‘I know. That’s why I entered the Retterheld. I always knew you would be happy here.’ I frown. ‘Is it your magic? Has it not come back?’

She shakes her head. ‘No, not that I’ve noticed yet, but I’ve not tried to do anything. And it’s not like magic can matter that much. You won the Retterheld without it.’

I press my lips together. Did I? I wouldn’t have survived without the powers I got on that frozen lake. But Kay doesn’t need to know about that right now.

‘Rose.’ Kay places her hands on my shoulders. ‘I don’t need to worry about whether I have magic or not anymore … not now I’m getting married.’

The shock is enough to force the air from my lungs, but I try to disguise it as best I can. ‘Hew? Do you want to marry Hew?’

My throat thickens. Hew and Kyor are close. This marriage would bind us, however loosely, for the rest of our lives ahead.

Kay’s usually soft face is inscrutable. ‘No,’ she says finally. ‘No, not … Hew.’

My mind goes blank. ‘Then who? Kay, I understand that you were worried about having to leave the court after the competition ended, but that’s not going to happen. You’re a lady again now. A proper member of the court. You don’t need to be hasty. You don’t need to get married to stay here.’

She chews on her bottom lip. ‘I know I’m a member of the court, but there’s something else you must know.’ She repeats the chewing motion as she draws in a breath. ‘I … I’m pregnant.’

My jaw drops. I stagger back a little, falling into the chair behind me. ‘You’re what?’ I whisper, making no attempt to hide my shock.

She brushes my concern away with a wave of her hand. ‘You do not need to worry, I promise.’

‘You are pregnant, out of wedlock, without a …’ I stop as another thought careens in. ‘Whose baby is it?’

She grimaces. ‘It is Hew’s. I thought he loved me.’ She scoffs, a bitter look crossing her face before she pastes on a smile, as if what is coming next is positive. ‘When I told him of our baby, he admitted to already being betrothed to a duchess in Dorain.’

‘What?’ I can barely speak, barely think. Hew got my sister pregnant, with no intention of doing the honourable thing? ‘The men of the Wrohelm court are snakes,’ I snarl. ‘Every single one of them.’ I press my thumbs against my temples as I rub my forehead. Kay is pregnant out of wedlock. She will be kicked out of the court again. As the thought enters my head, my brain catches up to the rest of her words. Dropping my hands I look her in the eye. ‘But if the baby is Hew’s, and he’s marrying someone else, then who are you marrying?’

Wordlessly, she entwines her fingers with mine. From the nervous soft smile that graces her lips, I already know I am going to hate what follows. ‘Honestly, I promise you, it is fine. I have sorted it.’

Sorted it? Relief storms in. She’s taken a potion, ended the burgeoning life before it can end hers. ‘Have you taken a tonic?’ I ask her, but when she looks blank, I continue, ‘If not, I can make one. I have not made one for a while, but I’m sure I⁠—’

‘No!’ She snatches her hand from mine. I see the horror in her eyes, the same as the night I killed Holden. Horror and judgement for my actions. ‘Death did not used to be your first instinct, Rose, and it certainly isn’t mine.’

‘I killed for you!’ I snap back.

‘I didn’t ask you to!’ Her own voice rises. ‘I would never have asked you to.’ Her breath seethes through gritted teeth as she clenches and unclenches her hands. ‘Rose …’ She says my name with forced composure. ‘This life growing inside me is my child. I’m not going to just dispose of it because the timing is inconvenient. I’m not so heartless as you.’

‘Pardon?’ I could not have been more shocked if she had punched me. Heartless? Is that how she sees me? After all I have done for her, hearing that word tripping from Kay’s tongue is crippling. ‘You have no idea what my heart has gone through,’ I snarl. Any ounce of patience I have is gone. ‘I’m done with this, Acacia,’ I snap. ‘If you are not taking the tonic nor are you marrying the father, then who exactly are you planning to marry to remedy this Godsawful mess?’

She presses her lips together. For the first time, I feel the slightest hint of nervousness radiating from her. ‘I am going to marry Artur.’

‘Artur?’ I frown, confused. There is only one person I know by that name, and I am certain she cannot mean him. Not ageing, portly Artur Lorathin. ‘Who?’ I ask again. Maybe there is another Artur at court I have not yet met.

Then she speaks, and in a single moment confirms all of my worst fears. She tips her chin up. ‘I am marrying Lord Artur Lorathin. Jonas’s father.’

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Chapter 75

If I were not already sitting, my knees would have collapsed. How? How, after everything I did to give us a better life, have we ended up here?

When I finally find my voice, it is laden with desperation and disbelief.

‘Kay, you cannot be serious. He is … he’s old enough to be our father. Closer to grandfather’s age, even.’

She shrugs like his age is of no concern. ‘But he is wealthy. A life with him would be secure. The baby and I would both be secure.’

I shake my head vehemently. ‘No, Kay. I forbid it. There has to be another way.’

She folds her arms and glares, looking impossibly young. Nothing more than a teenager having a strop. My heart breaks anew. ‘I thought you would be proud of me for dealing with my own problems. But no, precious little Kay can’t possibly make decisions about her own life!’

I baulk. ‘That is not what I meant.’ I try to take her hand but she jerks away from me. ‘You’re so young, Kay. You don’t need to tie yourself to an old man. We can find another way.’

‘I don’t need you to find another way!’ she shouts.

I bristle, sitting back. ‘Please, Kay, you’re not thinking straight.’

‘Yes, yes, I am thinking straight. You just never listen. You always have to barrel in and save me, controlling everything. You think I’m incapable of doing anything for myself.’

‘That’s not what I think!’ I snap.

‘Yes, yes, it is. You lie to me. You hide things from me.’

‘Kay, I swear I only do the things I do to protect you.’

‘I’m an adult.’

‘Only just,’ I mutter.

Her eyes glower. ‘I’m never going to grow up if you don’t give me a chance to, am I?’

I am struggling to believe the words spilling from her mouth. I kept her alive. Safe. And she’s punishing me for it. I can’t even find my voice as she barrels on.

‘How come all the other girls in the slums work in the dirtiest of jobs, and I’m just playing kindergarten teacher, Rose? I’ll tell you how come. It’s because you were paying people off, right? Paying tithes to Rula. Making sure I never ended up working in one of those places. Oh yes,’ she says at my sharp glance, ‘do you think I don’t know how things work? I still lived in the slums, Rose, no matter how much you tried to coddle me!’

My anger rises, hot and swift. ‘I was not coddling you, you idiot. I was protecting you! Stopping you from ending up selling yourself to the highest bidder. Though that is what you have ended up doing all the same.’ I instantly regret the words, and when the slap stings my cheek – delivered with a strength I can’t help but admire – I know it is wholly deserved.

‘I’m sorry,’ I breathe. ‘I didn’t mean it.’ I place my palm against the red heat of my skin as I close my eyes. ‘It’s … it’s just such a shock, Kay. I wanted so much more for you.’ I open my eyes and meet her gaze, pleading with her to understand. ‘I wanted everything for you. Choice. A love match, even.’

Her rigid shoulders soften just a fraction. ‘This is what I want. A life of security is what I want, and Artur can offer me that.’

I swallow down the lump that threatens to fill my throat. ‘And what about when he wants more, Kay? What about when he wants to use you that way too?’