‘I don’t know, Kharon…’ she gave a shrug of the shoulders.
‘Listen to me, the human child, cultivated by urban system of artificial values and priorities’ the demon touched her face, ‘you are not insane. Do you know, why? Because the reality is multifaceted. I am tired of that you, people, thump your chests, declaiming you believe in nothing and nobody but in the evening, when no one can see you, you read psalms, calling for God. I am tired of that you do not believe in curses, but you curse everyone and beg for forgiveness for your words. You do not believe but spit over the shoulder and knock on wood. Why? Why do you lie yourselves?’
‘Because we’re afraid of the truth. We’re afraid of future which is hidden behind the truth. We’re afraid of those we don’t understand. Maybe, that’s why.’ Victoria was looking into his eyes like she was hypnotized.
Kharon sighed and lowered his head. He sometimes was too tired of people.
‘I have to come back. I must finish what I have started before she wakes up. I would like to give you a piece of advice for the future. Never try to slap a demon in the face again. I don’t like it. Most of all that I don’t like you doing this because you just couldn’t resist having pleasure, could you? Puzzle your desires out, Victoria.’
Kharon gave her an unpleasant smile and disappeared, having left the girl to think of her behaviour and desires.
‘Vic!’ the mother called behind the door, ‘You’re sleeping there, aren’t you?’
‘No!’ the girl answered immediately, turned off the tap.
‘Sure?’
‘Yes, yes, I am! I’m coming. Give me two minutes!’
‘Don’t hurry. I just wanted to know if you’re ok.’
“Puzzled out your desires, Victoria…” The last sentence that Kharon said was circling around her head unrestrained. Vic had puzzled her desires out long ago, but she couldn’t puzzle her consciousness, society values, surrounding persons’ meanings out.
For her the most terrible phobia was how society would see her. Certainly, you would hardly surprise with casual sex five minutes after having made acquaintance. Nobody said that it was ok, but nobody stopped it. And Victoria, certainly, wasn’t afraid of that, neither dishonourable nor that casual stupid sex.
Victoria found more terrible thing than society – it was God.
After the last demon’s visit when Vic was in bed, quiet music was playing on the background, muffling the darkness, the girl suddenly realized that if there were demons and deuces then there was God and angels. On the one hand that absolute crazy equality almost drove her mad at all. The demon was too attractive. She didn’t have enough strength to fight her own feelings. To her horror she got that she didn’t want just to have sex with a man of extra-terrestrial beauty, but she wanted him to love her. She wanted to love.
God appearance in her atheistic thoughts wasn’t planned. Would he forgive her for the lascivious thoughts? For one of deadly sins of humanity? Would he let her look at the fabulous paradise gate with half an eye? Would he vouchsafe her his look even contemptible one? Victoria was going to make a fatal mistake and there would be no one to blame but her, the mistake which she was going to be responsible for before Lord in the highest, disgracefully dropping her eyes.
It was so strange and crazy simultaneously feeling to realize the price of her own actions and all the same, contrary to all rules, she kept on planning to perform deeds qualitative. She had a feeling of inevitability and doom. That was all, she had no strength to correct something, to prepare for murderous feast, where she was going to devour the only one dish – retribution. It was going to be forever.
Victoria’s consciousness was full of desperation. She was scared, her heart was paralyzed with terror while her imagination was drawing pictures of justice, but her soul… Was it honest if contrary to all rules, it rushed to her one-side love that she had made up?
‘Hi, Vasilisa.’ Vic dialled her friend. ‘Aren’t sleeping? What’re you doing?’
‘No, I am not. I’m gonna hang out with my friends from university. You?’
‘Me…I’m at home. Stupid me, I thought that you’re at home and we’d speak… I’ve broken up with Daniel…’
‘Oh, shit!’ Vasilisa took a sad sigh. ‘You couldn’t imagine how I hated myself for blabbing out. First, I thought that it wasn’t my business, then I thought you had to know. If I’d calumniated, I’d have apologized, haven’t I, Vic? You aren’t mad at me, are you? Did he confess?’
‘Oh, come on! No mad!’ Vic smiled. ‘On the contrary, thank you for opening my eyes.’
‘Honestly, Vic, I wish I hadn’t been that person who opened your eyes… Let God be with it.’
‘God with it?’ Vic gave a shiver when she heard God’s name. ‘He did betray me, what God would be with him? He sinned!’
There was a quite silence on the phone.
‘Vic.’ The friend said in a low voice. ‘I’ll come on you, ok?’
‘Come on me?’ the girl was surprised.
‘Even distantly I feel you getting through your breaking up. What God, Vic? This statement makes me be suspicious. I’d not have said anything then… I wish I’d not stopped my tongue…’
‘Calm down. It’s ok. Go hanging out. Don’t think about me. I’m preparing to my philosophy exam and I seem to have over read about theocetricism… Don’t pay attention. When are you free?’
‘Ah, I forgot completely about your exams. When’s it gonna be? On 13th? So, you’ll pass it and we’ll meet then right after it if you really don’t need me now.’
‘Deal. I’ll call you before it.’
‘Okay. So, I’m leaving. Don’t be upset, please. If anything happens, call me at once, I’ll come no matter what could happen.’
Vic smiled and hanged off the cell. Her eyes pierced into silent night ceiling. Whatever she imagined to herself, whatever she dreamt about, passion didn’t want to leave her alone. Fear of God absorbed her more and more. She was sure she had nothing to lose yet. Any Lord of the Highest would inflict her only for her chaotic thoughts of evil deeds.
Having turned half of the night, Victoria finally got asleep in the morning. She dreamt about nothing. There was only darkness. But her mind had a rest with no seeing merciless Kharon’s picture. Her mind planned nothing and wanted to delegate it to her subconsciousness. The subconsciousness used to exist on the level of a static chaos, that was one of its favourite deeds.
10
th
June 2013 (Monday)
It was about 11 am when Victoria woke up and immediately got the mystic figure into her consciousness.
Having no thoughts of taking a shower, combing, having breakfast, the girl rushed to the laptop. She was carefully looking for the information about incubi and succubi, God and angels. She didn’t understand what exactly she was looking for, but all her inward nature was yearning.
‘Doesn’t fit, no…’ Vic whispered, crazily jumping from page to page. ‘No. Nonsense. Rubbish. It can’t be. Never believe…’
After an hour and a half of searching Victoria could calm herself down: she wasn’t crazy, and insanity didn’t threaten her. There were a lot of stories on internet whose authors hardly could be called of sound mind. Despite of that the girl had face the demon and his abilities personally she couldn’t believe in what was written on web-sites.
Suddenly among the piles of advice, stories and spells, Vic saw a black angel icon, often appeared, whose owner commented each site, mocking at those or other comments.
‘That’s interesting now’ the girl clicked the link and turned out to be in the personal profile of a man, called himself as a “magician”.
Vic sent him a message and was about to run to the bathroom when the laptop sounded in an intriguing way.
Unknown Person: “What’re you looking for?”
Victoria: “For something that will help me to keep near a demon or…to make him run my commands.”
