She meaningfully: “Ah.” This is what polite people say to hide their misunderstanding.

I decided not to educate her about this in her seventh decade.

Mom, if you're reading this, know that I didn't come up with this. The Bible, which you love so much, says this. There was an Onan who practiced coitus interruptus; for some reason handjob was named after him.

Back to homosexuality. Here’s another example: two women of about forty, but very beautiful and obviously rich, recently approached me, gave me a lot of compliments and invited me for a cup of coffee.

Women do not meet people like themselves on the streets. No heterosexual woman would make acquaintances so daringly. In a beauty salon, yes. Mutual friends, yes. Friends in misfortune, perhaps in a bar, or at the gym, yes. On the street, no.

This is what men do in order to later get them into bed. It's not bad. It’s just that this way of behavior is characteristic of the stronger sex and lesbians.

I refused, but later I told my husband that I had never received a better compliment in my life.

Between us girls, we love competition. And if a man admires us, it’s nice, and if a woman, then doubly so. After all, if your opponent likes you, it means she recognized your superiority. You win.

Well, maybe we don’t think so directly, but somewhere deep down, I believe, we do.

Well, that’s probably all on the topic of same-sex love, let’s move on to the next chapter of my life.

Another story that left a mark on my life.

I really thought that if the mountain does not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed has no reason to try.

They assured me that everything was God’s will. Single and older friends from the youth Christian community constantly said that if God does not give you a husband, then he has a different plan for you.

There was a little happiness on their faces, and I’m sure each secretly wanted to quickly get married in order to prove to everyone that there was no curse on her. Oh, sorry, celibacy.

Well, what is this if not a curse?

You want sex, you want a handsome, smart, kind, sexy, preferably financially secure man next to you. And here it’s “on you”, you need to dress decently, behave decently, be an obedient and exemplary Christian, because there is no place for harlots in heaven.

So you stand in a dilemma: bright makeup is not allowed, God does not want it. You walk around pale as a moth, and pretty boys pay attention only to those whose natural beauty outshines all the other parishioners.

Brad, really?

That is, in the battle for the best guy, the one who doesn’t need makeup a priori wins.

And the dull gray mouse gets exactly the same mediocre guy. And everything would be fine, because there are a lot of couples like that, and they live happily, love each other (I don’t mean it as a reproach, forgive me for God’s sake if I offended anyone), but there are also those who don’t settle for the average, give them the best .

I'm very ambitious. I always wanted to be on top.

I don't think I'm giving up yet.

Every time I increase the upgrade level to reach new heights.

Now I’m thinking about going to Hollywood, I’ll start with small roles, and then we’ll see how it goes. Look, in this life I’ll star in the main one.

Then, at fourteen, I didn’t want to agree with the vow of celibacy. She constantly tried it on herself and threw it aside with contempt.

I prayed that God would not give me such misfortune, that he would bypass me and reward Olya, well, let Christina, Nastya, Valya in extreme cases, but not me.

They are all married now, just like me, but then they were so afraid. They were afraid, but did not show these feelings. They held firm.

I was the weakest of all, the first to start putting on makeup, and so brightly, to be sure. I didn't even give up on getting David.

He was in a relationship, and I asked him to teach me how to play the guitar, suggested we go for a walk, supposedly discuss the Bible, and arranged gatherings with mutual friends at his house. All this was seasoned with a ton of makeup and a deep neckline.

Even after that unfortunate under-kiss, I carried out attacks on the poor couple of guys in love. I think these were attacks on my loneliness. I fought him desperately.

I went to clubs, met with guys in between, until I left for a bigger city, where, as I wrote earlier, I almost locked myself in a monastery for three years.

Do you know what was there? Three years of celibacy. It’s so funny, I fought with him so much and lost. Beaten and defeated, with my tail between my legs, I resigned myself to this fate and stopped trying.

In the dorm, I was a nasty nerd who, at twenty-three, could go into the kitchen and rip someone's stereo cord out of the socket because I wanted to sleep. The whole floor was having fun and listening to this music, it didn’t bother anyone, but they were afraid of me. I complained, after all.

I laugh, but in those years I was stiff and hypocritical, like an old woman.

I masturbated then too. But she hid it from everyone, fearing to spoil her image of decency.

These were strange years in my life. I had a lot of friends, I won’t say that I missed you, but life in fear of God’s punishment is very depressing.

Christian girls, friends of those days of mine, if you are reading this book and are still not burned with shame, then come to your senses.

There is no one in this life who would live it for you. If you are unhappy, then it will get worse, only depression and antidepressants while waiting for a better life in paradise. I have already seen girls like this, dreaming of quickly getting off this rushing train called “life”, instead of picking up speed and winning themselves.

There will be no other source of happiness except yourself. No one, no heavenly powers will make you happy if you have not learned to generate happiness in yourself.

Okay, let's move on. I'll tell you a little later about my episode of apathy.

In the meantime, here are examples of girls who thought they were under a curse, ugh, you misspoke again, a vow of celibacy.

Inessa, a plump thirty-five-year-old girl, married a rich Finn, travels with him around the world.

Sonya, a masculine, stooped, bespectacled daughter of a village priest, married a young pastor from another village.

Another Sonya (the spitting image of John Lennon in a skirt) married a new parishioner.

Masha hurried up and married an alcoholic, but the truth overcame loneliness. Was it worth it? She knows better.

Sveta, she went on exchange from the University to Norway, there she found herself a tall, curly-haired Jew who lives in Israel.

Zhanna married her childhood friend, but I think she’s worried that her betrothed is still wandering around somewhere.

Zoya married a very hardworking guy. Do they have orgasms? I don't know, but they have fun together.

Zhenya is married for the second time.