“I don’t think I can stay still.” My blood thrummed as his thumb swept over the bundle of nerves.

“Then we stop.” Ash’s gaze locked onto mine, and he added another finger, stretching me. “You don’t get to come on my fingers, and I don’t get to taste you again. You don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“No.” I fisted his tunic.

“Then don’t move.”

Heart thundering, I watched him sit back. His gaze left mine and traveled slowly down, over the shallow rise and fall of my chest to where the robe had parted at my navel. He could see the most intimate part of me, and this was nothing like the moonlight-drenched bank of the lake, or even when he’d stood behind me in the bathing chamber. There was no hiding anything. Not that I wanted to. Not even because I was completely at his will and trying everything to stay still as he moved his fingers faster, swirling his thumb over the throbbing bundle of nerves. I watched him watching himself—his long, slick fingers thrusting between my spread thighs. I had never seen anything so…erotic in my entire life.

My body coiled tight as a breathy moan parted my lips. My hips jerked, and Ash clasped them, his fingers pressing into the flesh, holding me still. A quake hit me.

“That’s it.” His voice was almost guttural, a tone I’d never heard from him before. “I can feel you.”

His avid focus scorched my skin, turning my blood to liquid fire. Every point of my body seemed to tighten all at once. His fingers pumped inside me, and I started to shake. He let out a hoarse groan as I came apart, lost in the ripples of pleasure as my head fell back once more. Bliss swept through me, easing the taut muscles and clearing my thoughts. I didn’t become nothing, not in the way I was painfully familiar with. Not in the way that made me feel alone, unworthy and inhuman. Me. Whoever I was. But I was present, and the soft touch of Ash’s lips against mine was a reminder of that.

I was still there as he eased his hand from me and lifted it. I caught a teasing glimpse of his fangs as he drew his fingers into his mouth. My entire body reacted at the sight, clenching.

A grin appeared as he lowered his hand and then his mouth, kissing me, this time softly, slowly. There was something sweet about the shallow, almost tentative kisses. They were also wicked because I tasted myself on his lips.

I continued to sink into the pillows, body boneless as his mouth left mine. He brushed a strand of hair back from my face. “Thirty-six.”

My eyes fluttered open. “What?”

“Freckles,” he said, his cheeks…pinker than usual. “You have thirty-six of them on your face.”

That strange, whirring sensation surged through my chest. “You actually counted them?”

“I did.” Ash rocked back. “I did the first day you were here. I counted them again to make sure I was correct. I was.” He fixed the loosened tie of my robe. “I really hope there’s no doubt left when it comes to my interest in you.”

“There’s not.”

“Good.”

And it was good. I should feel good. His attraction to me was very real. It was a step in the direction I needed to take. Still, unease bubbled.

His gaze lifted to mine, and the slow swirl of eather had an almost hypnotic effect. “I need to clean up and change.”

My brows knitted, and I started to ask why when he rose and I saw that his breeches were darker at his hip and pelvis. The material appeared damp. Had he…found release? My eyes shot to his. I hadn’t touched him. He hadn’t even touched himself.

A lopsided grin appeared on his full lips. “As I said, I hope there’s no doubt about my interest.”

I was at a loss for words as he walked to the doors joining our chambers. Ash stopped and looked back at me. “I’ll be back.”

I said nothing when he turned the deadbolt and opened the door, disappearing into the darkness of his chambers. Dumbly, I watched him close the doors, thinking it was strange that a lock and a too-thin sheet of wood separated our chambers.

Closing my eyes, I sank into the pillows. I didn’t think he’d come back, and right now, that was probably for the best. I didn’t…feel right. It had to be the whiskey and whatever was in that potion.

The soft click of a door a few minutes later drew my eyes open. I looked over, any and all thoughts fizzling upon sight of Ash.

He had cleaned up and changed, wearing some sort of loose black pants and a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up, and the collar left open. His hair was damp and pushed back from the striking lines of his face.

And he had come back.

Like he’d said he would.

My heart started thundering, beating so fast.

Ash stopped at the edge of the bed. “I know you should rest. I know I should…let you be, but I…” His chest rose with a deep breath. “If it’s okay with you, I would just like to be here with you. That’s all. Just be here.”

Throat dry and stomach dipping, I nodded. “That’s okay with me.”

He didn’t move for what felt like an eternity, and it made me wonder if he had thought I would refuse him. But then he eased his long body onto the bed beside me. He was on his side, facing me, and I might’ve stopped breathing as his gaze met mine.

“You okay?” he asked after a few moments had passed.

“Yes,” I rasped.

One eyebrow rose. “You sure?”

“Uh-huh.”

He grinned. “You appear frozen.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t mean to.” My cheeks warmed. “I just…I’ve never lain with someone before.”

“Really?” Doubt crept into his voice. “I assumed you had.”

“No—wait.” My eyes widened. “You mean have sex? Yes. I’ve done that.” I stiffened. “Does that bother you?”

“No.” He laughed, letting one hand rest in the space between us. “Then what do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve never lain in bed with someone. Slept or rested beside them,” I explained. “Ever.”

“Neither have I.” His eyes were a soft gray, the pulse of eather muted behind his pupils.

“Slept beside someone?”

“That. Or anything really. Not with Veses. Not with anyone. I’ve never lain with anyone before.”

Even though I suspected he didn’t have much experience based on what he’d said at the lake, shock still rippled through me. I would’ve thought he had some experience. “Why?” I asked and then immediately cringed. “I’m sorry. That’s probably not any of my business—”

“I think it is,” he said, and there was that damn, strange whirl again. He picked up the tail of my braid from where it had fallen on my arm. “I don’t know. I just never really…let anything get to that point. It seemed too much of a risk to become close to anyone.”

A sharp slice of sorrow cut through my chest, unwanted but there. It could be because of the other Primals, but I thought it had a lot more to do with what’d happened to his parents.

I thought of the gods on the wall.

I thought of how Nektas was the only one I’d heard call him Ash. I had no idea if that symbolized anything or not, but he’d said it was a risk to become close to anyone.

“You have friends,” I said. “Ector? Rhain? Saion—”

He looked over at me as he drew his thumb over my braid. “They are loyal guards. I trust them.”

I was willing to bet that even though he’d referred to Lathan as a friend, it was probably nothing more than a word to him—no actual meaning behind it. The back of my throat burned as I stared at the scar on his chin. His life seemed as lonely as mine.

And maybe that was why I asked what I did. A question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to, even if I needed it. “Why are you taking that risk now?”

Thick lashes lifted, and steel-gray eyes pierced mine. “Because I can’t seem to stop myself, even though I know better. Even though I know I’ll probably end up hating myself for it. Even though you will probably end up hating me.”

Chapter 31