It’s so nice to be away from the camp, too. Everyone has been lovely and so helpful, and I’m glad we’re at the village instead of living alone in the mountains. I’m not ungrateful, but the introvert in me loves the peace and quiet of this particular day.
Going out with Nadine also shows me that a competent woman is trusted out on her own. I wasn’t sure, because some of the men have been extremely protective of their wives, but this morning, Nadine twisted her thick hair into a knot at her nape, handed her baby to her mate, gave them both a kiss, and then headed off with me, no questions asked. It’s clear she knows her way around the mountain trails, too. She uses the end of her spear like a walking stick and pokes at drifts before she steps forward, and her pack is full of supplies in case we get into trouble—rope, extra knives, fire-starters, and food. She also knows the locations of things called “hunter caves.” From the sound of it, they’re safe “pit stops” where extra food and weapons are kept in case someone’s stranded in bad weather.
It’s all practical and smart and feels vaguely familiar, and I wonder if I grew up with someone that practiced this sort of thing. A survivalist. An image of my father flashes through my mind again—sandy hair and dark eyes, pointing out tracks in the mud and joking about the number of flies caught on the fly paper in the cabin.
It fits. A survivalist. Today though, the strange bits of memory don’t make me sad. They feel comfortable, like a favorite shirt.
Nadine leads me along the paths through the cliffs, pointing out landmarks so I can tell where I’m going in the future. I have no doubt I’ll be doing this on my own soon enough. I can’t wait to go out and have a peaceful day alone in the snows, enjoying the beauty of nature before I have to return to the noisy hubbub of camp.
“We’re going to head to a spring first,” Nadine tells me as we hike along. “There’s these fish that have lightweight but really hard reeds on their heads. Devi says it’s some sort of cousin to keratin, like your fingernails or a horse’s hooves, and if those will work, it’ll be easy to get everyone outfitted in skis. I figure if nothing else, we can use them for ski poles. You’ll know we’re getting close to the spring when you smell it.”
“Smell it?” I ask, curious as I step into the tracked path she’s made for me.
“Oh yeah. This planet is full of volcanic activity—again, Devi’s theory—and there are a lot of hot springs.” She flutters a hand under her nose. “Smells like rotten eggs, but the water’s toasty warm and nice to bathe in.”
How fascinating. I’m intrigued at the prospect. “Are there a lot of earthquakes, then?”
“Not so much, though a volcano did blow not long after we first arrived. Flooded the beach for a few days and then rained ash on us for a month.” She gives me a wry look. “You’re going to find most of the explosions happen between people, though.”
“People?”
“Well, it’s a small beach and a lot of big personalities,” she says with a laugh, picking her way forward through a patch of deeper snow. “And then of course, there’s always resonance. Speaking of which…how’s it going for you, if you don’t mind me asking? You look like you’re not sleeping well.”
She says it with such a friendly, offhand tone that I don’t take offense. I knew it was bound to come up. How can it not? Like she said, it’s a small beach. Even if I’m quiet about the situation, I am guessing Skarr is very much not quiet. “I am not, no.”
“Resonance is hard,” she agrees, not looking back at me but studying the landscape instead. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s also delightful, and the babies are amazing, but it still fucks your shit up. Instead of a ‘me’ you become a ‘we’ overnight.”
I grimace at the thought. “I noticed. It doesn’t matter if we’re together or not, everyone pairs Skarr with me in their minds, as if it’s already decided.”
It’s come up in conversation a few times, and people have mentioned us like we’re a couple.
“Look at it from their perspective. In this generation, resonance does decide. Everyone pairs up happily. I’m told that it wasn’t like that in the past, and the stories of Rukh and Raahosh’s father and mother – and how much they hated each other – are legendary. But for the most part? In these people’s eyes, a resonated couple is a happy couple. But I wanted you to know that you’re not trapped.”
Strangely enough, her words choke me up, and a knot forms in my throat, hard to talk around. “I’m not?”
“You’re not,” she says firmly. “Resonance is a force of nature. I’m not telling you what to do, but if you hate Skarr and can’t stand the thought of being with him, you get a little drunk, you have a night of the worst sex ever, and then you go on with your life. We’ve all had a heinous one-night stand that we regretted in the past, but you don’t have to shack up with the guy. If you can’t get along, as long as you can co-parent, no one will blame you if you go your separate ways.”
I stare at her back. “You make it sound so easy.”
She laughs, stabbing at another drift of snow and then skirting around it, gesturing that I should do the same. “Oh, it’s not. It’s not easy at all. There’s a baby involved, and I know how overwhelming resonance can feel. It’s just that everyone’s painting you one specific picture, and I’m letting you know that you can make your own future. It can be what you need it to be, as long as you fulfill resonance.”
“Or get the healer to turn it off.”
That makes Nadine stop. She turns and gives me a long look. “I’m not pro-resonance or trying to talk you into anything, but I did see what happened to Mari when she had Veronica shut off her resonance. She was like a zombie. Well, not completely. Just totally out of it, like she was numb. No one should have to go through life like that. If you’re totally opposed to being a mom, there are other people here that would happily raise your kid, no questions asked. If you don’t want to stay with this tribe because Skarr is here, there’s another one farther inland. I’m not here to talk you into anything one way or another. You get to make your choices, okay? I’m just being a friend and letting you know that you don’t have to have the white picket fence like everyone thinks you do.”
I manage a wry smile. “A picket fence would look stupid on the beach.”
She snorts with amusement. “Yeah, it would. Come on, our stream isn’t too far ahead. We’ll start to smell it when we go around that ridge.”
Nodding, I follow after her when she starts again. “I appreciate the talk. It’s just a lot to think through. And…I know he can be difficult, but I don’t hate Skarr.”
“Girl, you don’t have to tell me about difficult, obnoxious men. Have you met Thrand?”
I pause. “I actually don’t think I have.”
“Well,” she drawls. “He is a piece of work. And I say that with love as his mate. Let me tell you about the time he—oh, tracks. Hang on.”
She crouches in the snow to examine a line of tracks nearby, and I do the same, wanting to learn. To my surprise, they’re the same tracks I saw from before—the drag on one side, and the big paws on the other.
The wounded snow-cat is here. It’s following us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
SKARR
I take a few steps back and admire my handiwork in the late afternoon sunlight. It is a good hut, I decide.
No, it is the best hut. Because Vivi deserves the best.
I have worked hard to make this the perfect home for her. I know she does not like to be in the thick of things, so I have made her hut at the far edges of the group, at the farthest end of the cliffs. The door is facing toward the cliff, as well, so anyone that comes in will have to circle the platform to approach. Ashtar thought this was odd, but I like it. It adds a level of privacy for my Vivi that I know she will appreciate. The roof is tall and well-angled so the smoke can escape out the hole at the top, and the floor is made with the smoothest rocks I could find, joined together with the mortar that Jason helped create out of sand, seashells, and clay. The interior has a large dip in the center for a firepit, lined with more rocks, and the walls are bricked together with more mortar and smaller rocks in a repeating pattern. I do not have furs or goods for Vivi to put inside yet, but Ashtar says the tribe has more than enough and she can pick out her own.
