“What?” Gaping in shock, I looked at Enosh, who’s eyes narrowed with concern, then back down at the stake. “If I… if I do this, you’ll give me my life back?”

“A mortal’s breath in exchange for yours sounds fair to me.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I reached for the stake, letting my fingertips stutter over Eilam’s palm before I closed it around the smooth wood. He thought I would give up on my child? That I gave a rat’s ass about one measly soldier?

I rose and hurried toward the line of men. Positioning myself behind a gray-bearded soldier, I brought the stake to the man’s throat, scratching it bloody with how my entire arm tossed under the strain.

Yarin grinned.

Eilam narrowed his eyes.

Enosh, however… oh, he looked as though he was only waiting for me to stab the man’s throat so he could fuck me in the puddle of blood. Maybe I’d let him right after I did this. And I would; I could. For my baby, I could.

I gripped the man’s hair.

I pulled back on it.

I pressed the stake against his throat.

The man screamed.

Thud.

The stake suddenly lay in the snow, clean and innocent and unused, all while my empty hand shook uncontrollably. Tremors wandered up my arm from where they invaded my core, making me twitch so hard, the world around me distorted.

Eilam vanished where he sat, the only remnant left behind was the sound of his words. “Point proven.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 20

OceanofPDF.com

Ada

Limbs, lifeless and heavy, tossed about where I sat on the horse in front of Enosh, scolding myself for my damn weakness.

If only I’d stabbed that man’s throat…

After hours of self-imposed silence, I blew out a breath, watching it billow into a night colder than death itself. “You c-can say if you’re ups-set with me.”

Enosh wrapped what had to be our third fur tighter around me, but not even the King of Flesh and Bone could keep my teeth from chattering anymore. “How could I be upset about something that made me fall in love with you in the first place?”

His sweet words weren’t helping my goal to rack up some of that wickedness he claimed I had little of. “Had I k-killed the man, I might be alive now instead of f-fr-freezing my arse off. We could ride to the high temple, kill all the p-priests, then fa-finally go home. I only ever killed damn fish, and they don’t s-scream.”

“Not to mention that injured bird you accidentally stepped on as a child,” he mused. “The one you once told me about… and had you in tears for two days.”

“It made an awful popping sound.” I rubbed the cold tip of my nose on the cape, pulling frigid air into my lungs in an inhale of courage. “Can I ask you something?”

“The answer is many,” he said while stiffening behind me, clearly aware I’d wanted to know about the children beyond the Soltren Gate. “Caught in the outreaches of my anger and grief. A number you cannot possibly imagine.”

But I was gaining an idea with every stray soldier or nightguard we met on our way to Elderfalls, for Enosh killed them all in passing. “Do you ever regret it?”

“Not for the reasons you would wish, Ada. To me, mortals are nothing but flesh and bone, sweat and scars. Being born only to die, so I may strengthen the bridges of the silent graveyard that is my empty, empty home.” A heavy sigh followed by what had to be the hundredth kiss of our journey right atop my head. “I know it is not what you wanted to hear.”

No, but it was exactly what I needed to hear to gain clarity. “Are you still spreading rot for the children?”

“Ever since we left the Pale Court.”

I twisted on the horse’s back and stared into the blackness from which we’d emerged. Hundreds of corpses trudged behind us, gathered from one town, seven villages, and a tavern we’d come across by chance—where Yarin had chosen to spend the night.

Over a hundred self-murders.

Not a single glimpse of Eilam.

Enosh spared women and children wherever we went, focusing on soldiers, priests, and the occasional idiot who came at us with a pitchfork or shovel. Perhaps it was his way of showing me he truly wanted to be the man I’d asked him to be—for as long as he could.

The problem was, I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad anymore. Bad, probably, for it chipped away that determination Enosh wanted to prove to his brother, and in turn, strengthening Eilam’s belief that Enosh would be forced to stop.

Because of me.

I settled my hand on Enosh’s where he held me by the waist. “Did you ever ask your brother to twist my thoughts?”

“On the contrary. I asked him many a time to leave them alone.”

Because Enosh longed to be truly loved, just like Eilam had said. “Would you ever do it?”

“Not to gain your love.”

He wouldn’t have to.

Somewhere between the forest, death, and drowning, I’d fallen in love with this man against principle, peccancy, and precaution. Could no longer disguise lust for loathing, pleasure for pain, or even love for lunacy.

Enosh was complicated and cruel, yes, but he was not without his merits. Regardless of his twisted morality, he’d showed me more love, attention, and care ever since I’d crawled out of that grave than others had in my entire life. Killings aside, he tried hard to behave himself.

“To strip me of compassion, then?” I asked. “I saw how you looked at each other.”

“I contemplated the necessity to have Yarin… flare your hatred for these mortals so it would not fall to me once more.” Several hoofbeats shattered the drawn-out silence, until he finally added, “Of course, that was before Eilam tested your resolve. Easing you into a content bystander would have been easy enough, for a while.”

I glanced behind me, finding his stare unusually dull. “A while?”

“Even the God of Whispers has limitations.”

“Enosh, the woman at Airensty slit her own throat.”

“She grieved her fallen husband and, from what I understand, had also recently lost a son. Has he not whispered into your mind in an attempt to rouse tender feelings for me, back when you still wore that pretty necklace—”

“It was a collar.”

“So pretty. A shame it went missing. I might fashion you a new necklace, though less tight around your beautiful neck.” His voice carried a hint of jest, letting me hear his grin even in the darkness. “Once his whispers faded, did you love me?”

“I hated you before and loathed you after.”

“Precisely, and oh-so painfully honest.” There was a hint of a laugh. “Eilam is now convinced of your wavering, counting that Yarin will reach his limitations before I reach the kind of devastation required to end this.”

“You should have done it the moment Yarin showed up. Strip me of that damn compassion. Maybe then I would have killed the man.”

“Two hundred years of lies, deceit, and illusions. I did not want to bring this between us unless necessary. Perhaps it was, but it is of no consequence anymore. At this point, all we have left is the hope that my perseverance will bring about his surrender before it brings about your renewed hate.”

My throat narrowed.

We needed a better plan.

Because the longer I sat on this horse as a silent observer, the more people would die. At the same time, watching how Enosh turned the lands beyond yet another gate into a boneyard would only drive a new wedge between us. The worst part…?

It might not return our child.

That much, Enosh had made clear.

If I wanted my baby and to stop this killing, to finally gain some peace now that Enosh and I had grown closer, I had to convince Eilam that I would not stop my husband’s vengeance. The fastest, most reliable way of going about that…?