As I read Rudy Simone’s book, I found myself looking back at my own childhood and remembering a million little things, like how someone at school told me my facial expression was scary, and I spent hours and hours afterwards practicing in the mirror. Or how sometimes I got through the day by mimicking my favorite cousin’s mannerisms and speech patterns because she was popular and that had to be the right way to be, only it was so exhausting. Or how I used to tap my fingers one-three-five-two-four over and over in that pattern when I was nervous or bored, but I realized it annoyed people, so I started doing it on my teeth so no one could see or hear, and now I have early onset periodontal disease, but I can’t stop to save my life. Or the George Winston obsession that led me to teach myself to play the piano when I was a tiny thing and is still going strong decades later. Or, or, or . . .

What started as mere research for a book became a journey of self-realization. I learned that I am not alone. There are other people just like me and very possibly my daughter, too. As I pursued and eventually attained a diagnosis (at age thirty-four), Stella, my autistic heroine, was born on the page. It has never been so easy for me to write a character. I knew her intimately. She came from my heart. I didn’t have to filter my thoughts to make her socially acceptable, something I’d been unconsciously doing for ages. And this freedom allowed me to find my voice. Before this, I’d been using every other author’s writing style, trying to be someone else. When I wrote The Kiss Quotient, I became myself, and I’ve been unapologetically myself ever since. Sometimes instead of confining you, a label can set you free. At least, that was the case for me. I’ve started therapy to help with struggles I hadn’t known were common to people like me.

That said, I feel the need to point out that everyone on the spectrum has their own valid experiences, impairments, strengths, and points of view. My experience (and, therefore, Stella’s) is just one among many and cannot be taken as “standard.” There is no standard.

For interested parties, I found the following resources on autism spectrum disorder and Asperger’s to be informational but not boring:

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone (geared toward women)

Everyday Aspergers by Samantha Craft (geared toward women)

Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison

The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida

YouTube videos featuring clinical psychologist Tony Attwood

Autistic Women’s Association (facebook.com/autisticwomensassociation)

All the best,

Helen Hoang

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Prior to reading this book, how would you have imagined an autistic woman? How does Stella compare to this vision?

Stella was surprised when she heard her coworker Philip James had been asked out by their new intern. When it comes to heterosexual relationships, do you think men should be the initiators? What does it say about a woman if she asks out a man?

Does it surprise you to see an autistic person exploring a sexual relationship? If so, why?

With regards to autism, people are divided between using person-first language (i.e. “person with autism”) and identity-first language (i.e. “autistic person”). One of the main arguments for person-first language is that it separates a person from their mental disorders. Many autistic people, on the other hand, prefer identity-first language because they believe autism is an intrinsic part of who they are and have no wish for a “cure.” Which do you think is right? Do you think it can depend on each person’s individual circumstances and preferences? How did you feel when Stella tried to make herself fresh and fantastic? Why did you feel that way?

What do you think of a man with Michael’s Friday night profession? How does that compare to your impression of a woman with that profession? If gender makes a difference, why is that?

How does Michael’s daytime profession affect his attractiveness?

Throughout the book, Michael worries he’s inherited his father’s “badness,” that it was passed down in his blood. Do you think this is illogical? Are you able to empathize with him? If so, how?

Is love alone enough? Can people with different cultures, education levels, and wealth be together in the long run? How can they make it work?

Photo by Eric Kieu

HELEN HOANG is that shy person who never talks. Until she does. And then the worst things fly out of her mouth. She read her first romance novel in eighth grade and has been addicted ever since. In 2016, she was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in line with what was previously known as Asperger’s syndrome. Her journey inspired The Kiss Quotient. She currently lives in San Diego, California, with her husband, two kids, and a pet fish. Visit her online at helenhoang.com, facebook.com/hhoangwrites, instagram.com/hhoangwrites, and twitter.com/hhoangwrites.

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