“Gods,” I muttered. “Who would want that kind of choice?”

“Kolis,” he suggested. “And he only wanted it because he never had to make it.”

I nodded slowly. Kolis had left out that he wasn’t the only one who had to operate by those rules, but I wasn’t surprised to learn that. Kolis didn’t care about the other Primals. He only cared about what his brother could and couldn’t do.

Settling back against Ash’s chest, I returned to what had started this conversation. “Then who judged Lathan?”

“If the Pillars could not judge him, then the Arae would have.”

Which meant they would likely judge me because I doubted the Pillars would know what to do with me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing or if Holland would have any say in it.

“How does the water feel?”

“Amazing.” All the soreness had faded away. It had to be the heat of the water and maybe even a little of the magic of this hidden-away cavern.

Ash tucked the back of my head against his shoulder. “Better than your lake?”

“Yeah, it is.” I sighed, squeezing the arm that banded my waist. As I’d noticed before, his skin was even cool under the water, which probably stopped me from overheating. “But in a different way.”

His thumb moved along the flare of my hip under the water’s surface, sweeping back and forth. “How so?”

My gaze flickered over the softly churning hot springs. The fractured beams of sunlight glinted off the surface as wisps of steam rose, tangling with the hanging lilacs. “My lake is…it’s refreshing, but this is relaxing. Like I could fall asleep.”

“Yeah. I think I could do that myself.” There was a heaviness to his voice as he dipped, kissing my temple. “I wish we could.”

I wished for so many things.

A knot threatened to lodge itself in my throat. I drew in a deep breath, hoping to alleviate it.

“We will come back here.” Ash’s lips brushed the curve of my cheek. “I promise.”

My eyes shut as that damn knot expanded. It was sweet of him to promise, but we would never come back here. I hoped he did, though, as I opened my eyes. I looked over the glistening outcropping of rocks and the lilac-covered walls as I thought about what I wanted for him when this was all over. A life. A future. Love. I hoped he made more good memories here.

Ash’s thumb stilled against my hip. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” That wasn’t necessarily a lie. My stomach remained settled, and I didn’t feel like I would fall over, but I was tired. Though I didn’t think the warm water had much to do with that.

Ash was quiet for a moment. “Did I ever tell you what anguish tastes like?”

My eyes narrowed.

“It’s tangy, almost bitter,” he continued, straightening a delicate link on Aios’s necklace.

“Stop reading my emotions.”

“It’s one of the hardest emotions to block out. Sometimes, it’s even louder than joy, but it’s almost impossible to shield from yours.”

My nose scrunched. “Almost impossible?”

His chuckle rumbled against my back. “Almost,” he repeated. “I’m simply more…in tune with you than anyone else.”

I thought about that. Just a drop of my blood had allowed him to sense if I was in danger, even if he was in Iliseeum and I was in the mortal realm. He’d taken far more than a drop since then, so it made sense that his ability to read emotions, something he’d gotten from his mother, would also be enhanced when it came to me.

But did that mean he would feel what I felt when I…when I died?

My chest clenched. Gods, I hoped not.

I couldn’t think about that, though. Only the gods knew what emotion he picked up when I did.

“I’m not sad,” I told him.

“Sera,” he sighed.

“It’s not what you think. It’s just that I wish…I wish we had more time.”

“We will.”

I pressed my lips together as I nodded.

His chin grazed the side of my face. “You’re so brave. So godsdamn brave and strong,” he whispered. “There is no one like you, Sera.”

“Stop being…” I trailed off, my brows knitting.

“Stop being sweet?” Ash said. “As I said before—”

“You’re only telling the truth.” The skin of my shoulders pimpled. My dream came back to me in a rush. “I dreamt of you saying that.”

“I know.”

I stiffened, then jerked upright before twisting in his lap to face him. “The dreams—”

“They weren’t normal dreams.” Tendrils of eather brightened his eyes.

My mouth fell open.

“I should’ve picked up on it the first time,” he said. “Especially when you kept arguing that it was your dream.”

“I wasn’t arguing.”

That warm, soft grin returned. “You have such a strange understanding of the word arguing.”

“Maybe it is you who does?”

His lips curved up farther. “Either way, everything was too damn real. The feel of the grass beneath me. The feel of you.” The hand at my hip swept up my waist as his gaze dropped to where the fizzing water teased the tips of my breasts. His voice thickened. “The feel of being inside you. No dreams could replicate the beauty of that.”

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at him. “Everything did feel real. Both times—” The skipping motion moved to my stomach. “You told me to tell Kolis that I needed you to Ascend, and to summon the Arae.”

“I did. It was the best plan I could come up with,” he confirmed. “I knew he would never let me leave with you, but it would’ve given us a chance to escape.”

Ash was right. Kolis never would’ve allowed him to leave with me. If it had come down to it, he would’ve just kept Ash there until my Ascension happened.

“In the end, you didn’t need me to get free,” he said, pride filling his voice. My cheeks warmed in response. “You had it handled.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said. “I never would’ve gotten out of Dalos without you.”

“I disagree. You would’ve found a way.” Ash leaned in, kissing me softly. “And I’m confident enough in my strength to admit that.”

Liking—no, loving—that he didn’t feel less capable due to my capability, I smiled against his mouth. “It was a good plan. It could’ve worked.”

Ash kissed me again, this time longer. When our lips parted, my pulse pounded pleasantly.

“You know,” I said after a moment, “I dreamt of swimming in my lake with a wolf watching over me. I dreamt that many times.”

“I think that was when I was in stasis.” His brows knitted. “I’m not exactly sure how, but all I can come up with is that part of me—”

“Your nota?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Attes told me about it one of the times he was able to get to me.”

His head tilted. “Exactly how many times did he visit you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Like twice.”

“And he couldn’t free you?”

“You know he couldn’t,” I reminded him, but Ash appeared as if he were choosing not to remember that. Time to change the subject. “So, when I saw you in your wolf form, it was because…?”

“I think part of my consciousness—a part of my being—was still alert enough to find you.”

My mind raced, figuring out the timing. When I dreamt of the wolf and him, it had lined up with when he was in and out of stasis, but… “That wasn’t the first time I’ve dreamt of your wolf.”

A slight frown appeared, and then his expression smoothed out. “When you almost went into stasis while in the Shadowlands.” He gave me a small shake of his head when I nodded. “Damn. I thought that was a dream then, but it wasn’t even the first time…”

Wait. The first time.

“The first dream when you weren’t in your wolf form. When we had sex.” I gasped. “We actually had dream sex?” My eyes widened. “Well, that explains a lot.”

“Explains what, liessa?”

“Why I could, you know, still feel you when I woke up.”

The tips of his fangs became visible as his smile turned almost smug. “Exactly how did you still feel me, liessa?”