I meet his eyes and time feels like it grips onto the moment. I let the kaiken drop and it clatters on the stone floor.

I look down at the blade and back to him. My eyes must be enormous when I mouth the words I'm sorry. There's a faint trace of amusement in Ashen's expression.

"Do not startle the vampire. Duly noted," the Reaper says as he bends to retrieve the dagger from the floor. He straightens and holds it by the blade so I can take the handle. The point faces his heart. There's something vulnerable about it. There's trust in his eyes.

I pull the dagger from his hand and look at it for a long moment. Even if I'd struck him with it, I probably wouldn't have killed him. If I had, he would just come back. There are very few ways to kill a Reaper for good, and most of the time it's not worth it to try. You only incur the wrath of their kind. I guess we're alike in that way. When you kill my family, I get a little pissy about it too.

"All right, vampire?" Ashen asks, and the ghost of his touch from the last time he spoke those words heats the skin on my belly. I look from the knife to his face and his brow furrows. "You seem... strange."

I give him a look that says what the fuck do you mean, 'strange'?

"...Strange-er."

What the-

"Stranger than usual."

My look intensifies into a glare and I sheath my dagger as I turn to the bed. I sweep the pen and journal from the slick sheets.

I'll tell you what's strange, Reaper. The Shadow Realm. I've barely seen any of it and I can already tell this place is weird AF, I write, showing him the note.

His lips purse in the most adorably fucking annoying way as he looks to the ceiling to consider my words and then nods. "Yes, I can't really disagree there," he says, meeting my eyes before his narrow in mild suspicion. "It doesn't explain why you are acting strange, however."

The whole fire corridor of terror isn't enough of an explanation?

"No, I don't think so," Ashen says, and I throw up my hands in irritation.

Maybe it's your weird echoey building. Maybe it's your ridiculously perfect-yet-deadly Reaper sister. Maybe it's your freaky mazey hedge thing out there that's got me feeling a little on-edge, Reaper, I write, pointing out the window as he looks up from my note. I snatch my journal from his fingers. Maybe it's your fucking sheets. Have you not heard of a weighted blanket? How is this supposed to be comfortable? 

Ashen fights a smile as he reads my note. "What's wrong with my sheets?"

They're slippery. And thin.

"Slippery?"

I turn to the bed and slide my hands across the surface in dramatic fashion. I pick up the edge of the thin fabric and flap it in the air to demonstrate my point. SLIPPERY. See also, THIN, I write, staring him down as he battles his grin. He's losing.

He smiles. I frown. We stare.

And then, a realization. An epiphany.

Oh my fucking GOD. These are your sex sheets aren't they.

I pass him the note and Ashen laughs. Properly laughs. It's maybe the greatest sound I've ever heard. It's so warm. It's so rare. I would steer my ship onto the rocks just to hear it again, to see his face vibrant with its afterglow. But I know that game. I'm a siren, for fucksakes. So when his laugh tapers off and he repeats "sex sheets" in an incredulous voice, I do my best to nurture a fierce glare.

Yeah, Reaper. That's all these are good for. They certainly aren't good for sleeping.

Ashen laughs again. He looks to the bed like he's never seen it before. When he looks back at me there's a fire in his eyes. "I'll have you know they are quite luxurious."

My eyebrows raise in a challenge but he says nothing. For a long moment, neither of us moves. The glare dims in my eyes. The flame brightens in his. He takes a step closer. I stand my ground.

"What's the matter, vampire? Afraid you won't be able to keep your promise?"

What promise?

Ashen takes another step closer. A wicked gleam ignites in his eyes. "To control yourself."

This game is getting very dangerous. My desire is feeling very real. A coil of heat turns in my belly. My heart feels too hot beneath my bones.

I didn't promise anything. I said, 'I think I can control myself'. Does that sound like a promise to you? I pass him my note and watch as he reads. He meets my eyes as he hands the journal back. My fingertips graze his and the coil of warmth strokes my ribs.

"No," he says, his voice low, the timbre as thick and rich as honey. "In fact, it sounds like you expect you will fail."

I pull my notebook from his grasp. I write a message. I turn it to him.

It sounds like you WANT me to fail.

Ashen's gaze meets mine and then descends to my lips. The flame brightens just enough that my vampire eyes can see it. I feel the steady cadence of his breath. I hear the rush of blood through his heart.

We don't move. I feel caught between the things I want and the things I shouldn't. Things that are dangerous and things I desire. Memory and the need to be wanted. Secrets and the truths that blood and breath cannot hide.

Ashen's gaze is still soldered to my lips when I see the flame begin to dim in his eyes. He swallows. He takes a heavy breath. I know what he's doing. He's doing what I should be doing but can't seem to. He's putting on armor, from the inside out.

I take a step back before he can be the first to do it. I meet his eyes for only the beat of a heart before I turn away toward the door.

I already feel like I'm unravelling here. One moment, one word, one look at a time.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 15

We leave Ashen's room and walk down the corridor with no sound between us except our echoing footsteps. It doesn't just feel awkward. It feels tense and restless and broody. Like, really broody. I don't know if it's just me, but I kinda think if I turned around and headed back to his room, Ashen would be right on my heels. I would probably rip his clothes off the second the door closed behind us and then we would-

Do you ever think of something so ridiculous that you suddenly talk out loud or make a super weird sound? Well, I don't do that.

But I do smack my face with my palm. So now I must seem not just 'strange' but straight-up nuts.

Ashen looks down at me with a furrowed brow but doesn't say a word.

This place is freaking me out, I confess, writing as we walk.

"I gathered. You're barely even out of the corridor and your strangeness level has reached new heights," he says as we near the top of the stairs.

I know. That's a fact that's freaking me out even more. 

"While I cannot blame you, you're going to need to pull it together. It doesn't get any better when we leave the building."

By the time we reach the bottom of the stairs I feel like I want to melt out of my skin. I must have a look of utter desperation on my face when I glance up at Ashen because he seems legit concerned.

"Vampire-"

I hiss. Fuck that felt good. Therapeutic, even.

"Vam-"

I hiss again.

"Lu," Ashen says, slowing to a halt and pulling me with him. I struggle to meet his eyes. I'm antsy and restless and I feel like I can't stay still. Moments ago, the Shadow Realm felt like it could be the true reality, like the other world was the myth. But now it feels like a toxic gas. Somehow, I know I'm not meant to be here after all. I know it in my breath and bones. Ediye was right, and the fact that Ember knows who I am certainly doesn't help. It's like I've been tilted on my axis. Like my orbit is misaligned.