I was already just another body around here. One that was mostly ignored. But whatever…

“And then there is the heir,” Sir Holland stated flatly. “Who is still extremely angry over what happened in the stables last week.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still upset with him for whipping that horse because of his foolishness and lack of skill,” I retorted. “Every time I see him, I want to punch him again.”

“While his behavior towards that animal was abominable, blackening the Heir of Lasania’s eye and then threatening to use the whip in the same manner as he did was not the wisest choice.”

“But it was the most satisfactory,” I said, grinning.

He ignored that. “The Prince should’ve already ascended the throne by now. If it weren’t for Princess Kayleigh becoming ill and having to return to Irelone, he likely would have.” He looked over his shoulder at me, his hickory-hued eyes boring into mine as I quickly wiped the grin from my face. “Something I’m sure you had nothing to do with.”

“Princess Kayleigh is very ill and had to return home to be cared for. Tavius could’ve chosen another as his bride. However, he’s too lazy to ascend the throne and have, you know, responsibilities beyond being a drunken, lecherous pig. So, he’s going to delay marriage for as long as possible.”

“And I suppose Princess Kayleigh’s sickness had nothing to do with the potion you acquired that made her skin pale and her stomach unsteady?”

I kept my face perfectly blank. “I have no idea what you speak of.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Lies, a shadowy voice echoed in my thoughts. I desperately ignored it. Like I had for the last two weeks, since the night I stood in the study of the townhome. “How do you even know about that?”

“I know more than you think I do, Sera.”

My stomach tumbled a bit. Was he talking about when I actually did run a bit wild through the capital? Namely at The Luxe? Gods, I hoped not. Sir Holland wasn’t exactly a fatherly figure, but still, the idea of him knowing about the time I spent there made me want to vomit a little.

I couldn’t even consider that, so I pushed it from my thoughts. “I can handle Tavius.”

“Barely,” he replied, and I stiffened. “And only because you’re faster than he is. One day, he’ll get lucky. You won’t be fast enough.” Sir Holland’s features softened. “I don’t bring this up to be cruel, but until you’re gone from here, he’s a threat.”

I knew he wasn’t being cruel. Sir Holland was never that. He was just stating a fact. But there was only one way I would ever leave Lasania, and that would be when I died. I sighed heavily. “What does any of that have to do with an honorable or quick death?”

“Well, besides the fact that a dying mortal can still wield a weapon, an enemy is rarely one by choice,” he told me. “They usually become such due to other people’s choices, or they become enemies because of situations they had little control over. I would think you, of all people, would be more empathetic to that.”

I knew he wasn’t talking about the Vodina Isles Lords, but those who became desperate due to situations so out of their control, they found themselves doing things they’d never consider. Mortals who became someone else’s nightmare because it was the only way they could survive.

Shame scalded the back of my neck as I shifted uncomfortably on my feet.

Sir Holland’s gaze flickered over my face. “What is going on with you, Sera? You’ve been off the last couple of days. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong...?” I trailed off. There were many things wrong, starting with why Sir Holland still met with me daily to train. It wasn’t just to keep me prepared in case I needed to defend myself or if the Queen decided my skill could be used to deliver a personal blow.

Sir Holland behaved as if I were still integral to the survival of Lasania. That the Primal of Death would come for me. I still didn’t have the heart to tell him what the Primal had said to me. I thought… I thought he needed to believe there was hope, because nothing had stopped the Rot from spreading. The only way we knew to do that was to kill the Primal.

And the Rot was getting worse. There had been a few showers in the last month, but nothing of substance. Before that, the storms had brought chunks of ice, crushing and sheering vegetation as it slammed to the ground. People were concerned the cornfields would yield only half what they did last season.

How much longer could Lasania continue on like this?

It was the Kazin siblings that had been murdered. That small babe, and the lack of answers surrounding why they had been killed.

I had gone back to their neighborhood the following day to ask around about the Kazin family. I’d learned that their parents had passed a year before. No one had anything bad to say about them or the siblings. Galen had been described as comely and shy, someone who was often seen strolling the nearby gardens early in the mornings with her babe. And no one had been sure who the child’s father was, but it was believed to be some ne’er-do-well who’d abandoned her after discovering that she was pregnant. Magus was said to be a flirt but loyal and friendly. Come to find out, he had been a guard for Carsodonia. Not as high-ranking as a Royal Guard or Royal Knight, but a defender of the city. I wondered if I’d seen him before. If I passed him in the halls of Wayfair. He was one of thousands, a name with no face. It was also the knowledge that four other mortals had also been killed.

I’ll be watching.

An icy shiver danced across the nape of my neck. It was also him. The god whose name I didn’t know. It had taken a good week for me to fully accept that I had, in fact, threatened a god. And kissed one. Had enjoyed being kissed by him. But what I couldn’t figure out was the lingering memory of rightness when I’d been around him. A feeling that still made no sense, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he watched as I moved about the streets of Carsodonia. And some incredibly idiotic, reckless, and disturbed part of me…anticipated crossing paths with him again. I wanted to know why he’d kissed me. There’d been other ways to hide and disguise ourselves, like moving farther away from the other gods for starters.

My focus shifted to the closed door. “I don’t know. I’m just in a weird mood.”

Sir Holland approached, handing the dagger to me. “You sure that’s all?”

I nodded.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Sir Holland—”

“I don’t,” he insisted. “Do you know why we still practice every day?”

My grip tightened on the dagger as everything I wanted to say started to bubble up in me. “Honest? I don’t know why we do this.”

His brows flew up. “That was a rhetorical question, Sera.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be,” I shot back. “What is the point?”

Shock splashed across his face. “The point? The lives—”

“Of everyone in Lasania depend on me ending the Rot,” I interrupted. “I know that. I’ve lived that since birth. And it’s all I can think about every time I see the Rot spreading through farm after farm. Every day that it doesn’t rain, and the sun continues scorching crops, and every time I think about what winter might bring, I think of all those lives.” I inhaled sharply but didn’t hold it as he’d taught me. There was no space for air. “I think about it every time someone takes one of our ships or there are rumors of another siege. All I think about when I’m trying to sleep or eat or am doing anything is how I was the Maiden and found unworthy by the Primal of Death.”

“You’re not unworthy. You’re not a curse or anything like that. You carry the ember of life in you. You carry hope within you. You carry the possibility of a future,” he said. “You don’t know what the Primal of Death thinks.”

“How could he not think that?” I shot back.