alternative. You say you can find nothing in Julius`s remark

warranting a response. Howcan anyone have no responses to

Julius?» Pam`s eyes blazed.

«For example?» asked Philip. «You obviously have

something in mind for me to feel.»

«Let`s trygratitude for taking you and your thoughtless and

insensitive question seriously. Let`s tryrespect for keeping his I–thou promise to you. Or how aboutsorrow for what he went

through in the past. Orfascination or evenidentification with his

unruly sexual feelings. Oradmiration for his willingness to work

with you, with all of us, despite his cancer. And that`s just for

starters.» Pam raised her voice: «How could younot have

feelings?» Pam looked away from Philip, breaking off their

contact.

Philip didn`t answer. He sat still as a Buddha, leaning

forward in his chair, gazing at the floor.

In the deep silence following Pam`s outburst Julius

wondered how best to continue. Often it was better to wait—one of

his favorite therapy axioms was«strike when the iron is cold!»

Viewing therapy, as he so often did, as a sequence of

emotion activation followed by integration, Julius reflected upon

the abundance of emotional expression today. Perhaps too much.

Time to move on to understanding and integration. Choosing an

oblique route, he turned to Bonnie, «So, what about the‘glory be!

`”

«Reading my thoughts again, Julius? How do you do it? I

was just thinking about that crack and regretting it. I`m afraid it

came out wrong and sounded mocking. Did it?» She looked at Pam

and then Philip.

«I didn`t think so at the time,” said Pam, «but yeah, looking

back, there`s some mocking there.»

«Sorry,” said Bonnie. «But this boiling caldron here, you

and Philip sniping, all those carom shots—I just felt relieved by the

directness. And you?» she turned to Philip. «You resent my

comment?»

«Sorry.» Philip continued looking down. «It didn`t register. I

was only aware of the glare in her eyes.»

«Her?» said Tony.

«In Pam`s eyes.» He turned to Pam, his voice quavered for

an instant, «in your eyes, Pam,”

«Okay, man,” said Tony, «nowwe`re rolling.»

«Were you scared, Philip?» asked Gill. «It`s not easy to be

on the receiving end ofthat, is it?»

«No, I was entirely preoccupied in my search for some way

of not allowing her glare, her words, her opinion to matter to me. I

mean, Pam,your words,your opinion.»

«Sounds like you and I have something in common, Philip,”

said Gill. «You`re like me—we both have our problems with

Pam.»

Philip looked at Gill and nodded, perhaps a nod of gratitude,

Julius thought. When it seemed clear that Philip was not going to

offer more, Julius looked around the group to bring in other

members. He never passed up an opportunity to widen the

interaction network: with the faith of an evangelist he believed that

the more members involved in the interaction, the more effective

the group. He wanted to engage Pam—her outburst toward Philip

was still ringing in the air. To that end, he addressed Gill and said,

«Gill, you say it`s not easy to be on the receiving end of Pam`s

comments...and last week you referred to Pam as the chief

justice—can you say more?»

«Oh, it`s just my stuff, I know, I`m not sure and I`m not a

good judge of this, but—”

Julius interrupted, «Stop! Let`s freeze the action right here.

At this instant.» He turned to Pam: «Look at what Gill just said. Is

that related to your saying you don`t or can`t listen to him?»

«Exactly,” said Pam. «Quintessential Gill. Look, Gill, here`s

what you just announced:‘Don`t pay any attention to what I`m

about to say. It`s not important—I`m not important—it`s just my

stuff. Don`t want to offend. Don`t listen to me.` Not only do you

disqualify yourself, but it is vapid. Downright tedious. Christ, Gill!

You got something to say? Just stand up and say it!»

«So, Gill,” Julius asked, «if you were goingto say it straight

out without preamble, what would it be?» That good old

conditional voice ploy.

«I`d say to her—to you, Pam—youare the judge I fear here.

You sit in judgment of me. I`m uneasy—no, I`m downright

terrified, in your presence.»

«That`s straight, Gill.Now I`m listening,” said Pam.

«So, Pam,” said Julius, «that`s two men here—Philip and

Gill—who express fear of you. Do you have some reaction to

that?»

«Yep—a big reaction: ‘That`s their problem.`”

«Any possibility that it`s also your problem?» said Rebecca.

«Maybe other men in your life have felt this too.»

«I`ll think about it.»

«Feedback, anyone, about this last interchange?» Asked

Julius.

«I think Pam`s being a little dodgy,” said Stuart.

«I agree. I get the feeling that you`re not going to think too

hard about it, Pam,” said Bonnie.

«Yep, you`re dead right. I think I`m still smarting from

Rebecca saying she wanted to protect Philip from my rage.»

«It`s a dilemma, isn`t it, Pam?» said Julius. «As you just said

to Gill, you value no–bullshit feedback. Yet when you get it, ouch,

how it smarts.»

«That`s true—so maybe I`m not as tough as I appear. And,

Rebecca, that did hurt.»

Rebecca said, «I`m sorry, Pam; that wasn`t my intention.

Supporting Philip is not identical to attacking you.»

Julius waited and wondered in which direction to guide the

group. There were many possibilities. Pam`s rage and

judgmentalism were on the table. And what about the other men,

Tony and Stuart? Where were they? And the competitiveness

between Pam and Rebecca was still on the table. Or should the

group deal with the unfinished business with Bonnie and her

mocking statement? Or perhaps focus more on the outburst from

Pam to Philip? He knew it was best to be patient; it would be a

mistake to push too fast. After only a handful of meetings there

had been definite progress toward dГ©tente. Maybe they had done

enough today. Hard to gauge, though; Philip gave little away. But

then, to Julius`s surprise, the group took an entirely unanticipated

direction.

«Julius,” said Tony, «I been wondering. You okay with the

response to what you revealed?»

«Well, we didn`t get very far. Let me think about what

happened. You told me how you felt and so did Pam, and then she

and Philip got into it about his not having feelings about my

revelation. And, Tony, I never really answered your question about

‘why now.` Let me go back to that.» Julius took time to gather his

thoughts, keenly aware that his self–revelation, or that of any

therapist, always had double implications: first, whatever he got

out of it for himself and, second, the modeling that it set for the

group.

«I can tell you that I was not about to be deterred from

revealing what I did. I mean, almost everyone here tried to stop

me, but I felt bullheaded, absolutely determined to continue. This

is very unusual for me and I`m not sure I understand it fully, but

there`s something important there. You inquired, Tony, whether I

was asking for help with it—or maybe asking for forgiveness. No,

that wasn`t it; long ago I forgave myself after spending years

working on it with my friends and with a therapist. One thing I can

tell you for sure: in the past, I mean before my melanoma, I would

never, not in a thousand years, have said what I said in the group

today.

«Before my melanoma,” Julius continued. «That`s the key.

We`ve all got a death sentence—I know you all pay me well for