CHAPTER FOUR

I REMEMBERED.

I’d blacked out. Everything had gone white—like all the other moments when things had become too much with Gemma—but this time...I didn’t wake up with a chunk of my life missing.

I wasn’t left wondering what’d happened and what I’d done wrong; I’d known instantly.

I remembered running out of Fables after recalling how I’d raped Gemma in the library. I remembered my thoughts going dark and full of self-pity. I remembered running through the forest, barefoot like an animal, tearing through foliage as if leaves were rope trying to bind me.

I’d ripped off the splint around my healing arm. I’d done my best to outrun demons and memories, becoming fucking desperate with the need to be sane. To no longer have an endless headache. To be able to love the girl I’d fallen for. To be normal and no longer this broken beast.

And then, I’d heard her scream.

I’d run faster, searching for her in the dark.

I’d seen a man holding her, hurting her.

I’d lost myself to the violence that I’d buried every day of my existence.

And now...now I sat in the games room at Fables, sitting opposite a man I never thought I’d see again. A man who’d left me because I’d told him to. A man who was more stranger than brother.

What the fuck had happened to him?

Why did horrors flow in his eyes—different horrors to the ones we’d shared? Where had the scar on his cheek come from? Why had it taken him eleven years to return?

Gemma sat perched on the armrest of the couch next to me, uncertain and unsure. She’d been jumpy ever since we’d arrived back at Fables, watching as Jareth had stalked inside without an invitation.

Not that he’d needed one.

This was his home as much as mine. Our prison. Our coffin.

I’d shadowed him as he stalked through the foyer and into the library. He’d slammed to a stop as his eyes fell on the carpet where I’d shot Storymaker and commanded everyone to leave. His back had stiffened, his breath had turned sharp, and he’d turned to me with a sickening grin on his face.

He didn’t speak. He didn’t need to.

We both remembered what’d happened here and that all those monsters were dead. Because of me.

I remembered everything.

All the memories of my Fable sister’s screams and tears were no longer hidden behind locked doors. They’d been let loose the moment I’d attacked Jareth. Recollections of my own torture mingled with those that’d happen to Jareth, Wes, and Maliki.

They’d folded in on me as I’d blacked out. I’d hoped they’d return to the shadows.

But no such luck.

They’d been let loose and they refused to leave.

My head was fucking crowded.

I couldn’t shut them up or shove them away. They made Fables come alive again. I saw their ghosts around every corner. I heard their voices up the stairs. I witnessed the fear, the pain, and the never-ending monstrosities that were done to us.

I wanted to lock them away again.

I didn’t think I could cope with my past running amok in my head and Jareth infiltrating my present.

Even now, sitting silent and stiff in the games room, I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t let down my guard because I no longer trusted him.

He once owned a piece of my heart—just like all my family—but now...now, Gemma owned that heart. Her well-being came above his and I was torn in two.

Gemma flicked a glance at me as if sensing I thought about her.

The sky was lightning outside, signaling dawn wasn’t far away.

I was exhausted. Gem had shadows beneath her eyes and Jareth looked worse as the minutes ticked over. His bruising had darkened, his cuts still oozing blood.

I should tend to him.

I should’ve done it the moment we walked inside.

Clearing my throat, I went to stand, but my constant headache made the room swim. “Stay. What do you need?” Gem instantly came to sit by my side, her hand landing on my shoulder, her touch electrifying me, covering me in shame for how I’d treated her, run from her, made her doubt just how much she fucking meant to me.

What would she think of me if I admitted I’d been so close to ending it tonight? That I’d wanted her so fucking badly that I was willing to put myself out of my misery because I didn’t know how to be the man she deserved.

I didn’t know how to apologize.

I didn’t know how to love her without hurting her.

I would never get over how strong she was, how forgiving. I still didn’t understand how she could touch me, smile at me, care for me after I’d raped her. Those memories were far too sharp and savage. She’d fought me. She’d screamed at me. She’d stopped fighting me when I ignored her and took what I wanted anyway.

Fuck.

I flinched away from her touch.

Her eyes flared with hurt but she stood bravely and smiled. “I’ll go and get you guys some painkillers. I have no doubt your arm will be killing you—especially seeing as you’ve removed your splint.” Her eyes grazed over my arm before darting to Jareth sprawled in a button leather armchair by the fireplace. Animal hides darted the floor like islands between us. Antlers hung above the mantel, glinting sharply amongst the tarnished shields and swords decorating the walls.

A room of death.

Why the fuck were we in this one? Then again, were there any rooms in this place that weren’t touched with death?

“You’re not allergic to any pain meds, are you?” Gem asked Jareth, her voice stiff and strict. She might’ve protected him from my wrath and helped snap me out of whatever hate-fuelled bloodlust I’d been in, but she wasn’t his friend.

Jareth ran a hand over his jaw, pushing against a new bruise and swelling. “No. I have a tolerance for all drugs. Whatever you have, I’ll take.”

My eyes narrowed. What did he mean by that? We’d never been given drugs at Fables, apart from the odd painkiller when a guest got particularly nasty. We’d never been force fed chemicals to keep us inline.

Leaning forward, I shook away what I could of my headache and focused on him. “You use drugs?”

Gemma subtly left the room, taking my oxygen with her and leaving me with a thousand questions for Jareth.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t comfortable asking them in front of her, it was my constant need to keep my past away from my present. Gemma represented hope and happiness that I still had no idea how to claim. Jareth reminded me of all the shit we’d endured and done, ensuring we weren’t suitable for silly things like relationships or love because we had no concept of the word.

We only knew how to love each other because we were all each other had.

But you have Gem now.

You need to talk to her.

Clear the air about why you ran tonight.

Balling my hands, I ignored the faint twinge in my arm and waited for Jareth to answer me.

He mimicked me, clasping his hands between his legs and sitting forward. “I’ve dabbled with a few.”

“What few?”

His teeth flashed. “Everything.”

“By choice or force?”

His body tightened just a little, but I noticed. I noticed because even though he was more stranger than brother, I still knew him. I’d once protected his body and soothed his mind. I’d done everything I could to take away his nightmares even while I’d drowned beneath mine.

“I didn’t come here to talk about me, Kassen.”

I jolted at my name on his lips. It dragged up a million memories all over again. My ears rang with Quell’s voice murmuring my name as we’d cut ourselves in the dorm. My heart burned with echoes as Nyx made me promise to keep Wes alive.

My name had been used by guests who’d turned me into nothing more than their fuck toy but it’d also been breathed with love by my family. I’d forgotten that part. I’d allowed hate to ruin everything.

“Why did you come?” I glanced at the door where Gem had disappeared. How long did we have to talk openly? Would Jareth speak truthfully with her around or not?