“Rhain is right. We should continue as planned,” Ash said as he rose from the settee.

“Agreed.” Nibbling on a fingernail, I watched him walk to the desk and pour himself a drink from the decanter.

It wasn’t often that I wished I had his ability to sense emotion, but now was one of those times. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or disappointed in me for offering the deal. If it was the former, I could deal with anger. Disappointment, though? My stomach churned. That would be harder to face.

But I knew he disagreed with what I’d decided. That much was clear.

He looked over at me. “Something to drink?”

“Water is fine.”

“I will head to Vathi in the morning.” Ash poured from the pitcher. “I think it would be wise to let Attes know about the deals.”

I nodded. “He won’t be happy to hear what Kolis asked for.”

Lowering the decanter, Ash’s head tilted, and his brow furrowed in perplexity.

“He knew her when Kolis brought her back and kept her captive. I don’t know why Kolis allowed that, but Attes grew to care for her,” I explained, folding my other arm over my waist. “I think it may have been more than that, honestly.”

“If that is the case, then I feel bad for the bastard.”

Well, I guessed feeling empathy for him was a step in the right direction. “I think it’s also a good idea for Attes to keep The Star, at least for now, since Kolis believes we have it.”

Ash nodded. “Would you like the water?” he asked as he approached. “Or would you like to continue chewing away at your finger?”

I narrowed my eyes at him and took the glass. “Thank you.”

“Mm-hmm.” He turned and took a drink. “Is that what you’re anxious about?”

Holding the glass to my chest, I frowned. “What?”

“You’re projecting anxiety. It tastes like syrup but carries the tartness of unease. It’s not what I normally pick up from you when you’re anxious.”

Normally? I made a face.

Turning, he leaned against the edge of the desk. “Though I don’t think it’s Attes that has you this anxious.”

It wasn’t.

His eyes met mine over the rim of his glass. “Talk to me.”

I took a drink, wishing I had opted for the whiskey. There were times when I was good at talking, especially when I was running my mouth, but these kinds of conversations? Well, I sucked at them.

But Ash was likely already aware of that.

Hand tightening around the glass, I looked up. “Are you…are you mad at me?”

A crease formed between his brows as he lowered his drink. “What?”

“Because of the deal I offered,” I hurried on. “Or are you disappointed?”

“Sera,” he said, setting his glass aside. “I’m not mad at you, nor am I disappointed in you.”

I should’ve felt relief upon hearing that, but I didn’t. “You’re feeling something about it, though.”

“Yeah.” He laughed, thrusting a hand through his hair. “I’m feeling a lot of different things about it. Namely frustration.”

“With me?”

“A little, but mostly with myself.”

My head jerked back. “Why?”

“Because instead of spending time threatening the Arae and then fucking, I should’ve been thinking.”

“I’m not sure I can agree with that second part,” I said.

A wry grin appeared as he picked up his glass again. “If I had stopped for a moment to think about it, I would’ve realized there was a chance that Kolis would pull something like this. I could’ve prepared you for having to make an offer. We would’ve talked it through.”

Could’ve. Would’ve. I hated those words. “I don’t think any of us believed Kolis would demand a meeting or offer a deal,” I reasoned.

“But I know him. I should have expected this.” His gaze came back to mine. “From the moment we met in the Garden District, you have always been the stab-first-and-ask-questions-later type.” He dropped his hand. “In both the figurative and literal senses.”

My lips pursed.

“You’ll strike first before anyone else can get the upper hand,” he added. “You’re not one to give many a chance.”

“I can’t exactly deny that,” I said.

“That’s changed.”’

“I…I don’t think that’s how a Queen would behave,” I admitted.

He took a drink. “And how does a Queen behave, Sera?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “But lashing out and potentially worsening the situation probably isn’t it.”

“Dealing with Kolis will always be a situation that worsens,” he replied. “And what did I say before, when you said you didn’t know how to be a Queen? I didn’t say act how you think a Queen should. I told you to be yourself.”

“I remember.”

“Were you yourself when you offered him that deal?” he asked.

Yes? No? I wasn’t sure. But what I did know, or at least what I thought I knew, was that I needed to be a less…stabby version of myself now that I was Queen.

“Are we going to accept his deal?” he asked in the silence.

My lip curled. “Absolutely, not.”

“But what if Kolis accepts the deal, Sera?” he continued. “Are we really going to let him run around? Trust that he will keep to his word?”

I drew my tongue over the back of my teeth. “That’s what I offered.”

Ash’s eyes flared with eather. “And?”

“And it won’t be easy. Many will not be happy, but they will be…unhappily alive.”

“Is that really what you want?” he asked.

“No.” My free hand dropped to my side. “I want to make him bleed and dance in his blood. I want to fucking hurt him and, if I could, kill him. That is what I want.”

A savage grin appeared. “That is the Sera I know.”

“But does that make us better than him?” I asked. “I don’t know if it does or doesn’t, but if a war comes, I don’t want it to be us who starts it,” I said, and I wasn’t sure if that was necessarily true. I wanted to attack, to go hard at Kolis, but I couldn’t be that monstrous version of myself. “Even if the threat of disturbing the Ancients wasn’t at stake, I don’t want there to be a war at all.”

“Neither do I.”

“You don’t, but you have been building an army and taking the necessary steps,” I pointed out. “You were probably preparing for war before I was born. I haven’t been. I haven’t been preparing for any of this.” I swept my arm out. “And I just did what I thought was right—”

“I don’t think what you did was wrong.”

“Yeah, you said that before, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

“It is.” His eyes met mine again. “And I’m sorry if I’ve given you the opposite impression. It’s just…”

I watched him, waiting. “What?”

He looked away, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “It’s almost like you trust him.”

My mouth dropped open. “I do not trust him.”

“Okay. That was the wrong word choice. It’s more like you’re giving him credit he does not deserve.” Ash placed his drink down and pushed off the desk. He came to me and took my hand. Lifting it, he pressed a kiss to my palm—on the marriage imprint. “I know you believe he doesn’t want war.”

“But?” I whispered.

“As long as I’ve known Kolis, he’s only wanted two things: Sotoria and to rule. His fear of harming you while taking the embers of life only held him back. Slowed him down. His plans never changed.” Eather streaked across Ash’s eyes. “His love for Sotoria, as twisted as it is, is powerful, but not as much as his thirst for power and search for retribution against those he believes wronged him.”

I lowered my gaze. “I hope you’re wrong.”

“As do I.” Mindful of the glass I held, he pulled me into his arms. “Because the Kolis I know would choose to see the realms burn before he relinquished control, and we should prepare for that.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“Did you or did you not,” I began, holding the sword straight and steady, pointed directly at the fair-haired and muscular guard’s throat—“offer to train me before?”

“I did.” Kars’ gaze darted left and right as he answered tentatively. “But that was before.”