Raphael grinned, settling onto the sofa next to me, his legs kicked out and ankles crossed while he tucked his hands behind his head. “Here, I have servants for those needs.”

I plopped another one in, savoring the taste. These were more decadent than the box Amalthea had given me, with a little fruit paste inside. Raphael watched me swallow, his gaze pinned to my face. My body warmed at his watchful gaze, and I cast about for something to say. “Maybe I should call Amalthea back to share.”

Raphael seemed to note the tiny golden bell on the end table for the first time. He frowned. “She gave you a summoning bell? By blood, she must like you. She refused to have one made for me.”

“Something tells me the chocolate might go a long way with her. Or shoes, from what I’ve seen.” A strange cramp wove through my stomach at the idea of Raphael gifting her shoes or desserts, but I didn’t want to cause discord between the two.

He snorted. “I pay her enough she can buy all the chocolate and dresses she likes. She simply prefers you. Can’t say I blame her.”

We sat like that for several moments. It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. Raphael and I had walked and rode for hours at a time without a word passing between us. But then, it had been about survival. I’d thought him a monster, but at least I stood a chance with him as my monster. Now, however, as the fire warmed my toes, and I sat curled up in the corner of the settee with him at the other end, the vampire sprawled without a care, it was obvious: this was something more than survival. After a time, the fire lowered again, and Raphael put another log on it.

“You’ve been reading, I see,” he said, breaking the silence.

Right. I was still holding the book on vampire powers against my chest. I lifted my head to study his face. Was he annoyed I wasn’t working on the translation he’d offered me a thousand gold pieces for? “I’ve been working on the grimoire,” I promised. “It’s slow, but I’m making progress.” I probably should have given him a status update sooner, but he hadn’t asked, and I hadn’t translated anything meaningful enough to warrant a report.

“I’m more intrigued by your current reading material.”

Panic flared inside me. Would he think I was spying on them? Trying to use my position to gain knowledge about vampires? The encounter with Titus had left me paranoid.

“It’s a simple question, dove. Relax.”

I swallowed. Fine. He wanted to know why I was reading about vampire powers. “So you really can sense what I’m feeling?”

“You wear your fears on your face, you know.”

That wasn’t a denial. It had taken me weeks to work up the courage; I wasn’t letting him slip away with sly words so easily. “Is it true?”

A beat. Then—“Yes.”

I chewed at my cheek, waiting for more of a response. He didn’t elaborate.

“Amalthea told me,” I prodded.

He tilted his head back and sighed. “Amalthea has a big mouth. Is she also the source of your reading material?”

I nodded, but I wouldn’t let him change the subject. “So you form a mental link with everyone you bite?”

“Theoretically.”

“Don’t make me guess, Raphael,” I said. “What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t make a habit of biting living sources. Or if they start out alive when I’m drinking, I drain them so my own thoughts aren’t muddied with others.”

Gods. Just when I’d fooled myself into thinking he wasn’t monstrous.

“Again, Samara, relax. I have no intention of killing you because of the bond. The others… it’s irritating having your mind crowded by others. It’s a power that’s driven lesser vampires to madness.”

“You shouldn’t have had anything to drink from me if it was such a burden,” I hissed. My anger was borne of fear. Raphael might not be lying right now, but he could change his mind.

He arched a single white brow at me. “You’ll recall I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“So you wouldn’t drink from me again, given the chance?”

“It hardly matters, dove. Once is all it takes to forge the link.”

That wasn’t an answer. Which with Raphael, was an answer. Yes, he’d drink from me if there was an invitation. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Disgusted? That’s what my brain said my reaction should be. But talking of the bite made me recall exactly how it had felt, something I’d worked hard to forget. If I asked him to bite me, would he?

Ask him? I was losing my mind. I didn’t know how much he could tell from the mental link, but by the curious stare he was giving me, it was far too much.

“How can we break the bond?” I asked. “I haven’t come across any answers in this.” Yet.

He skimmed the title once more and then—did he just roll his eyes? “You won’t find such an answer in that book. The bond is permanent.”

Great. “And what if my emotions annoy you?” Will you kill me then?

Raphael appeared unconcerned with the possibility. “You don’t need to worry over such a thing.”

“What if there was a way to block you from my feelings?” I pressed. “This book mentions mental shielding, but it offers no details.”

“There’s no need,” he insisted.

Because if I ever bothered him, he would kill me. Just like how he’d killed Thomas. Because he wanted to. “Do you know how to do it?”

He gave a beleaguered sigh. “I’ve just told you there’s no need. Why do you belabor the point, dove?”

Because I know by the way you’re avoiding the question, it means yes, you do. “If you can truly feel my emotions, then you must know I’m worried you’re going to change your mind about being shackled to my human grievances for the rest of my natural life.”

“I can feel you, Samara.” He turned fully to me now, his gaze pinning me. “I feel it all, but as I told you, your emotions are blatant when I’m near you. You’re worried, yes, and curious about this puzzle. I feel it in my chest the same way I can hear your own heart racing now, the way you swallow to clear your throat to levy another argument.”

My heart was racing. Part of it was the worry that Raphael would kill me to end the bond, but that was distant to the pounding in my chest I felt as he looked at me. We were scant inches apart now. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned, his neck exposed in vampire fashion. His arm was braced along the back of the couch, fingers close enough to graze my shoulders by accident when he twitched. Not that I’d noticed the vampire twitching before. I was more aware of each brush of those fingers than any lingering cramps.

I leaned away, looked away. Forced myself to believe that my heart was racing only out of self-preservation, because this was feeling more like self-destruction.

“Train me. Or at least tell me how, and I can practice on my own.”

He looked at me, examining not just my face but my whole person. As if weighing something.

Then, simply: “No.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Better,” Demos said. “Again.”

I nodded and lunged for the training dummy again. It had been three weeks since I’d had my cycle. I’d reluctantly rested, as instructed, and the moment Charlotte cleared me to resume exercise I’d thrown myself into it with renewed vigor. I was determined to train my body, especially since Raphael categorically refused to work with me on the mental training.

It’s a safety precaution, he’d said. It’s better for me to know if you’re in pain or afraid.

I didn’t agree. It was better for my fears to be my own, not exposed to a vampire who might tire of them at any moment. Which was why when I stabbed the training dummy for the twentieth time that morning, I was picturing a certain vampire king.

“Sam, you keep that up and the poor thing won’t be able to have any training-bag-children,” Amalthea called from the sidelines after I landed a rather low blow.