Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

… Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless

and forgettable

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

is here, in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm.

My favorite part was definitely cuddling with you. I could never find the right words to express what exactly I was feeling in those moments, until I stumbled upon this quote, reflecting my feelings and sensations in the most wonderful and accurate way. Here’s its loose translation: “If two lovers sleep or simply lie down holding each other tightly, they become tattoos on – and even under – each other’s skin. Forever.” Indeed, even though we went out a lot, hung out with your friends, watched movies, and listened to music together, all this “doing” paled in significance compared to just how magical and otherworldly being physically next to you felt.

I remember often sitting at my desk or on my sofa, without thinking about anything in particular, just staring off into space, while actually being completely consumed by my intense feelings and emotions. During those few months, it felt like I was floating instead of walking on solid ground. Every night, I went to bed not really wanting to fall asleep, because I knew I would temporarily stop feeling this love, something I never ever wanted to happen (how ironic). However, as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, the very first thing I always became aware of was this enormous love inside me, mixed with joy, airiness, and fullness of life.

I realize now, many years later, that the true reason why I wanted to be close to you all the time was not a lack of self-sufficiency at all (as a friend of yours insightfully pointed out to me once, leaving a harsh long-lasting impression on me), but my subconscious wish to share this all-encompassing feeling of mine with you, to let you sense how deep my feelings ran, to shower you with them, because I was overflowing. Even though I was attracted to and loved other people in my life, with them I felt either safe, calm, adventurous, curious, joyful, or authentically me (the second best feeling, by the way), but NEVER SO overwhelmingly in love, elated, and airy. My soul was blooming. That time with you was my personal bubble of intense genuine happiness, which I hadn’t experienced before and didn’t experience long afterwards. The electricity that ran between us did leave us with unremovable tattoos under each other’s skin, and the bliss I lived in marked me for a lifetime. I will always know as I knew then that “loving you was the happiest I’ve ever been.” (Thank you, Shawn Mendes, for this lyric in “When You’re Gone”.)

We are bound by a thousand songs.

We are bound by delight.

We are bound by my broken heart.

We are bound by the city streets.

We are bound by the falling snow.

We are bound by a fleeting spring.

We are bound by the sweetness of our kisses.

We are bound by our first “Hi!”.

We are bound by my tears.

We are bound by the invisible threads woven together lifetimes ago.

No matter how hard I tried to break those ties of ours…

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