To string absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct. Another feature is the fast mentioning of the point. A third is the dropping of an important remark apparently without knowing it, as if one where thinking aloud. The fourth and last is the pause.

The pause is an exceedingly important feature in any kind of story. It is a delicate thing; for it must be exactly the right length – no more and no less – or it fails of its purpose and makes trouble.

On the platform I used to tell a ghost story that had a pause in front of the final sentence, and that pause was the most important thing in the whole story. If I got it the right length precisely, I could say the finishing sentence with effect enough to make some impressible girl deliver a little yelp and jump out of her seat – and that was what I was after. This story was called “The Golden Arm,” and was told in this fashion. You can practice with it yourself – and mind you look out for the pause and get it right.

Once upon a time there was a mean man, and he lived in the prairie all alone by himself, except he had a wife. And she died, and he took her to the prairie and buried her. Well, she had a golden arm – all solid gold, from the shoulder down. He was mean; and that night he couldn’t sleep, because he wanted that golden arm so bad.

At midnight he couldn’t stand it no more; so he got up, he did, and took his lantern and dug her up and got the golden arm. He bent his head down and walked and walked and walked through the snow. Then all of a sudden he stopped (make a considerable pause here, and look startled, and take a listening attitude) and said: “What’s that?”

And he listened – and listened – and the wind said (set your teeth together and imitate the singsong of the wind), “Bzzz-z-zzz” – and then, way back where the grave was, he heard a VOICE! – he heard a voice all mixed up in the wind – he could hardly tell them apart – ”Bzzz – zzz – W-h-o – g-o-t – m-y – g-o-l-d-e-n ARM?” (You must begin to shiver violently now.)

And he began to shiver and said, “Oh, my! OH, my!” and the wind blew the lantern out, and the snow blew in his face, and he walked faster knee-deep in snow toward home, he was so scared – and pretty soon he heard the voice again, and (pause) it was coming AFTER him! „Bzzz – zzz – zzz W-h-o – g-o-t – m-y – g-o-l-d-e-n – ARM?“

When he got to the house, he rushed upstairs and jumped in the bed and covered up, head and ears, and lay there shivering and shaking – and then he hear it AGAIN! – and CLOSER! He heard (pause) – pat-pat-pat[14] – someone was COMING UPSTAIRS!

Then pretty soon he knew it was STANDING BY THE BED! (Pause.) Then – he knew it was BENDING DOWN OVER HIM. He could scarcely breathe! Then he felt something C-O-L-D! (Pause.)

Then the voice said, RIGHT AT HIS EAR – “W-h-o – g-o-t – m-y g-o-l-d-e-n ARM?” (You must wail it out; then you stare impressively into the face of the farthest-gone auditor – a girl, preferably. When the pause has reached exactly the right length, jump suddenly at that girl and yell, “YOU’VE got it!”)

If you’ve got the PAUSE right, she’ll give a dear little yelp and jump right out of her shoes. But you MUST get the pause right; and you will find it the most troublesome and uncertain thing you ever undertook.

My Dear Susy Clemens,

I have received and read all the letters which you and your little sister have written me… I can read your and your baby sister’s fantastic words without any trouble at all. But I had trouble with those letters which you dictated through your mother and the nurses. I am a foreigner and cannot read English writing well. You will find that I made no mistakes about the things which you and the baby ordered in your own letters – I went down your chimney at midnight when you were asleep and delivered them all myself – and kissed both of you, too… But… there were… one or two small orders which I could not accomplish.

There was a word or two in your mama’s letter which… I thought it was “a trunk full of doll’s clothes.” Is that it? I will call at your kitchen door about nine o’clock this morning to ask about it. But I must not see anybody and I must not speak to anybody but you. When the kitchen doorbell rings, George must be blindfolded and sent to the door. You must tell George he must walk on tiptoe and not speak – otherwise he will die someday. Then you must go up to the nursery and stand on a chair or the nurse’s bed and put your ear to the speaking tube that leads down to the kitchen. When I whistle through it, you must speak in the tube and say, “Welcome, Santa Claus!” Then I will ask whether it was a trunk you ordered or not. If you say it was, I shall ask you what color you want the trunk to be… and then you must tell me every single thing in detail which you want the trunk to have in. Then when I say “Good-bye and a merry Christmas to my little Susy Clemens,” you must say “Good-bye, good old Santa Claus, I thank you very much.” Then you must go down into the library and make George close all the doors that open into the main hall. Then everybody must keep still for a little while. I will go to the moon and get those things and in a few minutes I will come down the chimney in the hall – if it is a trunk you want…

If I leave any snow in the hall, you must tell George to sweep it into the fireplace, for I won’t have time to do such things. If my boot leaves a stain on the floor, leave it there always in memory of my visit. Whenever you look at it or show it to anybody you must let it remind you to be a good little girl.

Whenever you are naughty and someone points to that mark which your good old Santa Claus’s boot made on the floor, what will you say, little sweetheart?

abandon – покидать; оставлять

ability – способность

able – способный

abruptly – резко; отрывисто

absence – отсутствие

absently – рассеянно

absolutely – совершенно

absurd – нелепый, абсурдный

access – доступ, подход

accident – несчастный случай

ache – 1) боль 2) болеть, ныть

admiration – восхищение, восторг

admire – 1) восхищать(ся) 2) уважать 3) обожать

admiringly – восхищённо, с восхищением

admit – допускать; признавать

admonish – убеждать, наставлять, предостерегать

adorn – украшать

adventure – приключение

adventurer – искатель приключений

advertise – рекламировать

advertisement – реклама, объявление

advice – совет

afford – быть в состоянии; позволить себе

aftermath – последствия

afterwards – впоследствии, потом, позже

agitator – агитатор, подстрекатель

agreement – согласие, соглашение

agricultural – сельскохозяйственный

aimlessly – бесцельно

airily – легкомысленно, беззаботно; легко

ajar – приоткрытый

alarm – 1) сигнал 2) встревожить, насторожить

allure – очаровывать, манить, привлекать

alter – изменять, переделывать; измениться

alternate – чередовать(ся)

amateurish – непрофессиональный, дилетантский

amateurishness – непрофессионализм

amaze – поражать, удивлять

amazement – изумление

amazing – изумительный

ambitious – амбициозный, целеустремленный

amount – количество

annul – аннулировать, отменять

anonymous – анонимный, безымянный, неизвестный