Instead of giving an answer, Maxim looked in the mirror at himself and his mom and understood the reason of her fear. Leaning on the self-made crutch, he left for his room without saying a word. He was walking down the hall slowly, fighting pain and dizziness, holding to the walls sometimes and taking breaks when dizziness was getting worse. Valentina watched him with astonishment and she had a feeling that she was watching his whole life passing by. Just like that, despite all hardships and difficulties, her son would be overcoming all life problems. With hard effort but so confidently, oh God! He would be able to achieve everything! Valentina Nikolaevna, with horror in eyes and pain in the heart suddenly understood that her son – almost mature man, and very soon she would lose him from life. He became dissolved in the adult life which would swallow him, just like her and the rest of people. Mother felt uncomfortable-she realized that everything started with that phone call and started to cry soundlessly, so that Maxim would not hear from his room. She felt down and tears were shedding even more. Very disappointed, she went to the bathroom and washed with cold water. Looking at herself in the mirror, Valentina Nikolaevna said to herself: «Why am I being stupid and keep on crying? I need to be glad for my son! Help him out. Gosh, what is going on with me? Why is it affecting me so strongly? What is happening»? Cold water made her calm down, so when she left the bathroom she proceeded to Maxim’s room.
After turning off the music and closing algebra book, mother sat next to her son. Putting away pen and notebook, Max looked at the mother sitting near and noticed by her reddish face that she was crying and worried about him. He always felt bad when the most precious person in his life – his mom – is suffering so much because of him. He was getting frustrated with himself involuntary for giving even a little reason for concerns. He always tried to avoid it and be an adult. It was the right thing to do, but that was something that was scaring his mother. Maxim thought that she was afraid to loose him because he was growing up. However, if he started to act childishly she was becoming irritated: she started to yell at him, showing her disapproval and reminded that she considered him an adult and not the little kid. Maxim had no idea how to deal with the situation. However, he knew that the best thing was to ask his mother weather to take a certain action or not. When he was telling something to his mom, she always put herself in the situation and was not interested or cared for situation. When something was very important for Max, mother thought that it was absolutely not necessary for him. He tried to tell it to his mom all the time but she didn’t understand. At those moments it seemed that she does not try to understand him, or (more then likely) just can’t. He assumed that she loved him very much, more then he loves her, if that could be possible. Every time when Max talked to her he tried to think of something insignificant or to discuss topics that were important to her. He tried to talk of those things easily and acceptably, as if he let know that everything connected with her was interesting. Son felt that they both can’t feel relaxed when spending time together. He could feel his mother’s worries and did not know how to start a dialog: her inner concerns reached him and he could not fight them.
– I was informed that the teacher won’t be able to visit me. I need to learn everything by myself and when I am back to school she would check all my assignments.
Max was looking at his mom and it seemed that she didn’t hear him, thinking about her own problems.
– What is the reason she can’t visit you?
– She does not feel good and missed three weeks at school.
– I see. Why did she call then if you study at home anyway?
– She wanted to find out how I am feeling. She is concerned.
– As if. She just does not want to waste her time, so told you that she is sick.
– Come on, mom. It is not necessary for her to come over at all, I can manage studies by myself. If she does not want to come over, it is fine. I won’t die from that! It is good that she called, I am glad.
– Did you check the temperature today? Your head is hot. You should go and lay down as the doctor advised.
– I need to catch up on studies and do a lot of readings. I am bored of staying in bed.
– Do your readings in bed. You are so weak, Maximka. You were weak after the surgery, and then broke a bone…
Mother started to cry again, hugging him, and he felt very guilty and upset because of his weakness and her sufferings, so that he could not continue sitting anymore and said:
– Mom, let me lay down, I don’t feel good.
Holding tears, she helped Maxim to lie down and left the room, leaving him alone. He was trying to fight dizziness again, which handicapped his thinking just like the gypsum – his ability to walk. Weakness was draining him out so much, that he felt as thought he had no strength for any action. It is not known for how long he would have to stay in bed. Max understood that he won’t feel better, vice versa, something is disturbing him, pushing on him. One thing was very clear: he needs to fight hard and not to give up despite all difficulties. There is no need to concentrate attention on the weakness or feelings which confuse him. He must proceed further without taking breaks since procrastination is equal to death.
Maxim was thinking about Svetlana Victorovna and realized right away how hard it was for her to make that phone call, and even more hard to say: «I am sorry, I won’t be able to visit you». He didn’t know how to react to that and what else to do so that those feelings disappear. Does she need them if they bring only suffering and she can’t do anything to change them? «Can I do something with it? – thought Max. – If yes, then the main question is how»? It is not right to bring misery with the feeling, which is supposed to bring happiness and uplift and not to provoke distress. It is necessary to get strengths and do something to make Svetlana happy and receive what she wants so much, so that this something can become a product of love and adoration. «Then she will forget me. Not right away, but slowly and painlessly. People forget very easy, especially good things, – thought Max sadly. – Moreover, Sveta has a family and a son. There must be a way to strengthen her family, otherwise, falling more in love with me, she would destroy it. May be not, but affliction needs to be prevented! So what can I do? Dissecting and analyzing the situation makes it clear that there is a solution: a baby». This sudden thought stroke Max. That has been an answer to all his thinking and concerns; it really was a real and deserving way out of the situation! He realized everything so fast, that his heart, weak at the moment, contracted and made him bend on the bed. For a couple of minutes, he could not breathe and move. Maxim recalled his dream and went through the accident and Svetlana’s life before it. He acknowledged that the reason which led to car crash was the strong desire to have another child. However, after the accident took place because of the psychological reasons Sveta could not have kids anymore. Max felt a little better, he started to breathe harder, as if he had taken a long and laborious run; he was sweating heavily and wanted to drink. He was suffocating from the lack of air. Remembering, that the doctor recommended aerating the room more, Maxim pushed away from the wall and fell on the floor from bed. He could not stand up but the balcony door was very close, so Max opened it a little bit, inhaled fresh air and lost consciousness. He woke up from coldness. After closing the balcony door with the effort, Max climbed to bed and came back to his reasoning. He could not warm up and was frozen even under the blanket, but he felt better and could think clearly.
