I didn’t have the capacity for anything else right now. I needed to focus on one thing at a time.

It took everything in me not to break down right there in his arms. With his heat against me, his scent filling my nostrils. It would be so easy. He would take care of me, I knew it. He would protect me.

But I would never forgive myself if I didn’t do this.

I wouldn’t hide from this, no matter how much I wanted to curl into a ball and stay in his arms.

“Please, Azur,” I said, my voice breaking.

It took everything in him.

I saw it. Every tight muscle. Every fractured facet in his reddened gaze.

When he said, “I’ll have a ship outfitted for you and get a crew on board. You can leave within the hour,” that was when I knew…

That last little piece shifting into place…

I loved him.

And I didn’t know if we could ever be together again.

Chapter 43

Gemma

Our estate in the Collis was just how I’d left it.

Dingy, rusted gate on poorly oiled hinges.

The too-bright green grass that never grew, leading to the circular drive, which wrapped around our crumbling fountain that no longer worked.

Beyond, the grand home stood. It looked small compared to House Kaalium’s keep, and I’d forgotten how quiet it was here. In New Inverness, where I’d lived as a child, little chittering bugs had filled the evenings with their music, especially since we’d lived out in the countryside of the colony planet.

But here…it was silent. Like nothing dared to breathe. Or maybe it was just me.

My father would be here. I’d called him from the ship that Azur had chartered for me, telling him I was returning to the Collis but dodging his questions about why. My sisters had been excited to see me, surprise evident on their faces, especially when I couldn’t quite share their enthusiasm, only offering them half smiles that hadn’t quite reached my eyes.

I was sick to my stomach. A weight of dread lodged deep in the pit of my belly. The cowardly part of me would’ve given anything to flee the Collis. The moment the transport vessel had dropped me off at the gates from port, I’d had the urge to turn and run. To hide in the blue salt mines and just sink into the mountain. A mountain that had been named after my father, which was enough to propel me forward through the gates.

I couldn’t run from this. I would never forgive myself if I tried, just as I knew I would never forgive myself for what I was about to do to my father. My sisters. This would ruin their chances for a future. They’d be shunned from our society, cast out to the wolves. Our estate would be sold. Mother’s grave would be forgotten.

It was Piper that I saw first. Running from the house to me. The last time we’d seen one another in person, she hadn’t quite been able to look me in the eyes, her harsh, biting words still stinging between us. But it was her arms that wrapped around me first, hugging me tight.

“I’ve missed you, Gem,” she whispered in my hair. We were the same height, and I found it so odd since I was used to being around Kylorr. Around Azur with his towering bulk. “We’ve missed you. Please tell me you’ve come home. Please tell me he’s let you come back to us.”

I saw Mira racing from the house too. It was evening, the golden light spilling from the inside like a beacon, and I felt out of place. I didn’t belong here anymore even in my sister’s arms. It was a bewildering, dizzying realization, and all I could think, shamefully enough, was that I wished I was in Azur’s arms right now.

Mira joined us when she reached us, her breath huffing, her delighted laugh filling the small circle.

“I’ve missed you both so much,” I whispered raggedly.

How would I tell them? How could I?

But I was done lying to them. They deserved to know the truth.

Piper and Mira pulled back. It was Mira’s laugh that died first. “What’s wrong, Gem? Tell us.”

The words were stuck in my throat, however. They wouldn’t come out. Not right now.

“Is it him?” Piper asked, her defenses rising. “Did he do something to you?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head, reaching out to squeeze her hand. My other was still wrapped around the handle of my trunk. “No.”

“But you’ve come back?” Mira asked hopefully. “You’ll stay?”

Mira’s lovely face looked so much like mother’s that I wondered if it hurt our father to look at her. Sun-kissed skin, golden hair, and glittering eyes. Piper had her features too but had taken her coloring from our father, like me.

I wondered if looking at me hurt Azur. Because I wondered if I reminded him too much of Rye Hara.

I wanted him.

I wanted him so much that it hurt, but how could we ever move beyond this?

“I’m not sure,” I told them, uncertain what else to say. “But I’m here now. And…And I need to speak with Father. Then I’ll tell you everything.”

Piper frowned, her brows pulling. She was observant, her eyes flicking around my face, scanning the lines of my clothes. I was wearing pants and a soft tunic that flowed over my hips. Estee had made them for me, and I found them infinitely more comfortable than my dresses.

There was a hole in Mira’s dress, I noticed. My eyes stuck to it because it was so unexpected, near where her hand brushed her side, and I wondered if they’d been hiding things from me, too, during our Halo calls.

“Where’s Fran?” I asked.

“In the house,” Piper said, still trying to read me.

I nodded, relieved. Fran hadn’t been present for any calls in the last week. I’d almost worried that she’d been let go, if there were holes in Mira’s dresses and a tight look in Piper’s eyes that hadn’t been there before.

“Come,” I said. “Let’s go inside.”

When we turned, there was a figure standing in the doorway to the house. A burst of adrenaline and dread and sorrow and grief and anger pulsed through me, freezing my lungs and stilling my heart before it beat so fiercely I wondered if Azur could hear it all the way on Krynn.

Father.

Leaning against the doorway, a familiar glittering glass clasped in his hands and a pink hue in his cheeks.

His grin was wide. He was happy to see me. I even saw tears gleaming before he blinked them away.

He embraced me when I reached him, and I smelled the whiskey on his skin, deep in his pores. My stomach roiled but I had the insane urge to hug him tight, to breathe him in.

“This is cause for celebration,” he told me when we pulled away, his arm looping through mine and pulling me into the house.

The first thing I noticed was that some furniture was gone. Disappeared, the dusty edges still noticeable from where they’d been sitting for years. A marble cabinet; a golden curio display we’d had in the main foyer; an entrance table that had once held a Voperian vase, etched in silver, and a bright display of flowers from town.

When I peeked into the front sitting room, the chaise lounge was gone. As was the rug, a tapestry that had been threaded with gold, and a sword that had been hanging on the wall, its handle encrusted with gems.

They’ve been selling furniture, I realized, turning to meet my sisters’ eyes, who cast theirs away.

How bad had it been? How much had they been hiding from me?

Now I knew the burn of hurt at being kept in the dark. And I’d done it to them for so many years.

I had 200 vron sitting in a private account. Azur’s money, a stipulation in our marriage contract. I had asked for it with my sisters in mind, but I hadn’t wanted Father to know about the lump of credits, more credits than we’d seen in years.

“No,” I said quickly, pulling away from his arm. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t pretend. As much as I wanted to put this off another day, I wouldn’t allow myself to. Aina had waited long enough. Azur, Kalia, his brothers had waited long enough. His mother. “We need to talk, Father. We need to talk now.”