“And I’m going to do it”—his voice was a silky whisper in my ear—“just as you like it.”

And he did.

I cried out as he began thrusting into me. Every inch of him sent a wave of pleasure so powerful through me that it bordered on pain. My breath quickened as he continued to fill me until not an inch of space remained between us. Gods, he…he felt bigger. I looked down at the arm beneath me, the one protecting my cheek, and saw that his shadows had nearly solidified. I could feel myself tightening all around him, and then he began to move, and the glasses started to clink softly against one another.

There was nothing slow or tentative about the way Ash took me. Each plunge of his hips was indescribable—each pull and push stimulating every nerve ending I had. I wanted to meet his thrusts, but his weight held me in place as his lips brushed across my cheek and jawline.

“I can taste your desire.” His lips neared the shell of my ear as his strong body caged me in. “I’m drowning in its sweetness.”

Fingers curling against the wood, I moaned as ribbons of shadows swirled along the surface of the table and around my hands. My eyes closed as I whispered, “Harder.”

“Fuck,” he grunted, picking up his pace and going deeper, harder. “Like this?”

“Yes,” I panted, pinned firmly between him and the table, completely at his mercy. “Yes.”

He drove into me with such intensity it was both a punishment and a reward. And, gods, I loved it.

Muscles tightened low in my stomach, and I felt myself rushing toward release when Ash suddenly shifted behind me.

He straightened, folding one arm between my breasts and the other across my waist, sealing me to his chest. My feet no longer touched the floor as Ash drove into me, seamlessly stopping and thrusting, grinding against me between pushes. His fingers curled around my chin, and I clasped his arms.

The rising friction created an incredible wave of pleasure that quickly swelled. Able to move my hips just a bit, I rocked against him. It was a raw need, caressing me like soft flames, arousing a blazing fire as intense as any before it.

A tight knot of tension formed, curling and unfurling. Ash drew me down on his length, hard, holding me tightly against him.

“Liessa,” he rasped against the flesh beneath my jaw.

His head dipped, and I felt the sharp graze of his fangs at the space between my shoulder and neck as he started to shudder. It was all too much. Ash’s release sent me over the edge, and I fell with a throaty shout. I came apart, fragmenting into ecstasy-soaked waves that rose and crested for what felt like a small eternity. Ash held me the entire time. He didn’t let go until his breathing slowed, and he then kissed my shoulder.

“Sera,” he murmured, his lips coasting up my throat and over my still wildly beating pulse.

A dual burst of lust and anxiety sliced through me. My eyes flew open as pressure clamped down on my chest, punching the air out of my lungs.

I saw gold.

Gold bars.

And I felt heat against my back. Oppressive heat instead of the comforting chill of Ash’s flesh. Just for a second—no more than a heartbeat—my breath lodged in my throat—

Stop this.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Stop this now. I’m not there. I held my breath for five seconds. I am here. I exhaled slowly. I’m with Ash. I inhaled. I’m not there. As the panic loosened its grip, I slowly became aware of Ash’s hand rubbing the center of my back through my nightgown. That didn’t make sense. I hadn’t pulled it up. Had he?

My throat tight, I opened my eyes and realized I was gripping his arm and once more staring at the open balcony doors, but it was from a much lower position, and I could feel Ash’s heart pounding against my arm. It took a moment to realize that not only had Ash turned me in his arms without me realizing it and fixed the nightgown so I was covered, he’d also sat us on the couch.

Good gods. How long had I been freaking out? My heart turned over heavily. It had felt like only seconds, but clearly, it had been longer than that because I…I was in his lap, my feet dangling a few inches above the floor, and his hand was in my hair. Then I smelled—

“Lilacs,” I rasped, my body shaking. “I smell stale lilacs.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Terror seized me in one breath, and shame scalded me in the other. My muscles locked up and then moved all at once. I had no control over them—over myself. I sprang from Ash’s lap so fast I nearly lost my balance as I bumped into the table, knocking over a glass.

“Sera?” Ash said my name quietly, but there was no mistaking the heavy threads of concern in his voice.

Calm down. I needed to calm down. I’m not there. I’m being foolish. I’m not there.

Managing to take a deep enough breath, I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. “I’m okay.” I was. “I’m fine.”

Ash didn’t respond, and the silence drove my eyes open.

He was on the edge of the couch, frozen as if he had been in the process of standing. His right hand was on the arm, his knuckles bleached white.

My chest rose and fell with a ragged breath, and I could’ve sworn his chest did the same.

“You’re okay?” he said, the skin of his chest thinning.

I nodded, pressing my shaking hands to my hips.

His throat worked on a swallow. “What just happened?”

“Nothing.” I took another step back and turned halfway to the table, staring at the overturned glass. “You didn’t hurt me or anything—”

“I know I didn’t hurt you.” Ash had gone completely still. “I also know that wasn’t nothing.”

I stared harder at the glass.

“You smelled lilacs. Stale lilacs,” he continued, his voice low. “That is what death—true death—smells like.”

The temperature around me plummeted, and I swung my head back to him.

“That is what Kolis smells like.”

A shudder went through me, and I forced myself to move. I started toward the table. “Yeah, he does.”

His body trembled, too. “Sera…”

My skin stretched tight as I reached for the fallen glass. “What?”

“Talk to me,” he said. “Please.”

I swallowed, my heart squeezing. My hand was still shaking as I righted the glass. “About what?”

“About what you’re feeling right now.”

“I’m feeling kind of tired right now,” I answered, forcing a yawn. “Shouldn’t we be sleeping?”

“Sera.”

Feeling backed into a corner, I reacted like any caged animal. “What?” I snapped. “What do you want me to say? I freaked out for a minute. It’s no big deal.”

“I didn’t say it was.”

“You’re acting as if it is!” The wall sconces flickered as essence rose, but I wasn’t sure if he or I did it.

“I don’t mean to,” he said, his voice softer. Calmer. “I’m sorry if I did.”

Gods, my heart hurt as if his apology had been a dagger plunged straight into it. “You have nothing to apologize for.” I moved away from the table and bent to pick up my robe. Once it was in my hands, I had no idea what to do with it, so I simply held it. “I’m just tired, Ash. That is all.”

There was a stretch of silence and then he said, “Do you remember the cavern I took you to so you could clean up?”

His question caught me off guard enough that I turned to him. He’d let go of the arm of the couch. “Yes.”

His skin had stopped thinning. “I told you then that I know it’s still you.”

I froze.

“You didn’t need to remind me that it was still you,” he said, his body still on the edge of the couch. “I know it’s still you, no matter what has happened.”

Pressure descended onto my chest, and all I could hear for a moment was the pounding of my heart. “Nothing happened, though.”

His eyes slammed shut as he twisted his head to the side.