‘This is Rose,’ Benny introduces me softly. ‘Llinos loved her.’

Just having those words spoken aloud makes my throat fill with rocks.

‘Carys.’ My voice trembles as heat burns behind my eyes. A miniature version of Llinos, she looks so much like her sister it’s enough to break my heart all over again. I slip out of Kyor’s grasp and bend down to the child’s height. ‘I’ve heard so much about you. Llinos adored you.’

The young girl nods, suddenly silent, no doubt battling her own tears.

‘You picked such beautiful dresses for Llin to wear.’ I’m not sure why I say such an inane thing, and all it does is rouse images in my mind. Images of Llin dead in a ballgown. Dead because of me. I close my eyes, waiting for whatever punishment, physical or verbal, she’s about to unleash on me.

Instead, I find myself engulfed in an embrace.

‘She wore them?’ Carys asks in a small voice.

‘She did.’ Tears leak down my cheeks as I open my eyes. ‘She wore them all for you.’

‘She was so beautiful.’

The girl’s eyes glaze, and all I can do is nod as I stifle the sobs that want to break free.

‘She was,’ I choke out, ‘the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out.’ My hand rises and brushes against Carys’s cheeks. ‘And you look just like her.’

The young girl’s lips tremble, and I’m struck by the overwhelming urge to hold her and never let go. But before I can, a throat clears above me.

There, standing over us, is a woman I have never met, yet I know with my whole heart who she is. ‘Go now, Carys,’ she says. ‘Let the adults talk a moment.’

‘But Mother⁠—’

‘Go!’

A slight huff leaves her pouted lips, but nonetheless Carys goes.

As silence threatens to take hold, I bite my lip, not sure where to start. In the end, I go with the words that have been bursting within me from the moment I knew this moment was coming. ‘I’m so sorry.’ I gulp in breaths as I stand face to face with Llinos’s mother, Morwenna. ‘I am so, so sorry.’

A ghost of a smile graces the older woman’s face as she takes my hand. ‘For what, Rose? You trained with her, fought with her, and you loved her. And she you. And most of all, you returned Caroline to her. To us. Her last days were happy and full of love. She chose to enter the Retterheld, and she knew the cost of doing so. You have nothing to apologise for.’

‘Llinos… she shouldn’t have … she wasn’t meant …’

She opens her arms and pulls me into her chest. ‘She loved you dearly. I know that much. She wrote, smuggled a letter all this way, asking if we’d be able to help you secure a home afterwards, for you and your sister.’

‘She did?’ I break away from the embrace to see only a warm smile gracing Morwenna’s face.

‘She did. The offer is not rescinded because Llinos is no longer with us. She loved you as a sister, and as such I will love you as my own. As she would have wished.’

Tears pour down my cheeks unchecked as her generosity breaks my heart anew.

The way she rocks me as she holds me, brushing her hand against the back of my head … it has been years since I’ve been held in such a manner. Held as a mother holds her own.

‘It was my drink,’ I say brokenly when I can finally manage words between the sobs.

‘I know. And you killed him for it,’ Morwenna says fiercely. ‘Thank you,’ she whispers, pressing a kiss to my temple. ‘Thank you for loving my daughter – for avenging my daughter – when we were not there to do that for her.’

Any words I hope for choke in my lungs as I push myself away, striking the tears from my cheeks in a smudge of blue. Rather than letting me go entirely, Morwenna steps back, allowing Kyor to take her place. To take my weight.

‘We’ll see each other again,’ Morwenna says firmly. ‘And if you don’t find yourself a place in Korvane’s court’—her eyes flick to Kyor—‘then I will help you find one here.’

‘I’m sorry, My Lord,’ Kyor says to Benny without a hint of mockery, ‘but I believe I should take Rose back to our room. It’s been a lot, and she was not long ago at death’s door.’

Benny nods. ‘Look after her,’ he tells Kyor solemnly. ‘She may have Wrohelm rings, but she’s one of us, too.’

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 64

By the time we’re back in the room, I’ve finally gathered myself enough to stop crying.

‘I should go back,’ I tell Kyor as we reach the top of the stairs. ‘Apologise.’

‘You have nothing to apologise for. What you should do is get some more rest. I should have insisted you stay in bed, but I knew you’d want the opportunity to see Llinos’s family.’

It’s hard to deny I need sleep. My muscles feel unnaturally heavy, and my eyelids are the same. Yet as Kyor closes the door behind us, my eyes drift down his body and yearning fills me.

‘What?’ He turns back and looks at me with a half-smile quirking his lips. ‘What are you looking at?’

‘Nothing,’ I lie. Then I grin. ‘Well, okay, I was just thinking that the Dowager was right. You really do have a tight arse.’

An easy laugh rolls from his chest. ‘Really? You nearly died, and that’s what you’re thinking about?’

‘That’s always what I’m thinking about whenever I’m alone with you.’

He smiles, lifting my hands and kissing them.

‘You’re voracious. Though I have to admit, it’s the same for me, my love. But you could barely walk back across the ballroom, so such matters will have to wait.’

‘You could always be gentle with me,’ I suggest.

‘Is that what you want?’

I bite my lip. ‘No. Absolutely not.’

He grins. It’s a grin that reminds me of the time I saw him in the temple with Elska and Zelle. The first time I saw him without a mask. The Kyor I get now is the real him. Not the one he shows in public, or in fights, or every other moment of the day. And it causes my heart to throb.

‘We’ll wait,’ he tells me.

I want to disagree. To tell him I don’t need to wait. That waiting is pointless when we don’t know how long we’ve got left together. But as I go to say as much, a yawn escapes.

‘Do you have to go back?’ I ask instead, as I try to undo the buttons on the back of my neck. The angle’s more than a little awkward. ‘Do you have obligations?’

Kyor shifts, pulling me closer.

‘Right now,’ he murmurs, ‘the only obligations that matter are here in this room.’ He presses a kiss to my forehead as he undoes the buttons. ‘Now sleep. Who knows, tomorrow we might get to test out that bathtub.’

Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse.

I wake up to the awareness that my body feels far more like my own. There is a slight ache to my limbs, but nothing like it was. Even more helpfully, my mind is far clearer than it has been, meaning the paparvy must be fully out of my system. I stretch a little, flexing my arms and fingers, only to find the smooth contours of Kyor’s body behind me.

As gently as I can, I turn around to face him. Even with his eyes closed, he’s the most perfect specimen of a man I have ever seen.

‘Thorn,’ he says, eyes still closed. ‘Why are you staring at me?’

‘Just feeling lucky, I guess. You know, that we’re still here. Alive.’

As his eyes open, he traces a lazy line down my arm with his finger.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt as lucky as I do now,’ he whispers. His eyes are wide now, and his fingers move in circles across my bare back. ‘I’m so sorry for everything that led us here, but it’s hard regretting the only thing that’s ever given me happiness. Brought me you.’

‘I understand.’ And I do. I know exactly what he means. All that loss. All that pain. I hated the way Dinah would say that Etta had her reasons, but lying here like this, I can’t discount the possibility that she might actually be right.

For a moment we simply breathe one another in, and then he lifts his hand to smooth my hair behind my ears.