Unable to speak, I nodded.

“It will only take a few seconds.” Her gaze lowered slightly.

The touch of her hand was surprisingly cool, and I jerked a little. She murmured an apology, her hand flattening just below my navel. I held my breath, counting as the glow of eather pulsed behind her pupils. Thin streaks radiated out, crisscrossing her irises. Her expression didn’t change. There wasn’t even a flicker of a muscle when she withdrew her hand.

The aura faded from behind her pupils, and she lifted her gaze to mine. What felt like a small eternity passed, but in reality, it could have only been a heartbeat or two.

She took a breath, and I could no longer breathe. “You’re with child. Two of them.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

I didn’t remember walking around the couch and sitting, but I was. I was sitting with my hands limp in my lap and my heart beating slowly, steadily. There was a buzzing in my ears, but I wasn’t running around screaming.

I was calm.

Aios sat beside me. She’d been quiet since she’d confirmed what I realized at some point I’d already known. At least, I think she had been. There was that buzzing.

“Sera?” she said tentatively.

“Yes?”

“Are you all right?”

I laughed. It was high-pitched. Strained.

“That was a silly question.” She placed her hand on my arm. “You probably don’t know what to feel.”

“That…that is true.” The breath I took was thin, but I was able to draw one in, which surprised me. This was one of those moments where having a complete meltdown would be understandable, but I was glad I wasn’t. I so didn’t need Ash picking up on any of my emotions right now.

I could feel the blood pounding in my temples. “Can you tell how far along I am?”

“Not to the exact date,” she said, and for some reason, that made me want to laugh again. “But I would say you’re at least ten or eleven weeks along. Perhaps even twelve.”

Perhaps even…

That meant I could be three months along. That didn’t seem like a long time, but it also felt like a lifetime. Either way, it definitely meant I’d conceived before I Ascended. Possibly the first time or two Ash and I had been together.

Gods.

“I don’t even know if I want kids. How can I be having two of them?”

“I don’t believe conception hinges on what one wants,” she said gently. “But I get what you’re saying.”

The shelves of books blurred. “I don’t even know if Nyktos wants children.”

“It’s not like you two have had much time to discuss such things.”

“We…we haven’t had any time.” Eyes closing, I swallowed. “Not any real length of time to just be a…a couple, you know? We were in each other’s way at first. Nyktos hadn’t known he could love. And I was dying.” The laugh I’d held back came then. “We didn’t even know we had a future longer than the one we thought we had. There is still so much we need to learn about each other. I haven’t even seen his paintings!”

Aios was quiet. She gently squeezed my arm, her eyes filled with sympathy.

And my mind was no longer empty. My thoughts raced. “We have so much to do.”

“I know,” she said, her voice soft as she squeezed my arm again.

“I can’t sit out anything that must be done.”

“If you decide to go through with this, it will change everything. You cannot go into battle—”

“Watch me,” I replied, my voice hardening with a power that blazed as fierce as an inferno. “I won’t let this stand in my way. I’m the Primal of Life. I’m needed to put Kolis in the ground. Besides that, I am a fighter, Aios. It’s who I am. There is no way I could just stand by and do nothing.”

“But think of the risks—”

“I know what the risks are.”

“No, you don’t. Not right at this moment,” she corrected in that gentle way of hers. “Pregnancies are difficult in general. Even for a god or a Primal, and that’s just when they’re only carrying one child, not two.” She twisted, pointing her knees toward me and lifting my hands from my lap. “Your loyalty and courage are admirable, Sera, but if this is what you decide, you must consider the fate of your unborn babes.”

My hands trembled in her grasp. “How can I consider theirs but not the fate of the realms? We cannot allow Kolis to continue, and I need to be right beside Nyktos. If not, he could fall. And if he does…” Panic pierced my chest as I pulled my hands free. “I will be the ruin of realms.”

Blood drained from her face. “Sera—”

“There cannot be a choice between the two,” I shouted, my voice echoing through the chamber. The ferocity of my outburst left me breathless, and the silence hung heavily between us.

Aios nodded. “Okay.” She cleared her throat, her eyes glistening. “There doesn’t need to be a choice at all.”

My breath snagged, and I recoiled. “I’m the Primal of Life, Aios.”

“You are Seraphena first.” The eather intensified behind her pupils. “A woman who has fought for her autonomy. This is your body.”

My fingers dug into my knees. “You’re a goddess of fertility, so hearing you speak of terminating a pregnancy to the Primal of Life is…kind of odd.”

“What I am allows me to fully understand the complex nature of these things.” She reached between us, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. “Sometimes, the time simply is not right. It happens. And if anyone faults you for that, that is on them. Not you. They do not live your life. It is their problem. Not yours.” Her eyes met mine. “You don’t need to make a decision right now. You have time.”

“I know, and I agree with everything you’ve said.” And I truly did. “But…”

“But what?” Her eyes searched mine. “Is that not an option?”

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t speak. Did I want to keep them? Be a mother?

I sucked in a sharp breath. It was almost as if the knowledge had finally made it past the shock. There was life inside me. Lives.

Acid gathered in the back of my throat. My gaze flickered to the portraits hung along the back wall, and I saw Ash in my mind’s eye. He held a tiny, fragile life, cradled in his arms and against his chest.

Oh, gods.

My heart turned to mush at the same moment my stomach felt like it had dropped to the floor. Fear and even a bit of awe mingled with the weight of the reality.

“Thank you for confirming this and for reminding me I have options,” I said. “But I can’t make that choice without talking to Nyktos. I’ve…I’ve lied and hidden enough from him. I can’t do that with this.”

She held my stare and nodded. “Whatever path you choose, I will stand by your side. You are not alone in this, Sera. Just remember that.”

Breathe in.

I sat on the edge of the underground pool, my feet in the warm water. I’d tucked the skirt of my gown under my knees, but the edges were still damp. My hands were clasped loosely in my lap as I watched the mills churn, keeping the water from going stagnant. My mother would be proud. I was the picture of serenity.

Hold.

I had to be, lest I wanted Ash to feel exactly how freaked out I was.

Or even possibly bring the entire palace down on my head, which would be bad. Really bad since the other Primals were still here.

Breathe out.

I had no idea how long I’d been down here. I’d need to make an appearance soon, but I wasn’t sure how I could when there was a really good chance I would blurt out the news in front of the gods only knew who. It wasn’t that I was hiding from Ash.

Okay, I kind of was.

I knew I needed to tell him that I…was pregnant. My stomach dipped and twisted, my gaze dropping to the churning, midnight-hued water. It was so clear it looked black due to the shadowstone floors. Just like my lake.