“Of course you do.” He leans down and gently covers the tip of my nose with his mouth, so big that he nearly swallows the entire thing whole.
“What was that?” I ask, curious.
“A kiss.” His voice sounds gruff, as if he feels a bit foolish at having to explain himself. “I want to be a good husband to you, even if this is just convenience. Even if we annul things after the Conquest Moon sails through. Until then, I want to be good to you.”
I should leave it at that. I should acknowledge that it’s sweet of him to say that…but…“Because now you know I’m a holder’s daughter?”
Hawk goes still.
Immediately, I feel like an arse. Like I pushed too far.
“I suppose I deserved that,” Hawk says, moving to get off me.
I reach up and caress his cheek—or at least what I think is his cheek—before he does. “Neither of us deserves any of this.”
It’s as close to an apology as I’ll get. I’m still hurt from the spy comment.
He gazes down at me, and nips at my fingertips when I move them nearer to his mouth. “Is the trust between us gone, Aspeth?”
“Do we need to trust each other for the Conquest Moon?” I ask, keeping my voice light. It seems a safer thing to ask than Did you ever truly trust me?
“I suppose not.”
But the moment is still ruined. And when he nuzzles my forehead and climbs off the bed, I let him go. He moves across the room and pours some water from a pitcher into a basin, washing up. I watch him, fixing my own clothing and torn between offering to touch him and wanting to check on Lark and the others. I’m aware he didn’t come. Very aware. My body is throbbing and I can see the outline of his cock pressing against his pants, and part of me wants to sink to my knees in front of him and touch him again, because I enjoyed it. I loved touching him, loved the power it gave me over him. Loved watching him fall apart at my inexperienced caresses. It made me feel connected to him, and I want that again.
But we’re too busy lashing out at each other, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
Still, I can’t stop myself as I move to his side. I slip my arms around his waist and press my cheek to his broad back, ignoring that I’m probably going to have to clean my spectacles again after all this face rubbing. “We’ll get this figured out, you and I. I promise.”
Hawk covers one of my hands with his bigger one. “I do want this to work between us, you know. Not just because of the Conquest Moon. I like you, Aspeth. I think you’re smart and clever and driven. I’ve never met anyone like you. And I do want to try to make this work between us…however long we have together.” He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. “I’ll stay close to the nest until the Moon’s hand stops pressing on me. Stay close to you. We can spend more time together.”
Oh no. This might be the absolutely wrong thing for our plans. “But the guild…you’re one of the only Taurians left in the city…what if they need you?”
“Then they’ll have to hire someone else.” He half turns, pulling my hand to his mouth and kissing my knuckles. “I have a wife I have to prepare to take my knot.”
I blush. Hearing that shouldn’t be as thrilling as it is.
“And I should wash up,” he says, and I could swear that red gleam is in his eyes again. “And then I’m happy to wash you, too.”
“We need more water,” I say brightly, detangling myself from his grasp and grabbing the pitcher. “I’ll get it and return. Be right back!”
He reaches for me but I slink away before he can pull me into his arms again. I flash him a quick smile and hug the pitcher, practically running for the door. Squeaker follows behind me, no doubt traumatized after watching me get viciously (and delightfully) fingered on the bed.
I pump fresh water in the kitchen and look around for the others. I can’t stay out for long or Hawk will come looking for me.
“Gwenna?” I whisper, pouring the water out of the pitcher and filling it slowly again just to waste time. “Lark? Mereden? Kipp? Someone?”
There’s a scrambling sound and then Lark bursts into the kitchen. “Spoke with my aunt,” she pants. “She’s in. You keeping Hawk distracted?”
“Mostly?” I eye the pitcher, now full. “I’m about to head back in. We need to talk about plans because he’s going to stay close for the next few days, until the Conquest Moon is over.”
She groans. “That’s a nightmare. Okay, I’ll talk to my aunt again, figure something out. Did you hide the artifact?”
Shit. It’s still on a ribbon around my neck. Hawk didn’t notice it because he only shoved a hand in my pants, but if he wants to bathe after this, he’s for sure going to see it and ask questions. I hastily slip it off and hand it to Lark. “Give it to Gwenna.”
Lark races away again. “Talk more in the morning!”
If I don’t collapse from stress first, sure.
THIRTY-THREE ASPETH
1 Day Before the Conquest Moon
“All the requests were denied,” Gwenna whispers to me over breakfast the next day.
Immediately my appetite curdles. “Already? But that’s so fast!”
“Magpie has a bit of a reputation around town.” She shrugs. “It was a long shot anyhow. I talked to Lark and she said that her aunt has connections. She knows someone who can make her a false pass and someone who can take us down the drop for the right price.”
I stir my porridge, eyeing my husband from afar. He sits at the far end of the table from me, talking to the nestmaid, who’s taking notes for food supplies for the week. We’re on the cusp of the Conquest Moon and apparently it affects Taurians in all ways, including hunger. He needs additional foodstuffs, some of which will be prepared in advance and deposited into our room so we don’t have to leave the bed during the moon time, a fact that makes me blush so hard my face feels scalding. Everyone is going to be extremely aware of what we’ll be doing in that time frame.
It’s no different from an arranged marriage, I remind myself, in which your husband would be keeping you in bed trying to get you with an heir as quickly as possible. Everyone knows you’re having sex then, too.
“We’re getting the counterfeit pass tonight,” Gwenna murmurs, holding a mug of tea up near her mouth and cupping her hands around it to hide her face. “You’re going to have to keep Hawk busy after dinner so he doesn’t ask questions.”
Oh. I nod, mind racing, as I try to figure out how one distracts a surly Taurian who’s already distracted by sex. The obvious answer is right there, but I also don’t want to rouse his suspicions. The last time I reached out to touch Hawk on my own, he called me a spy. I need him to instigate things. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I ponder this all day as we go through weapons drills, and we switch up our positions. Lark takes over shield-bashing everything, and truly, she’s far more enthusiastic about it than I ever was. Gwenna takes over navigation, and that leaves me with either being the healer or the gearmaster.
“I kind of like being the healer,” Mereden tells me shyly. “And I know a lot about tending to wounds thanks to my time at the convent.”
“Then you should stay the healer,” I agree, because I don’t know anything about wounds. Gearmaster is a fairly simple position—I manage the supplies and ensure we don’t run out…which isn’t something you can practice at the dorm. I work with a shortened quarterstaff instead and try not to think about all the other things we could be doing. We’re supposed to be learning more about artifacts and Old Prell itself. Magpie suggested we head to the guild’s library earlier today, since it should be deserted (as everyone in training is currently in the tunnels except us).
