“Humans are not so black and white,” I reply with a pat on her knee. “We don’t automatically think that just because the cootie decides you should mate with someone that you should be thrilled about it.”

Her quick smile tells me I’m on the right track. She’s anxious about things with Hemalo.

“You hate him?” I guess aloud. “And you don’t want to be pulled back into a mating with him?”

“I do not hate him,” Asha says softly. “I am sad he has abandoned me. I am sad he no longer wants to be mated to me. I know I was not a good mate to him. I pushed him away when he tried to be kind, and eventually he decided to stop trying.”

“But now you have resonated again.”

Her lip trembles. “And I worry it will all go wrong again. That my body will not be able to carry my kit, and we will hate each other once more.” Her hand covers mine and clenches it tightly. “I do not think I can bear to go through that again.”

My poor friend. I put my arms around her and hug her. She is stiff in my grasp, but then relaxes and puts her head on my shoulder. “It’s all right to worry about this sort of thing, you know. It happened, and it was terrible.” I rub her back. “It’s something no one should have to go through.”

“My world ended when Hashala died.” Asha’s voice is stark with grief. “She died, and when Hemalo tried to comfort me, I pushed him away. I did not know how to handle it. I still do not. At first I tried to ignore it. If I did not think about it, maybe it would not hurt.” Her throat works as if she is trying to swallow a knot. “Hemalo did not understand why I was not grieving like him. So I was cold to him. I said ugly things.” She sighs heavily. “And I tried to mate other males. I thought maybe I should hurt him like I was hurting.”

Eek. Things just got awkward. I suspected as much given Kira’s coolness to Asha, but hearing it said aloud is tricky. I pat her back. “You were trying to find a way to make it hurt less. I understand.”

“No one took me up on my offer. I was still mated, of course. If I was not mated, I could have a dozen males in as many nights. But you never touch the mate of another.” She snorts. “Not that my mate wanted me at that point. He has not touched me since Hashala was born, and that was many seasons ago.”

“You said yourself you were cruel to him. I imagine he was hurt, too.” I keep my tone as non-judgmental as possible. I doubt Asha’s ever confessed all this hurt and pain to anyone, and I don’t want her to think she can’t talk to me. I’m aching for her, because I know what it’s like to feel alone and friendless and terrified, and to hurt. To have everything you love pulled away from you in an instant. We humans have settled in well enough, but I still grieve Earth and its beaches, a warm day of scorching hot sunshine. A pizza fresh from the oven. Chocolate. A movie or a day at the mall. My parents and my dog, even though they were dead by the time I got snatched by aliens. I still miss them. I still miss all of it.

“I still hurt. Every day, I hurt for her.” She reaches into the furs and pulls out a tunic for a baby. It’s so tiny. She pulls it to her face and presses it to her mouth, then inhales deeply. “It no longer smells like her. I wish it did. She was so…” Her voice catches. “Perfect.”

My eyes sting with tears. She’s carrying around so much grief. “I know.”

“I should have carried her for another season,” Asha whispers. “But she came anyhow, and she was so small. So very small. Even this fit her like a blanket.” She strokes the tiny tunic. “She was too fragile to accept a khui. You have to be healthy and strong, otherwise it takes too much and…” She chokes on the words. “Hashala…she…she couldn’t.”

“It’s okay,” I tell her softly. “I know how much she meant to you. Losing her doesn’t mean that you’re wrong for grieving her. You’re going to miss her every single day, and that’s all right. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She sits up. “I am scared, Claire. What if my body will not hold another kit? What if I fulfill resonance with Hemalo and my kit comes early again? What if I ruin another life?” Her hands go to her stomach. “What if my khui does not realize that I cannot have a kit and just keeps making me resonate over and over again and—”

“Stop it,” I tell her gently. “You’re panicking. You are strong. You’re healthy, and so is Hemalo.”

“But I was healthy last time.”

“And something happened. I can’t change that.” I take her hand and give it a sympathetic squeeze. “But it doesn’t mean it will happen this time. And it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. If there was, don’t you think Maylak would have seen it and fixed it?”

“I want to believe you. I do. But I am frightened.”

“Of course you’re frightened. That’s normal. Anyone would be, in your place. But look at how many kits have been born—”

“Human kits,” she interjects.

“And Maylak has two healthy children,” I reply. “They are fully sa-khui and fine. And there are kits born every day on this planet. Look at how many metlaks there are out there.”

She snorts. “Those are animals. Beasts.”

“I don’t know about the metlak,” I say thoughtfully. “They might just be furry people. Furry, very smelly people.”

“Beasts,” she says imperiously.

I shrug. “So what if they are? They are born healthy. Birth is a natural thing, my friend. Your kit will be fine.”

“But what if mine is not fine?” Her face is full of fear.

“But what if it is?” I counter. “You will never know unless you try.”

“Oh, I must try.” Asha rolls her eyes in a very human expression. “Resonance will not allow me to say no.”

“Do you want to say no?” I ask. Even on this primitive planet, with a healer, if she doesn’t want her baby, maybe there’s a way to fix that for her, even though my heart hurts at the thought.

She is silent for a very long time, her gaze focused on the hole in the ceiling as if it will provide her with answers. Then she looks over at me. “I want a kit more than anything else in the world. I am so tired of my arms being empty.”

“Then you have to take a chance,” I encourage her. “Talk to Hemalo. I’m sure he’s scared, too, because I’m betting that he’s worried about the same things you are. But you guys can lean on each other instead of drifting apart. This is a sign that you’re meant to have a family, Asha. You can’t let Hashala’s death destroy you and any happiness you might ever have. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a kit and a mate. You deserve all these things. But going after what you want will mean taking a chance.”

Asha nods slowly. “I am scared.”

“Girl, if you weren’t scared, you wouldn’t be human.” I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her in for another hug, ignoring the fact that the bony plates on her arms scratch at my skin.

A laugh bubbles up from her throat. “I am not human. Not in the slightest.”

“All right,” I amend with a grin. “You would not be sa-khui.”

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9

ASHA

Claire is wise. I think about her words as she feeds fuel to the fire and makes me tea. She should be out spending the day singing songs and enjoying the haw-lee-day with the tribe, but she is here with me in my hut. She is a good friend, and I am so grateful for her presence that I nearly start to weep again. I am a mess of emotions this day, it seems.

The resonance thrums in my breast, reminding me that it has not been fulfilled. Last time I resonated, I took Hemalo to my furs immediately. It feels strange to delay things, like I am not doing this right. Is my kit even now inside me, waiting for us to mate so it can begin to grow? It is a strange thought, and I touch my stomach. Hemalo has not come by, and I wonder if he is agonizing like I am. Probably. He is a thinker, Hemalo. He will not say much, but I know his mind is always working, going over everything. He will be thinking about Hashala, and the new kit.