The look of betrayal in Sura’s anguished blue eyes nearly silences me, but I force myself to keep going. “Nothing can excuse what he did, Sura, nothing. Tides drown me if I lie, I would do anything to save you from what you endured.”

“But?”

I’m tempted to fling myself over the edge in her voice.

“He’d just watched his best friend—his only friend—die a painful death after hours of suffering. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but he was hurting. He’d just lost the person closest to him, after already losing his mother.”

The air grows thick around us.

Sura doesn’t respond.

“Say something,” I plead, squeezing her hand.

“You knew how many Tundraynis died at his hand over the years.”

I dip my chin in a hesitant nod.

“And—and you believed he killed us. Me.” A statement, not a question.

I nod again.

Disbelief laces Sura’s voice when she says, almost to herself, “And still, you … care for him?”

I do. Tides help me, I do.

Tears stream down my face as I nod for the final time.

Sura is silent for several minutes.

It stretches between us for an eternity.

“Oh, Mayah-bear,” she finally whispers. “It’s all right.”

The force of the sob that wrenches from my throat shakes her narrow bed. Sura holds me as shuddering cries rack my body, cool relief mingled with cutting pain.

“If you ‘care’ for him,” she asks when my tears subside, “why are you in my bed?”

I shake my head. “He discovered the Equinox plan before I could tell him,” I whisper, my voice ragged. “Then he … caught me with Daak.”

A shuddering breath.

One more confession.

“And then … he killed Daak.”

Sura gasps, eyes wide.

“Tides drown you, Mayah. He killed Daak? And even still?”

“Even still,” I repeat, covering my face with my hands. “I—I attacked him after it happened. I was so distraught. I wasn’t thinking clearly. That’s when he learned about my waterwielding. He took me captive. I was certain he meant to kill me.” I swallow hard. “His men attacked me. They were going to … He killed them all for me. I ran. Sorka’s camp was nearby, and they captured him.” Fresh tears drip down my cheeks. “They beat him for days. I couldn’t bear the sight of him hurt. I think—I think that’s when I knew for sure. How I felt about him.” My voice drops lower, as if that might hide my shame. “Daak’s death gutted me, Sura. But now, the pain of hurting Zev, betraying him, guts me more,” I whisper.

I am ashamed. I am wretched. I am a monster.

But it’s a truth I can no longer deny.

“Wow,” Sura whispers. “I just—wow.”

“It doesn’t matter. Sometimes I think he still cares, but then he’ll make it clear he hates me. How can he not? After everything I’ve done.”

“Hates you?” Sura snorts. “The man is smitten with you. I know when you’ve entered a room just from the change in his posture.” She sighs dramatically. “I suppose I’ll have to stop telling Tumaas to hug you when he’s around.”

“What?” I sputter. “Why have you been doing that?”

She shrugs, a sly smile on her full lips. “I like watching him unravel. Sometimes, his jaw clenches so hard, I pretend his teeth have cracked. Yesterday, I swear he bit his tongue. It made my week.”

I burst into laughter, until tears leak from my crinkled eyes. Sura watches me, her lips quirked.

“Have you told him how you feel?” she asks.

I nod slowly, the memory of that night together in the tent still a lingering wound. “After we left the Tundrayni camp, I told him. He didn’t believe me. He was … he was cruel.”

Sura’s lips twist into a scowl.

“Tairna’s plan—you as queen. Would he rule beside you?”

“I don’t think so. He wants to leave the realm.”

“You could go with him.”

“What about the plan?”

Sura waves a dismissive hand. “As long as both tyrants are deposed, Tairna will figure something out. Even idiot Tumaas would make a better king. I want you to be happy.”

I don’t have the words to express my heart.

Sura sees me—accepts me. Despite everything, she still loves me.

“We’ll figure this out, Mayah.”

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE

SUNLIGHT STREAMS THROUGH THE unfamiliar window, leaving me disoriented as I blink away sleep. The bed beside me is empty, sheets rumpled. Did Zev actually sleep beside me last night? Deep inhale. I scrunch my nose—honeysuckle. Not the smoky scent I was expecting.

“Still a heavy sleeper, I see,” a lilting feminine voice calls out.

Sura. I’m in Sura’s room.

I sit up as she emerges from behind her closet door, a large box clutched in her slender arms. The mattress dips as she settles beside me and unceremoniously plops the box in my lap.

“A gift,” she explains at my inquisitive glance. “I was planning to surprise you on your birthday, but after last night…”

I think you could use it now is what she doesn’t say.

“Sura, I—”

“Open it.” Her face is bright and beautiful and happy, and I’m in awe of her unbroken spirit. Her soul radiates enough light to brighten the darkness in mine.

The lid slides off the box easily, and Tides, inside is—

“Try it on!” she squeals.

I oblige her and return minutes later dressed in the most breathtaking fighting leathers I’ve ever seen. Smooth, supple leather in the palest shade of ice blue molds to my body like a second skin, hugging my thighs and chest. Brown, knee-high boots and fingerless gloves complete the set. Even a long cape, pinned at my shoulder, drapes down my back.

A fitted vest overlays the tunic, its pockets ready for knives and hidden blades. A wide, brown belt cinches my waist, weighted by a large canteen—not for drinking, but for wielding.

For the first time in my life, the mirror doesn’t reflect a delicate princess—a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A warrior stares back. The fighter I’ve always been beneath the silk and smiles.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my throat tight with emotion.

She only waves me off and pulls me into a fierce embrace. “It suits you,” she murmurs, brushing away my tears.

I manage a watery smile. “Breakfast?”

Sura shakes her head. “I have something to take care of. I’ll catch up with you later.”

I turned heads the entire morning in my new, form-fitting outfit.

But the only head that mattered was Zev’s.

He did a double-take when I strode into Tairna’s office, smoldering eyes raking over my curves. A muscle had feathered in his jaw, and I didn’t miss the way his knuckles blanched. Or the low warning growl that rumbled in his chest when Rycken’s gaze lingered too long. Lyzza had chuckled, pushing her friend’s face away, muttering something about death wishes.

Still, Zev hasn’t said a single word to me the entire meeting.

“The Volcan army has made land,” Tairna says, pointing to a spot on the map unfurled across her table. I shift closer, angling to see the map better, and my elbow bumps into Zev’s.

“Sorry,” I mutter. He ignores me.

Tairna’s dark eyes flit between us, her lips twisting like she wants to lecture her son. At least, I hope that’s what her expression means.

With a muted sigh, she returns her attention to the map. “Their forces will split into two and head here”—she traces a line cutting across the map to Arbinj—“and here”—another line to Tundrayn. “Our men from these camps will join them. Together, that’ll be enough to take over both palaces.” She glances around the table. “We execute the monarchs publicly. Then, we’ll need to move quickly to cement Mayah’s rule.”

I brace my arms against the table. “You can’t kill my father.”

Tairna’s expression morphs into pity. “Mayah, we’ve discussed this … if we want you to lead, then—”