“It’s not like I didn’t know what he had become.” There was a roughness to his voice now, and as much as hearing that made my chest ache, it was better than the flatness. “Or that I held on to any hope that he could be saved. I accepted he couldn’t. Knew the Kyn I grew up with and loved was long gone. But you know what I saw in the seconds before I…before I ended him?”

“What?” I whispered.

“I saw the Kyn who sat beside me after my children were killed. Who was there for me when I felt like my world had been destroyed.” His head tipped back, and his gaze went to the ceiling. “That’s the Kyn I keep seeing.”

“Maybe…maybe that’s the Kyn you should remember and mourn,” I said.

“But is that right? Considering everything he’s done?”

“He was still your brother, and you still had good times with him.” I lifted a shoulder, searching for something that felt like the right thing to say. “How he turned out doesn’t erase who he once was.”

Now, it was Attes who raised a brow as he looked at me. “You really believe the shit you’re saying?”

“Well, not for me. I only knew him as the asshole he was,” I admitted, and a wry grin tugged at his lips. “But regarding you and what you know? Yeah, I believe it.”

Attes seemed to consider that, then nodded. “I guess I should be thankful for his attack. Because of him, we now have enough Ancient bones.”

Ash, Nektas, Aurelia, and apparently Attes, had raided Kyn’s palace last night with success. “We do.”

“I’m guessing your Fate hasn’t returned yet?”

“No.” I straightened, feeling the ball of anxiety growing.

“Phanos will try to talk Kolis out of it. So will Varus,” Attes said, referencing the once-entombed god I had yet to see. A muscle ticked in his jaw. “But Kolis won’t listen to them. He will agree. Sotoria is his weakness. He’ll risk anything while ignoring common sense and every red flag to get her.”

“That’s what we’re counting on.” I thought of something as my gaze moved from him to Lailah. “If Sotoria chooses to be reborn, will you still go into stasis?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “I have to, Sera. If I don’t, I wouldn’t be in a good headspace to even be around her. If she retains her memories, I wouldn’t be the Attes she remembers. And that’s…” He sighed heavily. “That’s the last thing she’d need. And if she chooses to be reborn, I want her life to be happy. To be good. She deserves that.”

“But you love her,” I whispered.

Attes nodded. “And that is why I will be in stasis.”

Heart twisting, I drew in a breath that stung. To give up the possibility of being with someone just to make sure there was no chance you would disappoint or cause them harm? And he would be giving up that opportunity. I doubted a mortal’s lifespan was enough time in stasis for it to be of any real help. That was true love.

My gaze shifted back to the sleeping Primal goddess. “Do you love Lailah?”

Attes was quiet for so long, I didn’t think he’d answer. When he did, he did so with a question. “Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”

I thought about it. “I think it depends on the person. Not everyone would be able to, but some could. And probably do.”

His gaze flickered to mine before returning to Lailah. “I agree with that.”

That wasn’t an answer.

But it also was.

Saying goodnight, I closed the door. As I started down the hall, I wished I could’ve said something to help Attes with his grief, but I knew there really wasn’t anything I could say that would heal those deep wounds. They were like mine. Only time would mend them, I supposed. At least, I hoped.

My heart was even heavier, those emotions mixing with the agitation as my pace quickened in my search for Ash, my slippers whispering over the stone. I could’ve just waited for him to return to our chambers. Or, at the very least, put on something other than a robe since I wore nothing but a thin nightgown underneath. But I wanted to make sure he was okay, and, well, I was feeling rather…needy.

I hoped he was alone. I wanted some time with him before we barreled forward with our plans. A few moments where I could be Sera and not a Queen. Or the Primal of Life. Or even a fighter. Where we weren’t on the verge of coming face-to-face with Kolis. I wanted time where I didn’t have to be strong.

Luckily, the foyer was empty. I let my instincts guide me past the hall leading to his office and to the guarded doors of the throne room. What was he doing in there? The guards bowed as they opened the door for me.

“Thank you,” I said, stepping into the dimly lit space.

Only a few of the candles on the walls burned, and it was too overcast for much starlight to come in through the open ceiling, but I immediately saw Ash. He stood on the dais near the thrones. A flutter erupted in my chest, easing the heaviness there as his gaze locked with mine.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked, starting toward him.

“Thinking,” he said, crossing his arms. “Has Lailah awakened yet?”

“No.” I passed the empty benches. “But I imagine she will soon.”

His gaze tracked my approach with a predatory glint that brought a flush to my skin.

“I saw Attes,” I told him. “Since he wasn’t allowed to have whiskey, he’s with her.”

Ash snorted. “If he had the whiskey, the only difference would be that he’d be drunk off his ass while in her chambers.”

I climbed the steps. “Probably.”

“It will do him some good,” he said after a moment. “Being near her, that is.”

I raised a brow, thinking that was the first time he didn’t have something caustic to say about Attes’s interest in Lailah. “Hopefully Theon feels the same.”

A half-grin pulled at his lips. “I think he will, just this once.”

“So, what were you thinking about?” I asked as he opened his arms to me. I stepped into his embrace, resting my hands on his dark-gray tunic. The moment one of his arms came around me, the racing of my heart slowed, and that anxious knot of energy loosened. The effect he had on me was nothing short of magical.

He buried his hand in the hair above my braid. “Our children.”

My brows flew up. I had thought he’d say something about his mother. “I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

Another grin appeared, but this one was almost…shy. “I wasn’t really expecting to be thinking about that myself. It didn’t start off that way. When I wandered in here, I was thinking about my mother and how she is now with my father. I still can’t believe it.”

“It’s hard to believe,” I said, rubbing his chest.

“I didn’t know the Fates could do something like that.” He gave a short laugh. “Obviously, I forgot how powerful they are.”

If he only knew…

“Learning about your mom is a lot to process,” I told him.

“It is,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m so godsdamn relieved. It’s just that I spent my entire life believing she was really gone, and that I wouldn’t even get to see her when I finally entered Arcadia. It’s like having to rework my brain. It will take a while.”

His gaze moved around the empty space. “And while I was in here, I started to think about how I never got to witness both of them in here. See them sit on the thrones. I only saw my father.”

I quieted, waiting for him to continue.

“When I was old enough, I was allowed to watch any meetings he had with other gods or people who came from Lethe,” he said after a couple of moments. “As we waited for those meetings to begin, I would crawl all over the benches. Run from one to the other. Crawl under them. Only the Fates know why. Ehthawn was younger then, too. Not as young as Reaver, but small enough that he could easily move through the room with me.”

Gods, my heart squeezed as I pictured Ash as a little boy, playing with a draken. And it wasn’t hard to imagine it because I had a feeling our sons would be the spitting image of him as a child.