His eyes shift from mine as he lifts his hand to his mouth and bites the corner of his thumbnail. ‘I’m sure if my mother was here, she’d say no. But I think I’ve tried my best.’

I swallow. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry you lost her.’

In all the conversations we’ve had before, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken the words or thought about what Kyor losing his mother meant to him without simultaneously being drawn back to what I also lost that night.

As if he knows what I’m thinking, he offers me a fleeting smile. ‘It’s life. We lose people. I guess the aim is to try not to lose yourself afterwards. I failed at that once.’ Silence swells between us and I want to break it. Want to break the hurt of the memories filling us both. But before I can, he’s on his feet. ‘I’ll fetch us something to eat.’

‘You don’t have to do that. I can go to the dining hall.’

‘But it’s not exactly a long journey for me, is it?’ He flashes me a smile before opening the door. The scent of freshly baked bread and sweet pastries floods the room.

‘You’re up late today, Your Royal Highness,’ one of the cooks calls.

‘Did we hear voices in there? A visitor, perhaps?’ Hearing Leilah’s voice is a reminder that I need to talk to her about the food for the slums, though now, with me eavesdropping on her and Kyor’s conversation, it doesn’t feel like the right moment.

‘Just after some food please, Leilah,’ he says.

‘Right. Would that be food for one or two?’

‘You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?’

I’m surprised by the playfulness in his tone. I’d hate to be interrogated by anyone about who I was sharing my bed with, and yet the prince is taking a ribbing from one of his staff in good humour.

‘Well, you know me, I like to keep an eye on you,’ the woman continues. ‘Make sure they’re good enough.’

‘Trust me, she is,’ he replies. ‘I think the issue is whether I’m good enough for her.’

Warmth spreads through me, and not just at his words. When I was dreaming of making it to the Retterheld I had such a clear vision of the prince. How he’d be cold, calculating, and plotting the downfall of everyone he disliked. I never imagined Kyor as someone who would spend his time chatting with the kitchen staff. But then, I never imagined he would be the man holding me all night, comforting me through nightmares, and bringing me breakfast. I know so little about him; the rest is just an image painted in my head. A version of him formed from years of festering pain. The other part is the man he projects. The ruthlessness, the constant solitude and the lack of need for anyone or anything. Neither of them seem to fit the glimpses I’ve seen of who he actually is.

When Kyor returns, the plate he carries is piled high with enough food for at least half a dozen people. But the first thing I reach for is a glass of water.

‘How long do you think we have until the next trial?’ I ask as I sip. ‘It has to be at least a few days, right?’

‘Guess so. Are you up for training now?’

I don’t reply straightaway. It’s tempting to stay here, to lock the door, to hide away from the world. But then I think of Benny. Of him waking up alone. Of him walking down to the dining hall and seeing our table empty. There’s no way I can do that to him.

‘Thank you for this’—I gesture to the food—’but I should go upstairs to the dining hall for breakfast. I need to make sure Benny’s okay.’

‘Do you want me to join you?’

I hesitate for a moment, then shake my head. ‘I think maybe it would be best if it was just him and me for now. Is that okay?’

‘Of course it is.’ He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to the top of my forehead. ‘I’ll see you in the battle yard? Or just come back here if you want. Door’s always open to you.’

I kiss him back, this time on the lips, before picking my dress up off the floor and leaving. I keep my eyes on the ground as I pass the cooks in a proper walk of shame, wearing only Kyor’s shirt. Here’s hoping I encounter no one on the way to the dorm.

Thankfully, rising so early gives me time to get upstairs, shower, and get dressed before anyone else is stirring. I’m glad that Benny woke up with me there, and together we head down to breakfast. I’m not sure my heart could have taken it if I’d seen Benny sitting there alone – or taken a seat by myself, knowing Llin wouldn’t be joining us.

One by one, the rest of the Rettlings filter in. There are so few of us now. The days of clattering plates and barely being able to hear yourself think over all the clamour are long gone.

‘Can I sit with you?’ Jonas asks when he appears.

I nod. ‘Of course.’

‘I’m sorry for⁠—’

‘Thank you for your help with Kay.’

We speak at the same time, and I cut myself short. Jonas shakes his head.

‘Sorry,’ he says.

‘I was just saying … thank you for your help with Kay last night.’

He nods and then hesitates, and from the way the knots are forming in my stomach I have a horrible feeling I know what he’s going to say. ‘You and Kyor … you can’t trust him. You know that, right?’

‘Jonas, please.’

‘I saw it last night. I think he might even believe it’s real between you two, but it can’t be. He’s the heir apparent, and you’re …’ He trails off.

‘Wow!’ A laugh of disbelief rolls from my lungs. Just when I thought we were actually making some progress, he throws out a line like that. ‘Whatever Kyor and I are, it’s none of your business.’ I wish I didn’t sound so sharp. This isn’t how I wanted to spend this morning. The first morning without Llinos. But then, how did I think it would go? All of us are hurting. And Jonas still has everything with Kestria to work through. There’s no chance he’s done that yet.

Benny speaks up. ‘Well, assuming the next trial is a pairing, I’m guessing Rose’ll want to do it with the lightning-wielding, storm-controlling warrior prince rather than either of us. So I guess it’s you and me.’ Benny’s weak attempt at humour may break the silence, but Jonas’s gaze is still locked on me.

‘Looks like it,’ Jonas replies coolly.

‘Not gonna lie, I’d rather have had Llinos. Don’t know what we’re going to be up against, but unless it’s a multi-eyed creature, I’m not quite as thrilled about your powers as I was about her ability to control the wind.’

‘Sorry.’ Jonas pushes back his chair. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t pretend this is normal. He ruined your life. He fucking hates you. You have to know this is all a game, right? That he’s just playing with you until he gets bored and moves on, leaving you even more screwed up than you were before? How are you that fucking stupid?’

‘Call her stupid again and it will be the last word to ever leave your mouth.’

Kyor stands proudly behind me, and every pair of eyes in the room is on him. He’s still topless, and from the charcoal on his fingertips, it looks like he hasn’t even washed yet. Though poor hygiene is hardly what Jonas should be worried about. I’ve never seen a man with more hatred in his eyes.

‘Kyor …’ Jonas chokes out as he tries to push back his shoulders, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about who has more height or muscle mass; it’s about the pure power resonating from the two men, and Kyor wins hands down in that category.

‘I’m pretty sure that what you just said is enough for me to have you put to death for treason, but I’m in a generous mood, so instead I’m simply going to tell you two things, and you’d better listen good. Number one: you don’t know how I feel – you don’t have a fucking clue – so don’t you dare presume you do. And number two’—he turns and looks at me—‘I never hated her. I hated what she reminded me of.’ His gaze softens as it bores into me with such tenderness that heat pricks the back of my eyes. I nod, the tiniest of gestures, but he sees. In a flash, his hard gaze returns and he looks back at Jonas. ‘You speak to her like that again and I will kill you.’ With that, he turns and strides out of the room.