Well, the pie is cut in two dead center, and one half is placed before Miss Violette Shumberger and the other half before Joel Duffle, and he does not take more than two bites before I see him loosen his waistband and take a big swig of water, and I think to myself, he is now down to a slow walk, and the pie will decide the whole heat, and I am only wishing I am able to wager a little more dough on Miss Violette Shumberger. But about this moment, and before she as much as touches her pie, all of a sudden Violette turns her head and motions to Nicely–Nicely to approach her, and as he approaches, she whispers in his ear.

Now at this, the Boston character by the name of Conway jumps up and claims a foul and several other Boston characters join him in this claim, and so does Joel Duffle, although afterwards even the Boston characters admit that Joel Duffle is no gentleman to make such a claim against a lady.

Well, there is some confusion over this, and the judges hold a conference, and they rule that there is certainly no foul in the actual eating that they can see, because Miss Violette Shumberger does not touch her pie so far.

But they say that whether it is a foul otherwise all depends on whether Miss Violette Shumberger is requesting advice on the contest from Nicely–Nicely and they wish to know if Nicely–Nicely will kindly relate what passes between him and Violette so they may make a decision.

"Why," Nicely–Nicely says, "all she asks me is can I get her another piece of pie when she finishes the one in front of her."

Now at this, Joel Duffle throws down his knife, and pushes back his plate with all but two bites of his pie left on it, and says to the Boston characters like this:

"Gentlemen," he says, "I am licked. I cannot eat another mouthful. You must admit I put up a game battle, but," he says, "it is useless for me to go on against this lady who is asking for more pie before she even starts on what is before her. I am almost dying as it is, and I do not wish to destroy myself in a hopeless effort. Gentlemen," he says, "she is not human."

Well, of course this amounts to throwing in the old napkin and Nicely–Nicely stands up on his chair, and says:

"Three cheers for Miss Violette Shumberger!"

Then Nicely–Nicely gives the first cheer in person, but the effort overtaxes his strength, and he falls off the chair in a faint just as Joel Duffle collapses under the table, and the doctors at the Clinic Hospital are greatly baffled to receive, from the same address at the same time, one patient who is suffering from undernourishment, and another patient who is unconscious from overeating.

Well, in the meantime, after the excitement subsides, and wagers are settled, we take Miss Violette Shumberger to the main floor in Mindy's for a midnight snack, and when she speaks of her wonderful triumph, she is disposed to give much credit to Nicely–Nicely Jones.

"You see," Violette says, "what I really whisper to him is that I am a goner. I whisper to him that I cannot possibly take one bite of the pie if my life depends on it.

"I fear," she says, "that Nicely–Nicely will be greatly disappointed in my showing, but I have a confession to make to him when he gets out of the hospital. I forget about the contest," Violette says, "and eat my regular dinner of pig's knuckles and sauerkraut an hour before the contest starts and," she says, "I have no doubt this tends to affect my form somewhat. So," she says, "I owe everything to Nicely–Nicely's quick thinking."

It is several weeks after the great eating contest that I run into Miss Hilda Slocum on Broadway and it seems to me that she looks much better nourished than the last time I see her, and when I mention this she says:

"Yes," she says, "I stopped dieting. I learn my lesson," she says. "I learn that male characters do not appreciate anybody who tries to ward off surplus tissue. What male characters wish is substance. Why," she says, "only a week ago my editor, Mr. McBurgle, tells me he will love to take me dancing if only I get something on me for him to take hold of. I am very fond of dancing," she says.

"But," I say, "what of Nicely–Nicely Jones? I do not see him around lately."

"Why," Miss Hilda Slocum says, "do you not hear what this cad does? Why, as soon as he is strong enough to leave the hospital, he elopes with my dearest friend, Miss Violette Shumberger, leaving me a note saying something about two souls with but a single thought. They are down in Florida running a barbecue stand."

"Miss Slocum," I say, "can I interest you in a portion of Mindy's chicken fricassee?"

"With dumplings?" Miss Hilda Slocum says. "Yes," she says, "Of course you can. And afterwards I have a dancing date with Mr. McBurgle. I am crazy about dancing," she says.

СЛОВАРИК

contractor подрядчик

aleing himself up здесь накачиваться элем

beezer здесь нос

boff здесь удар

outeat переесть (съесть больше, чем оппонент)

one and all все

request him to let them miss him здесь попросить его исчезнуть

greatest eater alive самый сильный едок из ныне живущих

wager ставка (у букмекеров)

taps out здесь потратил всю наличность

forfeit здесь безвозвратный залог в случае нарушения условий

bet ставка, делать ставку

sporting instincts здесь спортивный азарт

he may give the elephant a photo finish здесь возможно, победителя пришлось бы определять с помощью фотофиниша

belongs up there as a contender здесь находится на очень высоком уровне среди претендентов на победу

meet = meeting

blats здесь слухи, разговоры

a 6 to 5 favorite over здесь соотношение ставок у букмекеров 6 к 5 в пользу

course блюдо (не посуда, а еда)

term условие (договора)

toss a coin бросить монету (в качестве жребия)

gallon галлон (мера жидкости примерно 3,8 л)

clam здесь моллюск

pound фунт (мера веса примерно 4,5 кг)

ears of corn on the cob здесь варёная кукуруза в початках

loose chewings здесь мелкие кусочки/крошки пищи, которая падает во время еды

in case of a tie в случае ничьей

to eat it off immediately on ham and eggs здесь решить спор немедленно поеданием яичницы с ветчиной

ounce унция (мера веса примерно в 30 граммов)

rooting здесь поддержка, подсказка

outs with his watch здесь доставать часы

heat здесь состязание, схватка

rule здесь выносить решение (о суде)

claim a foul заявить о грязной игре

ВОПРОСЫ И ЗАДАНИЯ

How does the story begin?

What kind of contest was organized?

Can you describe the way the contest was discussed?

Did you happen to see any contests like this?

Why do you think the story was titled like this?

Read aloud and translate any paragraph you like.

(3423 words)

One night I am sitting in Mindy's restaurant on Broadway partaking heartily of some Hungarian goulash which comes very nice in Mindy's, what with the chef being personally somewhat Hungarian himself, when in pops a guy who is a stranger to me and sits down at my table.

I do not pay any attention to the guy at first as I am busy looking over the entries for the next day at Laurel, but I hear him tell the waiter to bring him some goulash, too. By and by I hear the guy making a strange noise and I look at him over my paper and see that he is crying. In fact, large tears are rolling down his face into his goulash and going plop–plop as they fall.