Chapter Three

Tanner threw a bale of hay down the chute and followed it with two more. The physical exertion today was his form of therapy. If he had to hear one more time about how much his parents loved Maddy and how happy they were that Cole was dating her and how adorable her twin boys were, he was going to lose it.

He got that the whole family was happy that Cole had fallen in love. Hell, he expected there’d be an engagement announcement any day now, and he was truly happy for his brother.

But this whole love-fest thing just made Tanner feel more like a loser every day. The last thing his ex Brittany had said to him was that he’d be a joke for a husband. And seeing Cole and Maddy and his mom and dad so thrilled only seemed to highlight the fact all the more.

Tanner was good for a good time. Girls loved him for that. And that was it. The problem was, it wasn’t enough for him. Not anymore.

His bad mood persisted through the chores, over breakfast, and late into the morning. He decided to saddle up Bingo and go for a ride, using the excuse of checking on the calves in the east pasture. Maybe the fresh air and open space would help put him in a better frame of mind.

He loved the scent of the young grass, the spears yellow-y green in their newness and the buds that were getting plump on the trees, nearly ready to leaf. Spring was a relief after a particularly harsh winter, and since that last snowfall earlier in the month, the weather had turned mild. Even if they did get a late season storm, there was a sense that the weather had truly turned a corner and there were warmer, greener days ahead. Spring was a time of year Tanner usually loved.

But this year he was filled with a nagging dissatisfaction. As he walked Bingo along the fence line, he sighed. It was only partly to do with Cole. He found himself thinking about Laura quite often, too.

Maddy had seemed to mellow out where Laura was concerned. Maybe that was because she was happy with Cole. But Tanner had noticed the sideways looks aimed in Laura’s direction the other day at the diner. If he noticed, he was certain she did, too. People looked at her and saw a woman who’d had an affair with a married man. But where was the blame on Gavin? Just because he was dead, it was as if he was blameless.

Sometimes people put their faith and emotions in the wrong people. He knew that as well as anyone. They shouldn’t have to pay for it their entire lives.

Dinner at Laura’s house a few weeks ago had made one thing clear to him. Laura Jessup was in sad need of a friend, and no one would go near her. It was as if they were afraid they’d catch something. He hadn’t seen such a lonely person in a very long time. Talking to her grandfather, Charlie, had enlightened him a fair bit. She never had friends over. Rarely went out anywhere other than errands. No wonder she’d clung to his hand the day Rowan was born. How afraid she must have been, facing that alone. When he’d given her that cheap T-shirt at the diner, she looked so surprised, so touched, that he wondered how long it had been since anyone had done anything remotely thoughtful for her. Her grandfather had also been concerned, but reserved. It wasn’t hard to see he disapproved of the situation, even though he loved her.

Tanner turned Bingo around and returned to the ranch a little less on edge, but still unsettled about the whole situation. It wasn’t just Laura. His life seemed stuck in place. What was he going to do, live with his parents forever? Satisfy himself with short-term hookups now and again? That whole scene was getting old. Maybe having a place of his own would be a start.

When Tanner returned to the house, he found Maddy there, helping his mom paint the back deck while the boys napped. Cole and Dad had driven down to Butte to look at some stock. Tanner was at loose ends, so once he grabbed a sandwich for lunch, he hopped in his truck and drove into town. And through town, and west. There was no sense kidding himself. He was going to see Laura. Just to see how she was making out. If there was anything she needed.

He pulled into the driveway and noticed things he’d missed the last time he was here. Like how the paint was peeling on the railing of the front step. A piece of soffit was missing from the roof overhang, and one corner of her eaves trough needed to be repaired, too. Nothing major, but little things that needed fixing that she probably couldn’t do herself. Or could, but because of her situation, didn’t have the time or money.

She came outside the moment he got out of the truck. He lifted a hand. “Hi,” he greeted, and a lot of the restlessness he’d felt all day dissipated at the sight of her. She wore a pair of faded jeans and a cute white top, and Rowan was on her hip, dressed in a pink flowery outfit. They made a sweet picture.

“Hi, yourself. This is a surprise.”

“Yeah. I’m not here at a bad time, am I?”

She shook her head. “Come on in. Rowan’s up as you can see, so I’m spending some time with her and I’ll go back to work when she’s napping again.”

“Work? What are you doing?”

He climbed the steps and she opened the door, leading the way in. “I’m working on a web design for a new client. I only had a six-month contract at the last place, and with Ro being so little, day care’s not an option. This gives me some freedom and some income.”

“That’s smart.” He followed her inside. Just like the other night, the place was spotless. His respect for her grew. She might not have much, but she took pride in what she did have. “What about Charlie?”

She laughed. “Oh, he’s been back home for about a week. And thrilled about it. Gram’s still taking things slowly, but at least he’s eating better. Do you want some coffee or tea? I have both.”

“Naw, I’m good.”

“Then what are you doing here, Tanner?”

He floundered for a moment, and then decided he might as well tell her the truth. “I guess I found myself thinking about you a lot, and wondering how you are. Wondered if you, uh, needed anything.”

Her gaze turned sharp. “You feel sorry for me, is that it?”

“No!”

She sat at the kitchen table, so it only made sense for him to do the same. “Not sorry, per se,” he continued. “Well, crap. I have no idea how to say this in a tactful way. I’m a guy. And this is kind of like navigating a minefield.”

She put Rowan on her lap and handed her a plastic ring with big, colorful keys on it. The baby shook the keys and a little giggle bubbled out of her mouth. Tanner couldn’t help the smile that tugged on his lips. The kid was so darn cute. A few short months ago she’d been tiny, all arms and legs and thin cries. He couldn’t help feeling a strange sort of attachment, knowing he’d helped bring her into the world.

“You want to ask me about Gavin.”

He met her gaze. She was looking at him evenly, but as though she was bracing for whatever he was going to say or ask. “Not exactly. I just noticed the other day that...” He hesitated.

“Just say it, Tanner. I’ve heard it all.”

He sighed. “That’s what I mean. I noticed you’re kind of, I don’t know, set apart. People treat you differently. Not mean, just...”

“Polite. And look at me sideways like they’re trying to figure something out.”

“Yeah. And I wanted to say I’m sorry about that. And if you need anything, you can give me a shout. I don’t judge. If Rowan is Gavin’s...well, it took two of you, and until someone walks in your shoes, they really don’t know about a situation.”

She smiled softly. “That sounds very insightful. Is this about you or me?”

“Maybe a little of both,” he admitted. “You didn’t know me when we were all kids. I’m a few years younger than Cole, and you were gone when I ran off to Vegas with Brittany. I screwed up, but people have long memories around here. It’s like they’ve never made a mistake in their lives.”