I also, selfishly, didn’t want him seeing trees in the distance and running.

I didn’t fully trust that Kas was adaptable to suburban life. The call to return to the wild might be too great, and the urge to lock all my doors and trap him inside made me just as bad as the monsters who’d captured him in his youth.

“I won’t.” He looked at me one last time, his gaze still heated from our mutual orgasm and weary from our journey. “Good night, Gem.”

He closed the door before I could blow him a kiss goodbye.

OceanofPDF.com

OceanofPDF.com

OceanofPDF.com

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I CLUTCHED THE PILLOW I’d stolen from Gemma’s bed.

Her scent covered it, making my cock twitch for a second round. I hadn’t meant to pounce on her like that. I hadn’t asked if she was okay with it. I hadn’t even looked around her home before the urge to be inside her undid me.

I’d needed her, not because I wanted her to soothe the aches in my chest and the splinters in my head, nor because I was at the point of complete oversaturation thanks to all this goddamn newness. I’d needed her because she was my link between this world and my old one.

She was my one constant—the girl who kept me grounded enough to accept what was happening and to have faith that I’d still be standing when the dust settled. If I was totally honest with myself, I’d needed her to remind myself that I was still me.

Still a man.

Still worthy of her even if I currently had nothing to my name. I no longer had a valley, a way of growing food, or the monotony of daily survival tasks, and that left me with a very uncomfortable question.

Who the fuck am I?

And who did I want to become?

In reality, that question was simple.

I was free.

Free.

And for the first time, I was afraid of that word.

Afraid of the sheer size of it. The weight of it. The overwhelming shock that I was free, but I had no idea how to be free.

I pinched my brow, squeezing my eyes closed while standing silently in Gemma’s corridor. A white flash blinded me—the tenth one today.

I’d been able to hide the majority from Gem while she was driving. The ones in the car had come and gone as we’d driven farther from the valley, and each time, the whiteness had tormented me with instability. The newness of everything hurt—using pain against me as if seeking a cure by forcing me to forget.

It didn’t like that I wasn’t on board with chosen amnesia anymore. My mind couldn’t understand why I refused to let the whiteness sweep everything away. Luckily, the blankness only managed to steal a few seconds here and there.

I wouldn’t let them take any more than that from me. I still cursed the loss of the night I’d shared a bath with Gemma. For her to have a memory that I had no recollection of fucking killed me. And who knew? Perhaps, if I’d actually been able to remember that night, I might’ve already healed in so many ways.

My nostrils flared as I blinked back the worst of the whiteness and opened my eyes. Inhaling hard, I brushed aside the rest of the haze and focused on Gem’s corridor. I knew where I was. I knew what’d happened up to this point. My mind was intact even though it didn’t want to be.

The doctor, back at the hospital, had described my micro blackouts as my brain misfiring. That it was a healing process that some concussed patients had to go through.

He’d told me to brace through them but not fight them. To pretend each attack was just heavy whitewash from a wave crashing upon a rock. The only difference from being washed away and forgetting like I had at Fables was to hold on to that rock until the wave passed.

And it would pass.

They would stop, eventually.

I just had to hold on until then.

Looking back at Gem’s closed door, I moved away.

I hadn’t been lying that I didn’t trust myself around her. I’d snuck one of the pills the doctor had given me and would commit to taking a medicine I didn’t understand if it made me sane, but I didn’t know how powerful they were in preventing night terrors so soon.

Therefore, I would sleep alone.

Like usual.

Miles and miles away from the place I used to call home. Far, far away from Jareth and his party with alcohol and fire, and I was still seeking a dormitory in which to barricade myself inside.

I shook my head at my stupidity.

I was getting sick of this side of myself. The side that was still a victim. Still unsure that this new life could be trusted.

My feet stopped.

I wanted to go back into her bedroom so fucking badly. I wanted to curl around her and fall asleep with her in my arms. I wanted to be normal. To fully claim her and stop all the shit inside my head.

But fuck...if I woke up and found I’d hurt her?

My heart almost stopped.

Soon.

Focus on fixing the rest of yourself, and then you can be normal.

For now...sleeping apart was for both our sakes.

Hugging her pillow, I padded down the corridor and stuck my head into the bathroom and two other bedrooms. One bedroom was an office with wall-to-wall shelving full of climbing photos, framed accolades, a desk full of technology, and a box in the corner overflowing with ropes and old climbing shoes. The other bedroom had been converted into a workout spot with a yoga mat in the middle of the floor along with numerous pink and purple climbing holds screwed into the wall, creeping over the ceiling with a chin-up bar braced on the other side of the room.

I paused.

My heart swelled with gratefulness that Gem valued her own space so much, she’d banished all space for any guests.

My mouth went sour at that word.

Fuck.

I never wanted to see another guest in my life. And where better place to stay than in a house that had no space for anyone else but me and Gem.

When I’d first walked into her house, I’d felt claustrophobic. Her living room and kitchen would’ve fit into the foyer of Fables. Her bedroom was the size of one of my old bathrooms, yet...something was special about this place that Fables had never been able to earn.

This felt comforting. Safe. The soft cream on the walls with white trim and pretty artwork of sunsets over boulders and sunrises over forests gave me a vibe of relaxation and peace.

Heading back to the living room, I eyed up the mess left behind by her brother. My lips twitched to think that Gem and her brother’s cleanliness weren’t nearly as obsessive as mine. Then again, they had a life to live. They had things outside of cleaning and cooking to spend their time on. It wasn’t that I liked cleaning. It was just something to do. A task to keep my hands busy while my mind faded more and more.

An itch to clean filled me. To ensure that when Gem woke in the morning, her house was spotless.

I didn’t know how long it would be before I could earn money of my own, but for now...I had two hands and a knack for cleaning after a decade of training.

It’s the least I can do.

Tossing my pillow onto her couch, I marched into the kitchen to search the cupboards for cleaning products. She only had the bare minimum disinfectant spray and glass cleaner, along with half a roll of paper towel.

Her lack of supplies surprised me.

I’d run out of all this stuff a year after killing everyone at Fables. I’d gone through copious amounts of bleach and rags to clean out the blood and putrid stench of death. If Fables hadn’t had a year’s worth supply of cleaning products, I wouldn’t have been able to get it as spotless as I did.

However, what was Gemma’s excuse?