“Shoshen.”

“Nice to meet you, Shoshen. I’m Torrance.” I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile and then headed for the table. I sat down without being told and would eat without being told, too. I wanted Aiko and Shoshen to see that I was willing to work with them. That I could be a good little human. Maybe they’d start to trust me.

The lunch Aiko brought earlier had been more of the same as breakfast. The burgundy bread was crumbly and tasted faintly of beets, but was good. The paté stuff had turned out to be some sort of mashed smoked fish which was surprisingly delicious, especially when smeared on the bread. The shiny beads, less so. They were fish eggs, I was pretty sure, rubbery and too difficult for me to force down.

Dinner, though, was different. No stew today, but instead thinly sliced dark meat arranged in a spiral, stuffed with... Well, I wasn’t sure yet. The drink was yet more of what I’d had before – a slightly sour dairy concoction sweetened with something akin to honey. I didn’t mind the taste, and it didn’t upset my stomach, but I really wanted water. I was too afraid to drink water directly from the tap in case there was some sort of alien microbe in it.

I picked up the meat thing, holding it like a burrito, and took a bite.

I nodded enthusiastically and made “mmm!” sounds at Aiko, who seemed pleased by my reaction. I wonder if she made this, I thought as I took another bite. It actually was quite good. The stuffing was a strong sort of cheese, I was pretty sure. The meat was similar to venison, something my dad would cook every once in a while.

The sudden grief was a punch to the throat. I choked, unable to swallow the food in my mouth. Aiko stepped forward in concern, but I waved her off, reaching for my mug and chugging the milky liquid.

I ate the rest of the meal slowly, drowning in memories. I couldn’t bring myself to smile again.

Later that night, after Aiko left with my tray and Asha Wylfrael still hadn’t returned, I finally allowed myself to cry. I curled tightly under the fur bedspread, sobbing into the pillows. I wept for my dad who’d just died, for the mom who’d died before I’d ever got to properly meet her. There were tears for so much of my old life, snatched from my grip like a toy torn from a child’s hands. I cried for my friends, too. For Min-Ji and Suvi and the other women, some of whom I desperately hoped had survived all this.

And for the first time since being captured, I shook with the guilt of it all. For the fact that I was the one who’d lived when others hadn’t. I had been so focused on making sense of my new situation, of hating the fact that I was trapped, that I hadn’t stopped to realize the enormity of the fact that I had survived when my friends hadn’t.

I was alive. The people I loved weren’t. And I didn’t know how the fuck I was supposed to be worthy of that chance.

Eventually, the tears slowed, and I stared numbly at the burning boulder in the hearth.

I wanted to feel cleansed after crying.

But instead, I just felt empty.

I retreated into that hollow place, closed my eyes, and disappeared.

OceanofPDF.com

OceanofPDF.com

CHAPTER TWENTY Wylfrael

When I returned to the castle, night was halfway done. I landed at the back of the property and entered through the kitchen. I half expected to see Aiko in there cooking or scrubbing pots, but then reminded myself of the time. She’d probably long since gone to bed. Which reminded me that I needed to relieve Shoshen of his post outside the human’s door.

I moved quickly, flying up the many stairs since it was so much faster than walking. After the long flight today and my still-healing wounds, my wings were weary, but it still felt good to use them. They’d been folded under my back for so long while I’d slumbered.

The tunnels were too narrow to fly through, so I walked, but did so briskly, the satchel from Hoshta held tightly under my arm. I thought about depositing the satchel in my room first, but without seeming to have actually made a conscious decision on the matter, I went straight up to the human’s chamber door.

“My lord!” Shoshen flattened his ears.

“I hope the prisoner behaved herself for you and Aiko,” I said. My eyes were on the crystal door instead of my Sionnachan Master of the Grounds as he replied.

“Yes, my lord. She ate the food Aiko brought her with little fuss.”

I grunted at that. A part of me wanted to be satisfied with that and say, “Good.” But another part, an angry, twisting part, hated that she’d eaten without a fight for my servants, but not for me.

She submits to the servants but disobeys the lord...

What an infuriatingly upside-down sort of creature she was. I wanted to march in there, tear her out of her bed, set her on her ridiculously tiny feet and remind her which way was up. To remind her that I was a stone sky god, I was in control, I was the one to be obeyed.

“You’re dismissed, Shoshen.”

“Thank you, my lord. Ah, there is one other thing.”

He hesitated. I narrowed my eyes, and he inhaled quickly.

“She... she was making an odd sound before.”

“What sort of sound?” I asked sharply.

“I... I am not quite sure. It was a while ago, now. Just after sundown. It was a... a sort of quiet wailing sound.”

“Wailing?”

I dropped the satchel and slammed open the door with a blast of power. It was quicker than pulling it open with my hand.

She’d been wailing. Wailing!

With pain? With fear? Despair so thick it made her stupid, made her want to...

What have you done to yourself while I’ve been gone, little human?

She did not stir in the bed at my approach, and that filled me with fearful dread. It was only the sound of her breathing that made me stop at her bedside, that kept me from dragging her out and shaking her until she opened her eyes. Only the top of her dark head was visible in the firestone light, the rest of her cocooned in fur. Grinding my fangs against each other, I stared down at the lump that was my prisoner, and I hated her for making me afraid.

She’s breathing. She’s sleeping. Go.

And yet, I did not go. I remained, staring and loathing and fighting back the fear, listening to her breath like it was some sort of important call in the distance. An anthem to adhere to, bringing me to heel.

But that anthem didn’t sound quite right. Her breathing was stilted and almost wet-sounding.

Something is wrong.

My claws sank into the fur and pulled, revealing her small form. She did not wake right away, instead curling into a tight ball, her face hidden.

A muscle jumped in my cheek.

“Wake up!” I barked. “Why does your breathing sound like that?”

And why, why, why were you wailing?

At the sound of my voice she started, a jerking frisson running through her. As soon as her eyes were open and on me, she sat up, scrambling backwards and away from me until her back collided with the crystal headboard.

I sat on the bed, leaning towards her and boxing her in with my body. Her eyes darted back and forth, looking for escape, but we both knew there would be none.

“Stay still and let me look at you,” I hissed, reaching for her jaw so I could better see her face in the firestone light. She twanged into tense stillness under my touch as I held her face with both hands. It was hard to get a perfect sense of colour in the orange-tinted glow of the firestone, but she definitely looked paler than before. Her cheeks were two high, flaming spots of colour among the pallor of her skin, and the white parts of her eyes were now tinted red, too.