His words were like magic. And as his gaze held mine, I willed myself to shift back into my mortal form with a shudder.

“Ash,” I rasped, my throat scratchy.

He made a sound that seemed to come from the depths of his soul. Gathering me in his arms, he sat back, pulling me between his legs and against his chest. Pain roared in the moment I returned to myself, and how tightly Ash held me didn’t help. But I ignored it, needing to be close to him. Neither of us spoke as he held me. As I clung to him. I had no idea where Nektas and the younglings had gone, but I knew we were alone.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I couldn’t seem to get close enough. I needed to feel his heart beating against my chest. When his arm loosened around my waist, I whimpered.

“Shhh,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m just getting you a blanket. You’re cold.”

A moment later, soft fur draped over my shoulders, and his arm returned to my waist. He clasped the back of my head, his fingers curling into the tangled strands of my hair.

“Sera,” he whispered, his large body trembling. He tightened his arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

My fingers clenched the soft linen of his shirt. The breath I took burned my throat and nose. The blanket slipped down my back as I started to pull away.

Ash’s inhale was rough and stunted as he stared at me. I didn’t know what had caused that reaction until I looked down. Under the dried blood, there were bruises up and down my arms, some of them still an ugly shade of purplish-red. Others were an array of blues. Strangely, my lower stomach was the only area I could see that didn’t appear marked. Though I wondered what my throat looked like based on how he was staring at it. But then his gaze lowered to my chest. The bruise there was one of those ugly shades, darker than the areola.

Ash became rigid, his flesh thinning. “He touched you.” The tendons in his neck stood out starkly. “He hurt you.”

I didn’t deny it. I didn’t say anything. I closed the distance between us and rested my cheek on his shoulder.

Ash didn’t move for what felt like an hour, but then he tugged the blanket back up and folded his arms around me again. He didn’t hold me as tightly, though. “I want a Healer to look you over. The bruises should be gone by now.”

“No.”

“Sera—”

“I don’t want a Healer. I’m fine. I just used a lot of eather.” My voice still sounded hoarse. “I would like a bath.”

Ash wasn’t happy about my choice, but he relented. “I can do that.” He kissed the top of my head. “Hold on.”

He rose, carrying me into the bathing chamber. I could’ve walked, but I didn’t protest. He set me on the ledge and then placed his hand in the now-cold water, heating it. I shrugged off the blanket and stepped in. A breathy sigh left me as I sank down and reached for the soap.

“Let me.” Ash had rolled up his sleeves. He took the soap, setting it aside before cupping his hands in the water.

Warm liquid cascaded over my skin, and I watched crimson ribbons swirl away from my body, staining the water. Ash’s hands were gentle, traveling across the planes of my back, washing away the blood.

He had to be exhausted. He likely wanted nothing more than to wash the last two days from his body, but he took his time, running his soapy hands down both of my arms. He took care with my hands and fingers, erasing any traces of blood that lingered. He didn’t speak, but so much was said in how he methodically rinsed my hair, his fingers combing through the tangled curls with a tenderness I didn’t feel I deserved. Each time the water turned pink with evidence of the night’s violence, he drained the tub, only to refill it with clear, clean warmth from the unused buckets that had been brought in. He washed every part of me twice, almost as if he sought to cleanse away more than just the physical evidence of all that had happened. It was like he was also trying to remove the stains upon my soul, offering absolution I was too shattered to ask for.

He lifted me from the tub, and I caught only a glimpse of my reflection as he dried me off. My face was a mess. Bruises marred the skin around my mouth, and my throat showed deep fingerprints.

Ash took me back into the bedchamber and placed me on the bed. He replaced the towel he had wrapped around me with a blanket made of soft-spun yarn.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, brushing his lips over my forehead. “Rest.”

I nodded, tucking my legs up under the blanket. He grabbed pants from the wardrobe, and I sat there, eyes glued to the bathing chamber. He left the door open, and I saw him strip down. His movements were quick. When he stepped out of my line of sight, I heard water splash. I knew he wouldn’t take nearly as long with himself.

I was right.

Within a handful of minutes, he was once more in the bedchamber, the loose cotton pants clinging to the skin he hadn’t dried thoroughly. Water still dripped from his hair when he came toward me, roughly rubbing the towel over his head.

“Ash?” I whispered.

He tossed the towel back into the bathing chamber, then started toward me but stopped as my anxiety spiked. “It’ll be okay, Sera.”

A tremor went through me. “How?”

“Because we will make it okay.”

It wasn’t that simple.

I forced myself to meet his gaze. It was hard. So many emotions and too many thoughts crowded every part of my being. “You know what I did?”

He didn’t look away as he sat on the floor a few feet from the bed. “I do.”

“How do we make that okay?” I asked, my heart rate picking up. “I—I can’t…”

“You can’t what?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head, pressure starting to build in my chest. “I…I can’t believe what I did.” The words tore at my chest, rattling me. “I can’t believe what I caused.”

Ash…flinched. “Liessa—”

“Part of the reason you were trapped at the Pillars for almost two days was because of what I did.”

“Sera, that’s—”

“It’s true.” Tears crowded my eyes, and I stood on numb legs, wrapping the blanket around me. “I lost control. I killed people—innocent people, Ash.”

Eather streaked across his eyes, and his body tensed. “You did.”

You did.

He wasn’t denying what I’d done. I didn’t want him to, but a small, childish part of me wanted him to be oblivious to it. How fucked up was that? I started to turn from him.

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t shut down. We need to talk about this. No bullshit, Sera. No lies. No half-truths. No hiding.”

My lips trembled, and I pressed them together to stop them.

“Okay?” His eyes searched mine. “Sera?”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes. A storm of emotions brewing inside me, stirring the eather. “I…I should’ve listened to you. You said Kolis would do something terrible if he felt threatened. You were right. I knew you were right, and I should’ve listened, but I didn’t think he would do that.”

But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? I knew Kolis could be horrifically cruel.

“I didn’t want to believe it,” I admitted.

“Who would?” He looked up at me. “Who would want to believe he would do that?”

“Who would want to believe what I did?” My legs shook.

The air around us dropped several degrees when Ash’s anger rose to the surface. “What you did is not the same as what Kolis did.”

“I knew what would happen if I killed a Primal without there being another to take their place, and I still did it.” I opened my eyes, and eather gathered like a knot in my chest. “And if I had caught Kyn, I would’ve done the same to him.” My breath came in short, shallow pants. “Do you know I went to Dalos? I destroyed the Rise.”

Something close to pride filled his gaze.

I shook my head. “Don’t look at me like that. I killed every guard on the wall.”

“Guards loyal to Kolis, Sera.”