“So there’s no point in me training then?” she said, sounding crestfallen.

A mess of emotions warred through me at the sad look in her eyes and the way her shoulders slumped. I rubbed my temples, trying to think of how best to handle this request. “I can’t deny that knowing how to defend yourself would be in your best interest, given our situation.” The proximity of the Angels twisted my gut. “A trained warrior will beat an untrained one most of the time, unless the size difference is enormous, like us.” Sighing, I dropped my hands to the ties of my pants and stripped them away. “So if you want to learn to fight, I will teach you. Or Rapp. Maybe a few trusted others.”

A smile split her face, and she rushed to me, throwing her arms around my bare torso. The sticky apple core touched my back, but I was too shocked by her actions to move. A floral, rosy scent enveloped me, stronger now that she’d had a chance to bathe again.

That fucking smell would be the undoing of Ravasz’s greatest general.

“Thank you, Rokath,” she said into my chest, then dropped her arms and backed away before I had a chance to return the embrace. I itched to hold her like I had beneath the waterfall. I hated myself for thinking that, for knowing that. She was a distraction I couldn’t afford, especially not now.

“I–uh–of course. I don’t know why I didn’t consider it before.” I knew exactly why I had decided against it before—I didn’t trust anyone else to be near her besides Rapp and I barely wanted to be around her myself. Hence, no training her to fight. “If you’ll excuse me, I would like to bathe.”

Before she could say anything, I strode to the attached bathing chamber and shut the door. Did I really ask her to excuse me? What the fuck had gotten into me?

I wasn’t the asking type. I was the telling type.

Through the door, Assyria cooed at Grem and Zeec, then their tails thumped against the bed. No doubt, she was rubbing their greedy bellies while munching on those apples. Shaking myself out of whatever state I was in, I strode to the tub and turned the taps. The water trickled slowly, and since it was such a precious resource in this part of the Demon Realm, I used the stream to begin to wash rather than waiting for it to fill.

I cleaned myself automatically, still reeling from the interaction with my mate.

Perhaps I should wait in here until she falls asleep.

There was no telling what I would do with another interaction with her this evening. She pulled out this vulnerable side of me that I buried deep, deep down. Because I was the Fates’ chosen, woven into existence with the most powerful magic Keleti had seen in millenia. I had a duty to Xannirin, to all the Demons. It was a lonely, heavy burden to bear. Even with Rapp by my side, I still felt so utterly alone in protecting all those lives.

That was what plagued me on the nights I couldn’t sleep for the past decade. What would happen if I failed? The millions of lives that would be lost—the entire race that would never be again.

There was no room for error. I had to be perfect all the time, in every battle, in every decision. The pressure was larger than the Skala Mountains and heavier than if I’d been buried under them.

I never let anyone see this part of me. Not even Rapp. And yet, I wanted to share it with Assyria. She saw through my hardened exterior. I wanted to be selfish with her, to lose myself in her so I didn’t have to fucking think for five minutes. Every time I’d been inside her, the world had fallen away like it wasn’t even there.

And after everything I’d been through, I needed that. Desperately.

Yet letting myself fall into the distraction that was her was deadly. For it would be so fucking easy for me to make a mistake, to let the Angels have another victory, if I wasn’t paying attention to every minute detail.

Assyria was lonely too. Perhaps she was right, and we could share our pain. At least we’d somewhat understand each other. She wanted to comfort me too, which was entirely foreign. I’d relied on myself for so long, kept everyone at arm’s length—further—for so long, I didn’t know how to let her in exactly.

With a sigh, I made my decision to return as soon as I finished. We had an early start in the morning, and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity to sleep in a decent bed, not when insomnia had struck me more often than not lately.

The usual pressure-filled thoughts weren’t the ones keeping me awake.

No, it was that I spent hours studying the slope of Assyria’s nose, her profile in the changing light, and contemplating everything that had happened. I knew exactly where each of her freckles were, and the little tiny hairs that sprung from her plaits. Her body was fit from years working the fields, and I knew every curve and dip in the muscles that graced her slim frame.

When she slept, she was quiet. She allowed me to take her in, to process the situation in a way that felt comfortable to me. For so long, I’d suppressed all feeling, wholly focused on mastering my magic, increasing my fighting prowess, and winning this war.

Entering the wildfire of emotion and hoping not to get burned again was an arduous ask.

With the pressure of conscripting more soldiers, then steering them all to Uzhhorod and finally pushing through the Paks Desert to Ustlyak, it had been difficult for me to relax. So many people wanting or needing something from me. So many decisions to be made. So many strategies to analyze. The intrusion was constant during the day.

That was why I always loved the silence of night.

By the time I was clean, a low humming filled the sleeping room, and I assumed Assyria was entertaining herself again. Wrapping a bath sheet around my waist, I cracked open the door and found her beneath the covers without the brace around her shoulder. The lead healer had given her permission to leave it off completely earlier that day, and yet I still felt this compulsion to pull the roll of fabric from my bag and wrap it gently around her.

To touch her. To be with her. To care for her.

I hated that I felt this way about her.

So why was it that when I crawled into bed beside her, I couldn’t tear myself away from settling my hand on the gentle slope of her waist? I craved her, and yet I couldn’t allow myself to have her. I’d claimed her, and yet she wasn’t entirely mine.

The desire to protect her had long surpassed what the bond had insisted I do in the beginning. When that change occurred, I wasn’t sure. I thought we had something after we coupled under the waterfall.

But she pulled away from me, and I couldn’t understand why. Especially when she seemed to come back.

I shattered any further examination of my feelings on what had happened. Within the week, we’d be facing off with the Angels on the battlefield once more.

If I didn’t remain entirely focused on that, we would all die. And I’d worked far too hard to let that happen.

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***

Four young males clung to the shadows, barely managing to maintain control over their own as they snuck, roaring drunk, back into the barracks. The town had been too much of a hub of excitement that evening to resist the temptation of joining the revelers in the streets as the Demons rang in the new year.

The four weren’t the only soldiers to sneak away.

Yet these four knew they had early patrol the following day, and if they stayed out any later, they wouldn’t have time to regain their composure before riding out for the border. Ensuring the Angels remained firmly on their side of the wall that divided Keleti was of the highest importance, which was why every fresh graduate of the academy in Fured was required to do a two year rotation in one of a dozen outposts.