A deep, breathy moan left him as he slid a finger inside me. My head fell back as he curled it perfectly, as he took it out and back in. He pressed a second finger inside me and said, “Throw it in the fire.”
My head flew up off the pillow. “What?” I was gasping.
He looked up at me, flushed and bewildered, fingers still making my stomach coil with pleasure. “What?”
“Wait a minute. Stop.” He did and I was struck with a pang of regret. “Why on earth would I throw it in the fire?”
He looked at me like I’d spoken a different language. “Because we’re not unbinding.”
“Why not?”
“Because if we do, you can’t keep yourself safe. Finding Eusia and unbinding yourself from her is too dangerous without our combined power.”
I fought to catch my breath and stared at him agape. “What happened to you? You would never have said that a few days ago. You would never have even thought it. You’re getting married in less than two weeks. Our bond makes us sick. How will I go searching for Eusia if we can’t be more than ten paces apart?”
His face bent with confusion. “Did you think I’d make you go alone?”
I sat all the way up, hiking the sheet over my naked body. Rohana’s words suddenly rang loud in my head once more. He would give up his throne for you. “I don’t need to explain your duty to you, do I?” I snapped. “What about the empress? Your fiancée?”
Muscles flexed as he pushed himself onto his knees. He rolled his jaw. “Seeing that my people are safe is honoring my duty. And I’ve signed none of the empress’s contracts.”
“But you’ve given your word. What damage will it cause if you go against it?” I pressed my hands against my eyes. “I can’t believe I’m trying to convince you to marry her.”
He looked overcome. “I’ll figure it out.”
“Your head is muddled from the Mage Seer’s smoke, and we’ve been too close.” Our cheeks and bodies were aflame, our hair tousled, the bedding all twisted and half on the floor. “I’m just an itch you need to scratch.”
His swollen lips twitched. “An itch.” Sarcasm coated his words. “It was you who said that I needed a Godsdamned fuck, wasn’t it? Maybe after, I’ll be able to think clearly again.”
“Theodore, that’s not what I—”
His chest flexed, and he winced as he moved to the opposite side of the bed. “None of this is ideal. None of this is how I planned it to be.” He lay down, giving me his back. “Don’t let your stubbornness kill you, Imogen.”
“My stubbornness? That’s not fair—”
Three quick knocks came at the door. I jerked the sheets all the way up to my chin and sank back into the pillows. “I have stew,” Antonia called from the other side of the door, “and broth.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as my stomach hollowed. Both of us sounded equally disgruntled when we called back in unison, “Come in.”
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By late evening, Theodore felt well enough to sit before the fire in the main room. His eyes were still shadowed underneath, his skin was still wan, but he reclined with his feet up. His head leaned against the chairback, a cup of cooling tea in his hand.
We hadn’t spoken save for a few terse words since the moment we’d had in bed.
I sat on the floor before the hearth, staring into the flames, remembering. Theodore’s touch lingered over my body, inside it. As if his kisses, his hands, were but an extension of his power, taking root despite our tumult. I adjusted my skirt and wished that I could go back, wished that I could have kept my mouth shut and let him take me with him into the oblivion we’d both wanted. The unfinished memory wouldn’t be enough to suffocate the horror of the tasks ahead.
Find and kill Eusia. Sever our bond. And find some way to make Nemea pay for every lie and cruelty. I let my gaze slide toward Theodore. He watched me with heavy lidded eyes, chest rising and falling just quickly enough to make me think he was remembering too.
Hector pushed through the front door with a large bundle of firewood in his arms. “Ahh, you’re both up!” He set the wood next to the hearth, then took in Theodore’s reclined form as he clapped the dirt from his hands. “You’ve looked better.”
“I’ve looked worse.” Theodore chuckled weakly.
Hector laughed alongside him, the sound ringing and bright. He gave me a broad smile that I couldn’t help but return. “And you—you’re looking far better than you did all soaked from the rain.” He pointed to the dress I wore. I’d pulled on a simple linen gown of Antonia’s from the wardrobe. It was studded with the smallest embroidered flowers in shades of lavender and periwinkle. “I recognize that gown. Looking as lovely as Antonia used to in it.” His gaze moved toward where she stood in the kitchen, preparing a platter of fruit, bread, and boiled eggs.
He shuffled toward her and kissed her on the cheek before pouring himself a cup of tea. “Did you hear, Theo? About the attack on Ammos?”
Theodore tensed. “What?”
“I was talking to the baker’s son traveling the road there.” Hector looked to me. “Ammos is just an hour up the coast by foot, if you don’t know. Three ships sacked it. Lit it aflame. Two were unmarked. Mercenary ships, he said, but one was Serafi.”
I gasped around the fear that lodged in my throat. Theodore sat up, spilling his tepid tea onto the ottoman.
“When?” He stood so quickly, he swayed. I jumped up to steady him.
“Two nights past,” Hector said, jade eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I thought maybe that was why you went to the Mage. Getting guidance.”
He shook his head. “No. I had no idea.” Theodore looked utterly adrift, his attention darting around the room helplessly. Finally, he strode toward the front door, closed it, and barred it with the wooden beam.
“What are you doing?” Antonia asked, a nervous hand at her chest.
“It’s not safe.” He moved to the window and began securing the shutters. “They’re looking for her.”
Hector and Antonia stared at me with twin looks of astonishment. “Who is?” asked Hector. “What do they want with the queen of Varya?”
I shook my head, my stomach all the way at my feet. “I’m not the queen of Varya.” I swiped at my brow at their growing confusion. “I mean, I am, but not by choice. His choice. He didn’t choose me to be queen, per se. I just—I don’t know what I am.”
Antonia crossed her arms and glared at me. “Are you married?”
“Yes,” Theodore and I answered at the same time.
He secured the next window. “She’s a Siren. We bound ourselves when I helped her escape from King Nemea’s fort where he’d been abusing her. I’ve been skirting a war with him for years. Taking her set it into motion.”
“Oh, Theo.” Hector shook his head. “Why’d you do it? Why not plan for something like this?”
Theodore stopped, shoulders perking in offense. “I did try to plan.” I felt a punch of shame for my lack of patience, for not accepting how he’d told me to wait when we’d been on Nemea’s mountain. He looked to me then, but I saw no prickling of conscience in his gaze, no regret in it. Only a tormented certainty. “But I couldn’t leave her—” He cleared his throat, suddenly self-conscious. “She’s the daughter of the Great Goddess Ligea and King Nemea. She can kill the monster that hunts the Sirens.” He looked to Hector and Antonia and said quietly, “In truth, it did not matter who she was… I couldn’t bring myself to leave her behind.”
Warmth rose to my chest, my cheeks. He would give up his throne for you. Rohana had been right. He’d already done it.
Hector and Antonia gawked at me. She bobbed into a quick curtsy, to which I only opened my mouth like a stranded fish.
Renewed determination filled Theodore. He piled a plate with fruit and bread and eggs. He gave Hector and Antonia each a kiss on the cheek. “It’s likely those ships left and took all their men with them, but sleep with your sword at the ready regardless. With your door and windows barred. We’ll leave at first light.”