How prosaic everything is, you say. I will confirm your words. It’s trite when people cheat, but we’re still shocked every time: “He seemed like such a good person.”
So yes, I expected something like this all the time.
And finally, when I relaxed in my twenties after three years of seclusion, and began the first serious relationship in my life (it lasted about two months), he left me.
And later he admitted that he had cheated.
This man drank every day, drove drunk, threw hysterics about sex, even proposed marriage to me. And in the end he left with the words: “You were too nagging at me.”
As a religious fanatic, I tried to make a man out of Dima, criticized and nagged him so that he would change, manipulated sex so that he would change.
And in the end she got hit in the back.
Do you know what's terrible? I wasn’t upset that this fallen little man slept with someone else, I sprinkled ashes on my head for my nagging.
I sincerely believed that I should return him and slow down. That since he wanted to get married, then he is the one and I need to change myself, become more loyal to his shortcomings, more patient, forgive and start all over again.
Of course, you already know the sequel. You can guess that I started drinking with him, going to nightclubs, skipping school, and generally becoming more cynical than I was.
Girls, if you tried to imitate your imperfect man only on the assumption that he was the one, then let the world cry, because this is the greatest stupidity of the weak half of humanity.
So what could I do then.
First, do not start a relationship with an alcoholic at all. In Russia, despite the supposed genetic predisposition, there are still men who do not abuse alcohol.
Secondly, I could recognize his psychoticism even in his first hysteria and drive it away.
Thirdly, after he stopped picking up the phone and calling himself, it was worth leaving everything de facto. It was worth completely immersing yourself in studying, and maybe even working part-time, so that there was no time left for stupid thoughts.
Every evening I returned from university to a rented apartment, where my neighbor regularly worked or slept after a night out, and cried in the bathroom.
I hardly ate, I got hooked on “The Sims” (this is a computer game), and if my friend could stay with me for a little while, I occupied her ears and made her depressed.
It was a difficult period, I took Corvalol twice in order to somehow fall asleep. Thank God, I clearly understood the harm of antidepressants and psychiatrists and did not go for “help.”
Zhanna, that same neighbor, had been on antidepressants years earlier because of her boyfriend’s infidelity. What did it cost her? There was barely life… She tried to commit suicide one night while on medication.
Yes, you heard right. Not before or after taking them, but during. Before the intervention of psychotherapists, Zhanna simply suffered and cried, her threats of suicide were just words, which alarmed her parents.
But after a week of taking psychotropic drugs, Zhanna got up at night while the “convoy” was sleeping and went to commit suicide.
Her parents woke up in time and stopped her. This was followed by a difficult period of rehabilitation with withdrawal symptoms, but she coped with it and stopped taking the terrible drugs.
I, taught by her experience, clearly defined my life: “I will never take any drugs to treat mental pain.”
Corvalol was the only weak drug that I wanted to use as therapy.
But in the end it wasn’t he who helped, but you know what?
Comedy club. Yes, yes, the same one with Pavel Volya and Alexander Nezlobin.
The guys pulled me out of my apathy without even knowing it.
Was there a better way than sarcastic TV hosts?
Yes.
If only someone had told me a hundred times that it was not my fault. With love and care he would convey to me that I am not to blame for the guy’s betrayal. If I realized that I was responsible for the breakup, that I was the cause, but responsibility is not the same as guilt, then I would cope.
And in the end, do you know what happened? For about another year I tried to bring Dima back in my usual manner, and I succeeded. True, by that time, cynicism towards men had reached the height of my nature, and I went looking for new adventures.
Then I saw a similar situation in several other women.
Tatyana's acquaintance chose the path of living with an alcoholic who beat her, but “loved” her, instead of self-improvement and a happy life.
Anna, a friend, became a debauchee because of her husband, who drank, cheated and beat her.
The stepdaughter abandoned her studies and began to abuse alcohol because of the guy who proposed to her and, according to rumors, also cheated on her. With her, fortunately, the story quickly corrected itself; the right people were nearby, who quickly grabbed her by the hands and pulled her out of the quagmire, which almost sucked her in. Exactly a month was enough to discover the deplorability of the situation and quickly take drastic measures to restore its causality over life.
What have we done? They did not support her, they condemned her actions (not her in any case). She wrote down her harmful actions towards herself and other people, sorted by time, place, form and event, after which she immediately left her boyfriend, an alcoholic gambling addict, and found herself an evening job in an elite organization together with a new decent young man.
If in my time, then at the age of twenty, I knew such technology, I would have been able to avoid a lot of mistakes.
Do you think that I speak in cliches and in a very veiled manner?
True, because censorship doesn't let some things through. If you are especially interested in how to survive the pain of loss, you can find me on Instagram and write. I will be glad to help individually in your situation.
Back to cheating.
What happens when a person is drawn to flirt (and cheating begins with this) with another person?
Let's take a closer look.
What is a weak front?
In my opinion, this has always been a kind of whim.
Well, that is, we are all polygamous by nature and we would all like to have sex with several sexual partners without feeling remorse.
And since man is a highly organized being and has learned to live in society, he is obliged to fulfill the demands of the majority in order to get along with it.
For example, what are the requirements of the majority?
It has been observed that if two people decide to belong to each other, then the presence of a third upsets one of the couple. Very frustrating. So much so that he can kill the other two. Therefore, it was decided that if a couple agreed to live together, then the expansion of their group should be agreed upon by both members.
Infectious diseases also appeared: syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV in the end. Society, trying to protect itself, noticed that many sexual contacts with different people lead to the spread of infection, epidemic. In their powerlessness against this, contraceptives were invented, but not all and not always, unfortunately, save one hundred percent. Therefore, yes, the most correct and competent way invented by society was a serious relationship between two faithful partners.
