God, am I about to use the word aura?

“In the meantime, I’ll have Saul bring you food. Since you look so gaunt.”

“I do not.”

“Right. Picture of health.”

I grin. “No need to mince your words. Just say that I’m fugly, call it a day, and— ”

“Serena,” he growls. His stare, the dull black of his eyes, is abrasive. Sands me down to the skeleton. “Sleep. When you wake up, I’m taking you back to the Southwest.”

“What?” No. No. That’s where Ana is. “Please, don’t. Just think about it— ”

“If you keep lying to me, I can’t properly protect you. And if I can’t protect you, I won’t keep you around.”

“I’m not— Which lie?”

He snorts softly. “You tell that many?”

“I . . .” I fidget with the sleeve of my hoodie. “I lie a lot.”

“You shouldn’t. Telling the truth can be therapeutic.”

I narrow my eyes. “You know what else can be therapeutic?”

“Punching me in the nuts?”

That’s exactly what I was going to say. “How did you know I— ”

“You’re pretty fucking predictable.” He’s leaving again, and I hate him. So much. Especially when I have no choice but to yell after him, “Fine.”

He doesn’t stop.

“I’ll tell the truth.”

Keeps walking.

I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to admit it.

“I haven’t been able to shift in months.”

CHAPTER 7

It’s not the only secret she’s been keeping. It’s not even the worst one. For now, though, he’ll play. The alternative is unacceptable.

KOEN TAKES HIS SWEET, SWEET TIME TO TURN TO ME. HIS SURPRISE at my confession couldn’t fill a puddle. “Was that so hard?”

I clench my fist. “Since you obviously already knew, why did you make me say it?”

“Hearing you verbally acknowledge your limitations brings flavor and spice to my life. Why were you keeping it a secret?”

“I don’t know. I . . . Maybe I just didn’t want you looking down on me.”

“I will never not look down on you, chiefly because of our height difference. When did it start?”

“A while ago.”

“Was it before or after I allowed you to be alone at the cabin— ”

“You allowed me?”

“— under repeated reassurances that you could take care of yourself, killer?”

“I . . . Before. I already couldn’t shift.”

His jaw tics. “Here’s the deal: you’re not an idiot.”

“Wow. What a compliment.”

“Sure. Keep that in mind when I ask you why the fuck you are acting like one. How. Long?”

“It’s genuinely hard to tell. A few days after I moved to the Southwest?”

“How many?”

I try to recall. “Maybe a week or so? The first time I tried and wasn’t able to was the day after . . . after Ana returned.” The day after Koen and I met. “I also started feeling poorly, and— ”

“Feeling poorly?”

Tell him, I order myself. Tell him. Tell him everything. It’ll make things so much easier.

But it wouldn’t. It would be incredibly selfish. Things would be easier for me and significantly more complicated for everyone else. “Nothing bad. You’re right, my appetite has been low. Nausea. Issues sleeping. One of the Southwest physicians, Dr. Henshaw, said it’s stress from . . .” I shrug and smile. Artfully, if I say so myself. When it comes to my recent past, the ratio of what went wrong to what could have gone wrong is so high, it’s objectively funny. “Take your pick. Basically, I just need to wait it out and chill. Hence the cabin.”

“Are you in pain?”

I shake my head, instinctively. His expression looks so dubious, I wince. “It’s more like discomfort.”

Koen doesn’t want to believe it, but it’s obvious that he’s not sure where the lie’s at. “For someone juggling this many secrets, you’re pretty terrible at keeping them.”

“I’ll try to do better, Alpha.” I bat my eyes at him, which makes his scowl deepen by a factor of ten. “Could you please not tell Misery and Lowe?”

“Oh, you’re hiding shit from them, too?”

“I’m an equal opportunity liar. And really, it would just give them one more thing to worry about, when Ana should be their— ”

“Priority, yeah. You’ve mentioned her.” My craning neck weeps in gratitude when Koen takes a seat on the edge of the mattress. His posture is lazy, but his eyes stay sharp. “Under Were custom, I cannot keep this from Lowe. He’s your Alpha.”

“Is he, though? I didn’t, like, go to the DMV to sign paperwork— ”

“To the what, now?”

“— and I didn’t take a blood oath. You said it yourself, that I have no pack— ”

“You are not an official member of any pack. You are, however, affiliated with the Southwest. The alternative is for Were society to deal with you as a rogue Were, and you do not want that.”

“I don’t understand, why does it matter— ”

“Correct. You don’t understand. Were packs are not chummy extended families, killer. To safely set foot in a pack’s territory, you’ll need to be affiliated with that pack or with their allies.”

“And if I’m not?”

He gives me a flat look that— Okay. Got that loud and clear. “Can I change? If I were affiliated with the Northwest, then it would be okay for Lowe not to know, right?”

“That would make me your Alpha.”

“Would you mind that?”

He stares like I’m trying to sell him a pouch of magic beans. “To be clear, I know that I’m being played. I’m just allowing it because I love the idea of telling you what to do that much.”

I cannot help my smile. “Very well. Deal. Now that I’m officially a Northwesterner— ”

“Not a name we go by.”

“— in the name of Alpha-member confidentiality— ”

“Which doesn’t exist.”

“— I ask you to please not tell Misery that I’m . . . I don’t know, regressing to my Human self? She already has plenty to be nervous about.” I chew on my lower lip for a moment. “Will you take me in, then? It’ll ease the pressure off the Southwest. And . . . I feel safer when I’m with you.”

His tongue prods at the inside of his cheek. “You do?”

I nod, wondering why it’s the truth. I’m sure Lowe and his seconds are just as capable. They may even have more of an incentive to protect me, since . . . well. Lowe has never felt the need to remind me that the part of him that matters could never be interested in me. “Yeah. I do.”

“Well, that’s too bad. Because I don’t want you to feel safe.”

“You . . . don’t?”

Glaring, he leans toward me, full of something vicious that I cannot name. “I want you to be scared shitless, Serena. I want you so fucking terrified of me, you won’t even dream of not doing what I say. I want you to feel like your soft little throat is in my hands, and I want you to be so afraid that I’ll tear into it that when I tell you to do something for your own fucking safety, you won’t consider saying anything but ‘Yes, Alpha.’ ”

The last words are hissed just inches from my face, the puff of his breath hot against my cheek, and the thing is— he is terrifying. He could carve me open like an overripe pomegranate. And he’s definitely capable of forcing me to do whatever he wants. I’ve seen the way even his seconds look at him, love and trust and respect mixed with circumspection. I’ve heard Lowe and Misery whisper their worries. I am aware that there is an edge of unpredictability to Koen.

And yet the only response I can muster to his threats is a small, apologetic smile.

He didn’t ask for me to be his mate. I didn’t ask to be a hybrid. And yet here we both are.

I cannot help myself. I lift my hand, and with the backs of my fingers I stroke the skin of his cheek. It’s the lightest touch, barely anything. But it sends currents trembling down my arm, clamoring for more.

Koen’s muscles tense, and he flinches from my touch. With a roll of his eyes, he unfolds away from me, and cold seeps back into my bones.

“You’re such a fucking nuisance,” he murmurs, almost softly.