“That is why death cannot give life. Doing so is a mockery of such—just soulless, reanimated flesh and bone.” Anger tightened the corners of his mouth. “These Revenants sound like a type of Gyrm,” he said, and my lip curled at the mention of the once-mortals who had either willingly entered into eternal servitude upon death to atone for past sins or had given their souls to a god or Primal upon death in exchange for a favor. “But a more improved version.”

“Yeah, I don’t think they’re filled with serpents,” I murmured, shuddering. “Anyway, Kolis sees nothing wrong with it. He thinks being incapable of wanting or feeling anything is freeing.” I turned my head to Ash. “If I hadn’t had embers of life in me, could that have happened when you Ascended me?”

“No. I am a Primal of Death, but I am not true Death. My blood likely would’ve done the same as any other Primal’s,” he said. I didn’t know why that relieved me because it was moot at this point. “Did Kolis ever explain why Callum is different?”

“He said that Eythos once told him that whatever the creator felt at the time shaped the creation.” I rubbed the skin behind my ear. “And he was right. It’s what the creator truly feels—what is real and cannot be forced. And everything Kolis felt when bringing Callum back to life was real—desperation and bitterness.”

My stomach soured. “He even felt joy. But he only felt duty with the others. The only magic involved was that Callum retained something akin to a soul.” My brows knitted. “But creation is a reflection of who and what we are. A mirror of all our best and worst traits. Callum is an echo of who he and Kolis once were. But the other Revenants?”

“They’re an echo of who Kolis is today,” Ash surmised, a muscle along his jaw ticking. “And basically indestructible. But what about Callum? Shouldn’t he be easier to kill if he has something akin to a soul?”

“You’d think, but considering how often I’ve seen him die only to return to life? Even after I did a real number on him?” The satisfaction that came with wiping that smug look from Callum’s face was brief. “I’d say no.”

Ash looked away as he reached across the table to pick up a bottle of wine. He pulled the cork and poured himself a glass and then turned an empty glass upright to pour another. “I want to ask you something.”

“Okay.”

He placed the wineglass near my plate. “When I was being held in the Carcers,” he began, speaking of the mountains west of Dalos, “I was in and out of consciousness. Kolis always managed to be there when I was awake.” He shifted his gaze to the glass he held. “He liked to talk.”

My throat dried.

“He said you tried to escape.”

Dropping my hands to my lap, I nodded. “I did. That’s…that’s when I messed up Callum.”

“How did Kolis handle that?”

“Surprisingly well,” I said. “He actually didn’t seem all that mad.”

Ash’s head slowly turned to me.

“I know. It sounds unbelievable, but he…he wanted so badly to believe I was Sotoria.” I let my head fall back. The lamplight from the chandelier glowed softly as I stared up at it. “I think that kept his temper in check.”

“Most of the time.”

I tensed, briefly closing my eyes. Ash was likely talking about the bruises he’d seen when we walked in each other’s dreams, but my mind went to Kolis’s punishment for when I attempted to intervene on Veses’ behalf.

For the briefest second, I could almost feel the muscles in my arms stretched unbearably.

I opened my eyes. “The bruises you saw when we dreamwalked happened after he took me to Hygeia and summoned Phanos—” I drew in a ragged breath as I saw the reluctance in the Primal God of the Sky, Seas, Earth, and Wind’s eyes flash before me. My throat thickened. “And after the ceeren transferred their essence to me. I saw my chance to kill Kolis—or what I thought was my chance. I grabbed a shadowstone blade and stabbed him.”

“Gods.” Ash drew his other hand over his chin.

“It wasn’t a very well-thought-out plan. His reaction was immediate. I don’t think he even meant to hit me—

“You stabbed me, and I did not strike you, Sera.”

“I know.” I looked him straight on, thinking I likely wouldn’t have faulted Ash if he had reacted in some way to defend himself. After all, I had stabbed him in the chest. Literally. I would’ve done way worse if it had been me…and I’d survived. “I’m not excusing it. I’m just explaining that he has better control of his temper than what is made of him.”

“He had that control because of what you mean to him,” Ash bit out. “You saw a side of him that no one else has seen, at least not in my lifetime.”

I swallowed as nausea crept up my throat. Between my stomach and the dark energy seeping out of Ash and charging the air around me, I really needed to get to the point of why I’d brought this up before I vomited on myself and the table. “All I’m saying is that’s what caused the bruises. And even then, that was it.” But it really wasn’t. He had used compulsion, ensuring that I behaved and could only stand there while—

Nope.

Wasn’t going there.

Feeling Ash’s gaze on me, I forced my thoughts past that. “It didn’t happen when I tried to escape after he brought me back to Dalos. All he did was lecture me. And now, I think it was because my actions reminded him of Sotoria. The whole attempting-to-escape-him thing. How fucked up is that?”

“There are no words to capture how fucked up that is.”

He was so right. “When we were on the beach in Hygeia, I saw what he really looked like—his Primal form.” Tiny goose bumps formed as the dull gleam of Kolis’s bony face appeared in my mind. “I saw true Death.”

Ash had gone completely still, his expression devoid of any emotion. I counted. It took six seconds before he spoke again. “When we were talking before, you said he made you wear revealing clothing?”

“Yeah.”

Those enviable lashes swept down and then lifted. The eather streaking his irises brightened. “What else did he make you do?”

CHAPTER SIX

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the chamber. My lips parted as my mind began racing, but the stench of stale lilacs returned, choking me and not allowing any words. What else? What else?

Nothing.

That was what I needed to say. Nothing else really happened.

But I could still feel the scrape of Kolis’s fangs against my throat. A shudder slithered its way down my spine, and I jerked my hand away. I took a deep breath and held it, utilizing the breathing techniques Holland had taught me. All I had to do was look around to see that I wasn’t being held captive. I wasn’t in a cage—a gilded cage that no longer even existed. I’d destroyed it. I’d taken Kolis out—if only momentarily. I’d freed Ash from his prison.

Breathe out.

That had been me and my strength—strength fueled by pure rage, terror, and agony.

I knew that, but it felt like a part of me was still locked away where all my rights and freedoms had been stripped away, taking my identity and voice with them. The desperation and helplessness I never wanted to feel again crept in, threatening to soak my skin like rancid water. The rot of those emotions pressed in on me, and in the deafening silence of the chamber, I felt I would drown in them if I wasn’t careful. I wanted to shed those feelings like a serpent discarded its skin, but they lingered like a bad omen.

I’m not there.

I didn’t even understand why I was so affected. I should be able to handle this better. Whether Ash or Kolis, becoming the Primal of Death’s weakness and ending him had been my duty since birth. I’d been trained to fight from the moment I could lift a sword. Groomed to seduce as soon as I became old enough to learn how flesh could become a weapon. I lived the entirety of my life knowing what was expected of me, yet I hadn’t been prepared for Kolis’s volatile mood shifts and twisted sense of honor. His cruelty and manipulation. His obsession. And even his moments of tainted kindness.