“I won’t always look like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m thirteen years older than you, and I’m getting older every day. I won’t always look like this.”

T.J. put his arms around my waist and pulled me close.

“I know that, Anna. But if you think I only care about what you look like then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

***

I walked alone down the aisle at Trader Joe’s carrying a basket full of whatever caught my eye, which so far had been two bottles of cabernet, some organic pasta, a jar of marinara and some romaine lettuce, carrots, and bell peppers for a salad.

T.J. was out getting a haircut. We usually shopped for food together, partly because he insisted on paying for it, and partly because we were still in awe of grocery stores. The first time we went grocery shopping, after I moved into my apartment, we stood frozen in the middle of the store staring at all the food.

I went down another aisle and grabbed some beer for T.J., then found the ingredients to make him a chocolate pie. I was trying to decide what kind of bread to serve with dinner when I felt a tug on my jeans.

A little girl about four years old stood there with huge silent tears running down her face.

“Are you a mommy?” she asked.

I crouched down until I was at her eye level. “Well, no. Where’s your mommy?”

She held tight to a raggedy, pink blanket. “I don’t know. I can’t find her, and my mommy said if I ever got lost I should try to find another mommy, and she would help me.”

“Don’t worry. I can still help you. What’s your name?”

“Claire.”

“Okay, Claire.” I said. “Let’s go ask someone to make an announcement on the loudspeaker so your mom knows you’re safe.” She looked at me with tears swimming in her big brown eyes and slipped her tiny hand into mine.

We were walking toward the front of the store when a woman came running around the corner shouting Claire’s name. She held a basket in her hand. An infant slept in a carrier strapped to her chest.

“Claire! Oh God, there you are.” The woman ran toward us, dropped her basket, and scooped Claire up in her arms awkwardly, trying not to jostle the infant. The fear on her face dissolved as she squeezed Claire tight.

“Thank you for finding her,” she said. “I dropped her hand for a minute to reach for something and when I looked down, she was gone. I’m just so tired, because of the baby, and I’m not moving very fast right now.”

She was probably close to my age, give or take a year, and she did look tired, with faint circles under her eyes. I picked up her basket. “Are you ready to check out? Can I carry this for you?”

“Thank you. I would really appreciate that. I need more than two hands right now. You know how it is.”

I really didn’t.

We walked to the checkout and unloaded our baskets.

“Do you live around here?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Kids?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Thank you so much for your help.”

“You’re welcome.” I bent down. “Bye, Claire.”

“Bye.”

When I got home I put the groceries away, sat down on the couch, and had a good cry.

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Chapter 58 – T.J.

Anna stood at the kitchen counter making me a chocolate pie. I kissed her and gave her the pink roses I’d bought on the way back from my haircut.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you,” she said, smiling up at me. She grabbed a vase from under the sink and filled it with water. She wore her hair in a ponytail, and I put my arms around her from behind and kissed the back of her neck.

“Do you need any help?” I asked.

“No, I’m almost done.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

She wasn’t fine, and I knew she’d been crying the minute I walked in the door because her eyes were puffy and streaked with red. But I didn’t know how to fix it if she wouldn’t tell me what was bothering her, and part of me wondered if it was better I didn’t know in case it had something to do with me.

She turned around and smiled a little too brightly.

“Do you want to go to the park as soon as I finish this?” she asked.

A loose strand of hair had escaped from her ponytail and I tucked it behind her ear. “Sure. I’ll grab a blanket for us to sit on. I bet it’s close to seventy degrees.” I kissed her forehead. “I like being outside with you.”

“I like being outside with you, too.”

When we arrived at the park we spread the blanket out and sat down. Anna kicked off her shoes.

“Someone has a birthday coming up,” I said. “What do you want to do to celebrate?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”

“I know what I’m getting you, but I haven’t found it yet. I’ve been looking for a while.”

“I’m intrigued.”

“It’s something you said you wanted once.”

“Besides books and music?”

“Yep.” I’d already bought her an iPod and downloaded all her favorite songs because she liked to listen to music when she ran. A couple times a week she went to the library and returned with stacks of books. She read faster than anyone I knew.

“You still have a couple weeks. You’ll find it.” She smiled and kissed me, and she seemed so happy I thought that maybe everything was okay after all.

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Chapter 59 – Anna

I sent out hundreds of resumes. Finding a position so late in the year would be nearly impossible, but I still hoped to find something for fall, even if it was only substitute teaching.

Sarah gave me half the money she received from our parents’ estate and I still had quite a bit left from the amount the Callahan’s had paid me. The airline settlement would add to the balance. Maybe I didn’t have to work, but I wanted to. I missed earning my own money, but mostly I missed teaching.

Sarah and I met for lunch a week before my birthday. The buds on the trees had grown into green leaves and the planters lining the sidewalks held spring flowers. So far, May had been unseasonably warm. We sat on the patio of the restaurant and ordered iced tea.

“What are you doing for your birthday?” Sarah asked, opening her menu.

“I don’t know. T.J. asked me the same thing. I’m happy staying in.” I told her how T.J. and I had celebrated my last birthday on the island. How he’d pretended to give me books and music. “This time, he’s getting me something I mentioned I wanted. I have no idea what it could be.”

The waitress refilled our iced tea and took our order.

“How’s the job search going?” Sarah asked.

“Not good. Either there really aren’t any openings, or they just don’t want to hire me.”

“Try not to let it get you down, Anna.”

“I wish it was that easy.” I took a drink of my iced tea. “You know, when I got on that plane almost four years ago, I had a relationship that was going nowhere and an even slimmer chance of starting a family of my own, but at least I had a job I loved.”

“Someone will hire you eventually.”

“Maybe.”

Sarah peered at me across the table. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”

“No.” I told her about what happened at Trader Joe’s. “I still want the same things, Sarah.”

“What does T.J. want?”

“I’m not sure he knows. When we left Chicago, he just wanted to hang out with his friends and get back to the life he had before the cancer. His friends have moved on without him, though, and I don’t think he’s figured out what to do next.” I told Sarah about T.J.’s trust fund and she raised an eyebrow.