“None of this was your fault,” I repeated. “None of it. Kiernan knows the system better than either of us. He was a highblood. He knew what might happen. He acted like a bastard... and he paid the price.”

“Maybe he paid the price Kage Tanaka should have paid,” Florence suggested, saying exactly what I’d been thinking. “Didn’t he say Kage sent him over?”

“You think he was what? Expendable? That Kage knew what was going to happen? That it was some kind of a test?”

Florence shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know how highbloods think. I’m realizing that more and more every day.”

“But you grew up with them. In a highblood house, I mean...”

“I grew up worshiping them. Idolizing them. Adoring them. But it was always from afar. I didn’t really see them up close that often. They had children my age, but we weren’t friends. The family my mother served lived in, well, basically a palace. We lived in a little cottage on the grounds with the other servants. I would see the highblood family from time to time and they were so beautiful. They looked so noble. Then there were feast days and rites at the temples. We all worship them, Medra. I don’t think you quite understand.” She shook her head. “One day we’ll go into Veilmar. Then maybe you’ll get it.”

“I’d like that,” I said. “I want to understand. I really do. Sellbloods, for instance. You said there were some at the party? The ones being fed from?”

She nodded.

“What are they exactly?”

She colored. “They work at brothels. But not the kind you’re thinking of,” she said quickly. “Blood brothels. They sell their blood.”

I stared at her. “Like thralls?” I didn’t see the difference.

She shook her head. “No, they’re not thralls. They’re not under any kind of enthrallment for one. And they don’t belong to a certain highblood or certain house. They might get some pleasure from the act. I’m not certain. Having your blood taken... Well, no one really claims it’s painful. Not that I’ve heard.”

I didn’t want to think about how pleasurable it might or might not have been to have Blake Drakharrow suck my blood.

“So some people make their living this way?” I said. “Selling their blood?”

“Yes. It’s the way some blightborn choose to live. But they’re often looked down upon for it.”

“What a surprise,” I said with irony. “Seems to be the way with brothel workers. No matter what kind or where you are.”

“Some sellbloods do both,” she said hesitantly. “Sell their blood and their bodies, I mean. There are certain brothels that cater to that.”

I tilted my head thoughtfully. “If they’re selling to highbloods then I’m not sure why they’d be looked down upon. I thought serving a vampire was the highest honor. No matter how you served.”

“You’re right, but... that’s just how it is,” Florence said lamely. “They’re often despised. The lowest of the low. Blightborns treat them poorly and highbloods don’t really treat them any better. Their work can be dangerous. They’re more vulnerable.”

She looked at me and shook her head abruptly. “How can you be so strong, Medra?”

“What do you mean?” I asked in surprise.

“Tonight. With everything that happened. You saw Kiernan get killed. You saw what he did to me and you didn’t just stand there–you acted. Which is more than I did for you when Regan was thrallweaving you in the Dragon Court. You’ve already been through so much and look at you, you’re barely rattled.”

“Believe me, I am. But on the inside.” But I knew what she meant. I tried to think of how to explain. “You don’t want to be like me, Florence. Trust me.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m like this for a reason. I’d rather be like you.”

She gave me a disbelieving smile.

“It’s true,” I insisted. “You’re so...” I searched for the right word. There were many I might have used. Honorable. Kind. Naive. Idealistic. “Good,” I settled on. “You have a good heart.”

“You do, too,” she said immediately. “I’ve seen it. You’ve been kind to me. Kind to Naveen.”

“But I’m not kind. Not nice. Not really. I never have been. Even as a child. I’ve never viewed the world as a good place. I’ve never really believed that good would triumph over evil or that people are naturally good at heart.” And it was certainly even harder to believe in those things here in Sangratha. “I’m a pessimist, I guess,” I finished awkwardly. “I’m always inclined to think the worst of people, not the best.”

Florence was staring at me. I wanted to look away from those soft, gentle eyes but I didn’t.

“Medra,” she said. “Sometimes the problem is that we don’t see ourselves the way others do. Look at what you did tonight.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean look at the fluffin. You found him on the beach. You could have left him there to die. So why didn’t you? Because you hoped against hope that he would live. And why did you want that? Because you have a kind heart. Because you’re a good person.”

I didn’t want to argue with her. I knew there was nothing good about me.

I tried to smile. “Maybe. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.”

“I know there is,” she said firmly. “You’re my friend, after all. And I have the best friends. You and Naveen.”

But when I went to sleep that night, my dreams weren’t filled with Florence or Naveen or the fluffin pup.

I saw only a man with piercing gray eyes standing in front of a blazing bonfire.

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CHAPTER 19 - MEDRA

The next day, Vaughn wasn’t in Basic Combat with Naveen and I. I wondered about it, but then decided he’d probably had a much later night than I had. I wondered if he’d tried Theo’s ambrosia.

When Naveen and I came out of our last class, Florence was waiting in the hall. She looked frantic.

“What is it?” I asked in alarm.

“The pup,” she whispered. “His fever is higher. He’s worse, not better. And there’s nothing else I can think of to do.”

“Would your mother...?”

But Florence was already shaking her head. “This isn’t one of her areas of expertise. All she could do is point us towards more resources. But we don’t have time to sit around reading books.”

“So you’re saying the pup is going to die?” I said slowly.

She took a deep breath. “What I’m saying is we need to get it to a real healer. If we take it to the First Year infirmary, we’ll get into trouble.”

“There are house healers,” Naveen said, looking at me. “You already saw one.”

I understood what they were suggesting. “You want me to take the fluffin to the House Drakharrow healer.”

Florence shook her head. She looked miserable. “You can’t do that. You’re not allowed in the House Drakharrow tower without Blake. Not yet. You’d have to go to Blake first and ask him to do it.”

“Beg him, you mean? Ask him for a favor?” I clenched my jaw and felt like screaming. The fluffin pup was only in this mess in the first place because of the cruelty of a highblood girl. And now Florence and Naveen wanted me to go and ask another highblood for help.

We’d put the pup in Florence’s room last night. I thought of how small he’d looked curled up on his makeshift bed, just a little ball of red fur. Was he dreaming of his mother? His brothers and sisters? He’d probably never see any of them again.

“You don’t have to do it, Medra. I know you don’t want to be beholden to him,” Florence said softly.

She and Naveen were both watching me. We’d told Naveen what had happened this morning. He’d been shocked, and upset he hadn’t gone with us. I think he felt guilty about not being there to protect Florence. Not that he’d have been able to do anything.

I exhaled. “No, it’s all right. I’m being stupid. I’ll do it. I’ll go and talk to him.” I lifted the leather satchel that held my school books up onto my shoulder. “If I can find him, I mean. I don’t have another Advanced Weaponry class until the day after tomorrow.”