He seemed bigger, blacker, more determined to scar me forever. “I’ve paid you. Our deal is done. I need you to go now.”

I couldn’t tear my eyes from his. “Can I come by sometime...just to say hi?”

“No.” He opened the pedestrian access beside me. “Like I warned you before, you are no longer welcome here. I appreciate your help today. I’m grateful for your time. But you’re not permitted to visit. Forget about me because I have nothing to give you.”

“Forget about you like you forgot about me?”

His jaw worked. “I didn’t forget you.”

“You left me.”

“We were kids. It meant nothing.” His voice sounded like scissors, sharp and deliberate, slicing through my attempt at talking. “I won’t reminisce with you, Olin. I’m not trying to be cruel. I just...I really need you to go and promise me you won’t ever come ba—”

“You’ve moved on. I get it.” I clutched my bag to my side. The crinkle of the envelope inside reminded me I’d fulfilled why I was here. Trying to talk to him was utterly pointless, and I had groceries to buy so I didn’t starve tonight.

Common sense tried to bow me into surrender. My eyes flickered to the door.

But...

But.

I squared my shoulders, speaking my thoughts aloud rather than keeping them silent. “You know...if I walk out of here now, without trying, I’ll forever wonder. So...here it goes.” I forced myself to smile kindly—to let him know I didn’t hold grudges or hate.

I might forgive him, but I would never settle unless he talked to me...just once.

He owed me that.

Surely, he owes me that.

“Olin, stop—” He held up his hand, but it was too late.

“I was in love with you. Did you know that? Of course you knew that. I told you. So many times. And even if I didn’t, it was obvious. I was totally, stupidly besotted in only the way a silly teenage girl can be. I had fantasies of saving you. Moving you into my house. Making you my family to replace those we didn’t want. And I know you loved me too. You told me with every touch, Gil. Every nickname.”

His gaze flew to my shoulder, no doubt thinking of the tattoo hidden on my back. Then his eyes landed back on mine, lashing me in place with unyielding insolence.

“That day...the day I invited you to my place. I wanted to give you everything.” I blushed. “So many times, we came close to kissing. So many times, we were this close. In fact, we kinda did kiss if you count a quick brush a kiss. We both wanted it. But then...you cut me out with no explanation. You broke up with me so easily. You humiliated me. You ignored me from that point on. You—”

“It’s in the past.” His teeth bared between indignant lips. “I can’t change what I did. Just like I can’t change a great number of things, no matter how much I wish I could.”

I stilled. “What things?”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes with harsh fingers. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It obviously does.”

He groaned, a tormented sound deep in his chest. “You need to go now.”

“Do you...do you wish you hadn’t broken up with me?”

His eyebrows tugged down, annoyed at his slip. “What do you want from me, Olin? I’m being as courteous as I can, but you’re not listening to me. I need you to leave.” His eyes battled with hot and cold. “Never come back.”

“I need to know why.”

“You don’t need to know. I had my reasons, and those reasons still stand. That’s enough.”

“For you maybe. But not for me. You have to see it from my point of view.”

“No, I don’t.” He stood tall, a heavy weight crushing him even while he grew angry. “I don’t owe you anything. All of this was a big mistake. The past was a mistake. Working with you...fuck.” His clipped delivery broke, his eyes flashing at the door. “Please, Olin, I’m so fucking sick of asking. Don’t keep making me repeat myself. I need you to leave and never step foot in here again. It’s better if you forget you ever knew me and move the fuck on.”

His words stung like wasps.

Before I could retaliate, he added, “Besides, why do you think I actually had a reason you would accept? A reason I could give you that would absolve what I did?” His gaze glowed with misery—deep, deep, endless misery, but he slammed shutters over his unexplainable sadness and embraced calculated, withering rage instead. “I didn’t need a reason to break off a teenage fling. I owe you nothing. We meant nothing.” His body leaned into mine, bringing frost and snow. “You meant nothing.”

I swayed, banging against the roller door again. He had me trapped. It was up to him to let me go, yet he didn’t move aside. Didn’t look away. Didn’t stop his hand landing on the door by my ear, clanging with a heavy bell of disgust and dismay. “Stop asking questions I can’t answer. Stop looking at me as if I’m responsible for destroying your life. Stop making me fight with—”

“I don’t play games, Gil.” I pushed off the door, shoving him back. “I’m not here to throw insults or act as if things that I know meant something were meaningless. If you knew me at all in high-school, you’d know I have no patience for cruelty.”

Sucking in a breath, I reached out and cupped his cheek. “Besides, I don’t believe you.”

He reared back, a guttural noise falling from his lips.

My fingers seared from touching him. My heart cried for the way he reacted.

I dropped my hand. “I tried to have an honest, adult conversation with you, and you tried shaming it with lies.” I shook my head, disappointed and distraught that the boy I’d never gotten over had turned into such a short-tempered, unbreakable male. “I’ll go. I won’t annoy you with my presence anymore. You’re not telling me the truth, but I’ve got the message. Don’t worry.”

I brushed past him, my spine tense and knees quaking. “You won.”

A swift hand shoved me back against the door; a palm splayed over my sternum, holding me in place against the musical metal. “I haven’t won. I never fucking won.”

“Let me go.”

“You act as if you’re the only one in pain here. You look at me as if it was all my fucking fault.” His hand burned me—not from heat but dry ice. His touch was worse than any brushstroke from before. Then, it had teased and reminded. Now, it sank past my ribs, deep into the chasm of me, and stabbed a heart that still had bruises. “You don’t get to judge me, Olin. You don’t get to judge what I do to protect—” His eyes snapped closed, his head twisting to the side.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

His eyes opened again, blackened with history and lost to whatever secrets he refused to share.

My heart skittered away, afraid of him. Afraid of the cavern of agony inside him. “Gil...”

“Goddammit, don’t.” His forehead crashed on mine, breathing hard. Our eyes locked, stare to stare, noses almost touching. His anger cracked, revealing a jagged splinter of fragile vulnerability.

I trembled.

How could a man who surrounded himself in barricades suddenly leave himself wide open for attack?

His gaze glittered with two opposing forces even as his throat worked as if swallowing pure rage.

But beneath the rage burned lust.

A lust that had only grown instead of diminished.

A lust that was an infectious, insidious disease.

I froze.

Breath vanished.

Time stood still.

“Goddamn you to hell.” His fingers slipped up my neck, holding me captive as his body pressed into me and his lips smashed painfully onto mine.

The second his mouth captured mine, all ethics, willpower, and rationale fled. Normal behaviour scurried like scared little mice as the claws of violence and desire snatched us both.

His fingers tightened on my neck at the same moment his tongue sliced through my lips, invading me, tasting me, taking the kiss he hadn’t taken in the past.

For a second, I was his to command. Totally pliable and shocked.