I wished I could spare a coin to give her.

The old capital boasted another wonder beyond the Great Library—a beautiful garden, dedicated to an old, forgotten queen. Enormous amounts of magic must have gone into shaping it. The garden took up the entire eastern quarter of the Apante. The entrance was a brilliant marble gate that could only have been made from magic. The twin winged figures carved from the marble looked almost human, but it was the beautiful kind of human you’d die for. I passed through the gates, following the path. The space wasn’t entirely deserted, but it was substantially emptier. The gentle wind rustling through the trees drowned out any quiet conversations. I wandered farther, taking in the space. Like the forests I’d slept in, but so much more deliberate. No two trees were alike, different variants that must have been magically spliced by a witch gifted in plant magic. Or more accurately, a team of them.

Even at night, several trees were blooming. The blossoms filled the air with a pleasing scent. Despite the size of the space, branches hung low, making the garden feel private. I was a woman alone at night in a relatively empty space, so I stayed on guard, but there was no sign of anyone else. I found a bench braced against a decorative boulder, carved to look like the three moons atop each other.

I was really alone, at last.

And then I wasn’t.

There was no sound that gave him away, no movement in the shadows. But an awareness came into my periphery all the same.

“You remembered me, I see.” I was surprised by the annoyance in my own voice. Since when had a vampire not being around been a problem?

Raphael sat down on the bench next to me, legs kicked out in front without a care. “I’ve been here the entire time.”

“More likely you were off killing time in one of the pleasure halls.”

I wasn’t sure why I said it. Raphael was too focused on his mission, whatever it was, to give in to such base pleasures. I might believe vampires could feel desires like that, to a degree, but it was hard to imagine Raphael paying to sleep with a mortal. Even if his appearance rivaled any of the most successful courtesans, his voice a sweet caress that even now tempted me more than any of the others had—though he would likely kill me if I voiced the comparison.

Maybe I said it because I’d thought if his mission was so important, he’d be there when I got out of the Great Library no matter what we’d said about waiting to meet here. That he’d be eager for me to return with his answer.

But he hadn’t. I’d been alone.

“I believe that’s what you were considering.”

I flushed. So he was telling the truth about being there. And he was watching closely. Why had he kept his distance? What would he have done if I did enter the pleasure halls? “Hardly. It’s senseless.”

“It’s pleasure.”

“It’s pointless.” Survival was all that mattered. Curiosities and desires be damned.

“The point is enjoyment.” There was that note again in his voice. As though he thought to say something more but held back.

In a bid to escape the conversation, I stood from the bench and began to meander along the path. Raphael was at my side in an instant, but at least he didn’t argue the point further. It was one thing to wonder what a man’s body would feel like. It was another to have Raphael know I had those musings.

“You saw the Librarians,” he said, letting the subject drop.

“I did.” I repeated the answer I’d gotten from the journeyman and watched the vampire’s face for any sign of what the information meant, but his expression betrayed nothing beyond a patient tilt of his head. “He wasn’t inclined to answer, but the magic bound him to. Why?”

“Because that’s how the magic of the Great Library works. Once they agree to a request, they have no choice but to honor it.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know that. Why did he want to fight against his sacred vows? What is the Black Grimoire?”

Our feet padded along the dirt path for several minutes. I was determined not to break the silence first.

Just when I thought he’d let us walk in silence until dawn, he drew a breath to answer. “The Black Grimoire contains magic of death and undeath. In the hands of the right witch, it’s a dangerous weapon.”

I frowned. No witch had magic that controlled death. Not that I’d ever heard of. “Why do you want it?”

That, he refused to answer. He continued on the path, regarding the trees with a thoughtful expression.

“So you’ll go to the marshes, then?” I wasn’t sure why I peppered him with so many questions. A sort of ache settled in my chest. I felt like a kid, desperately trying to get my mother’s attention before she left for the latest ball while I stayed holed up in her rooms. She was going to leave, no matter what I did. But if she was looking at me, speaking to me, I could pretend there was no ball, and I wouldn’t spend the night all alone.

“I will.”

“Do you even know how to find the temple?”

“I’ll manage.”

“It said only the worthy could take it. Do you really think that’s you?” A vampire, stealing a mythical witch’s grimoire?

His lips curled up. “Worried for me, dove?”

More like I’m worried for myself. “Why do you call me that?” Of all the mysteries Raphael offered, this was one I’d ached to untangle. If I didn’t ask now, I might never know.

“Because you remind me of a little bird, between the rapid flutter of your heart and clear desire to spread your wings.”

I swallowed down any response to that. How could this monster see me so clearly? Was I transparent? Or did he truly… know me? Before long, our path led us back to the main gate. One of the twin angels faced inwards. It felt like it was looking right at me, accusing, demanding to know why I’d brought a vampire into their garden.

I was stuck wondering why I was reluctant to see him leave.

“This is it, then.” I looked up at the three moons. “You’ll have several hours of darkness to travel.”

“I do.” Raphael didn’t follow my gaze to the moons. Instead, he kept looking at me. The blue began to fade from his eyes, the red returning as the disguise magic wore out. “You’re certain you wish to go to the Monastery.” His voice didn’t raise at the end like a question, but it felt like one.

“It’s the best place for me.”

Raphael said nothing. I looked back and swallowed. Not from fear, though. Another emotion filled my chest. It was strange and terrible, but the vampire was the closest thing I’d had to a friend in the past decade.

Maybe longer.

“You’ll let me go this time?” I joked.

He didn’t return my smile. “If that is what you wish.”

Why was it hard to make the words come out? “It is.”

Raphael nodded once, his white hair sweeping forward as he dipped his chin. Then he turned without another glance and disappeared into the night.

Once more, I was alone.

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Chapter Sixteen

I spent a night on the streets. Or more accurately, on a roof.

Though Raphael had left me with a few coins, spending them on something as luxurious as a roof over my head seemed wasteful. The vampire had disappeared into the darkness, and I didn’t want to walk out into the woods by myself.

I was no stranger to hidden sleeping spots. I woke early with the rising sun and readied to say something to the vampire.

But of course, I was alone once more.

How… familiar.

Not for much longer. I would break away from that loneliness. Joining the Monastery would change everything. If they could forgive killers and thieves, surely allying with a vampire—briefly—and some mild treason could be overlooked.

The gods were the big picture sort, right?

I should have headed directly to the white tower, but instead I found myself wandering through the city. I loathed the change that came over me. With the vampire nearby, I’d begun to walk the way my mother taught me—shoulders back, head high. The same way Raphael walked, I thought ruefully. After all, if anyone made a move for me, he’d deal with them viciously. More to the point, with him by my side, no one would make a move to begin with.