How can world be blue,
How can days be that too?
How can it be me?
How can, how can, how can it be?
April 19th, 2024
I wish I
poem
I wish I could be able to go back in time.
I wish I could only do things right.
Anyway, everything seems to be fine.
Don't worry, I will be just alright.
I failed everything, and that's true.
I was telling myself “I hate you”.
Maybe that's the reason of my loss.
Self-hypnosis is the most horrific force.
My mind is my weapon, so I fight.
My heart is the target, so I die.
When your tears fly like arrows, hitting you,
You give up, there's nothing left to do.
And I'm going to fall from the height
I have ever ever barely gained.
I'm afraid to come face to face
With rocks, cold water and huge waves.
If only I could do things right.
If only I knew how to fight.
Their voices wouldn't have been heard
If only I had reached that top.
April of 2024
***
poem
I keep trying to sort out my own thoughts,
Keep forgetting those forget-me-nots.
The weather is sunny outside,
But it's raining in my anxious mind.
Yes, I've died a thousand times,
I was lying with mysterious lies.
Ask me what I want and you won't
Get an answer, 'cause I finally lost my hope.
You're going to ask me again if I agree.
I'm not worthy of you, don't you see?
And we will be both sorrowful and confused.
So, the best choice for us is to refuse.
2023
Boston Strangler
song
[Verse 1]
Was it love that I saw
Or the challenge from Saw?
We loved watching horror films.
Now we're their heroes, it seems.
I listen to thunder like music.
'Cause I find this shit amusing.
After my meeting with you,
I don't know what to do.
[Chorus]
I find it funny to look
At the crooked
Graphics of the monsters.
You needed proofs
You've become too
Much like the Strangler of Boston.
I find it funny to look
At the crooked
Graphics of the monsters.
You needed proofs
You've become too
Much like the Strangler of Boston.
But do really think I'm cursed?
Ooh.
But I don't scare and don't slam doors.
Ooh.
You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.
Ooh.
You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.
I find it funny to look…
[Verse 2]
You said that kindness won't buy
The world, but I asked you why.
You said my book was too kind.
I won't make any money now.
(I've made it free, bye-bye)
You like horror films, don't you?
I also find this nonsense cool.
But if I had a choice between you
And the monster, guess who I'd choose.
[Chorus]
I find it funny to look
At the crooked
Graphics of the monsters.
You needed proofs
You've become too
Much like the Strangler of Boston.
I find it funny to look
At the crooked
Graphics of the monsters.
You needed proofs
You've become too
Much like the Strangler of Boston.
But do really think I'm cursed?
Ooh.
But I don't scare and don't slam doors.
Ooh.
You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.
Ooh.
You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.
I find it funny to look…
Spring of 2024
Dead End
song
[Verse 1]
Now I'm dead
Now I'm fine
I will never ever cry
And I walk through walls
Thanks to God
Thanks to Death
I will never feel my breath
The crunch of bones
And my heartbeat songs
[Chorus]
Probably everyone would consider it a curse
But this is just my choice
That's neither true nor false
People think I'm sick, I'm just a freak
But I think it's a dream
I'm no more human being
[Verse 2]
Now I'm free
Now I see
How desirable death can be
And life is simply terrible
My rotting body
Scares everybody
It's so vicious and so muddy
Life wasn’t an idyll
My death is revival
[Chorus]
Probably everyone will forget me in two days
I don't see sunny rays
I found another place
People think I'm geek, but I've become free
Death is no longer bad
When I hit a dead end
[Verse 3]
Thanks to Death
Thanks to prayer
I will see this magic heaven
The Other World
And hear angel's song…
September of 2023
A Ferocious Beast
song
[Verse 1]
The quick response to the long list of accusations
Is just a smirk that I used to demonstrate.
I wonder what is the point of my participation
If they will just throw stones at my gates?
[Pre-chorus]
And it was obvious
That I was fearless,
That I was serious
When I said I was not.
[Chorus]
And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.
But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.
Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,
But now they have my teeth and my rage in their throat.
A ferocious beast lives in the forest.
Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance.
A ferocious beast lives in the forest.
Don't go there, kids, please, don't go furthest.
[Verse 2]
I'm calm about all this fucking guile,
That's why I'm not trying to fight with you.
But you're so loud with saying that I'm vile.
I'm going to have to kill your point of view.
[Pre-chorus]
And it was obvious
That I was angry,
That I wasn't happy
When you said that I was.
[Chorus]
And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.
But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.
Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,
But now they have my teeth and my rage in their throat.
A ferocious beast lives in the forest.
Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance.
A ferocious beast lives in the forest.
Don't go there, kids, please, don't go furthest.
[Bridge]
And it was obvious
That I was humiliated
That I was stranded
When they said I was not.
And it was obvious
That I'll be offended
That I'll be mad at
Them and their control.
But they didn't recall
That I was left alone.
[Chorus]
And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.
But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.
Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,
