“Mm.” Vali could be lazy and I would still want her in my bed, so my mother’s reassurances annoy me. She does not know that Vali is a people pleaser and thus works herself to the bone in order to ensure that everyone is happy with her. “Don’t give her too much work, Mother. She is still a guest. I don’t want her to think the seakind are testing her.”

“But we are,” my mother says lightly. “Do you know how much fishing your father had to do to win my hand? It wasn’t until he brought back three swordfins in one day that I relented and agreed to be his bride. You have it easier. I think if you snapped your fingers, the human woman would fall at your feet.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“No?” Mother tilts her head, her earrings tinkling as she does. Her expression is one of utter casualness as she holds her hand out, examining a bangle on one wrist. “She watches you when you think she is not looking. And she comes into your tent many times a day to make sure you’re sleeping well and that you haven’t woken up or require anything.”

I am stunned to hear this. “She does?”

“Well, not as much now that you are awake more. But Daidu’s potions worried her, I think. She’d hover over you and one time I caught her with her finger under your nostrils, checking your breathing.”

Interesting. It could mean nothing, but this time when Balo laughs heartily, I no longer want to cram the shell in my hands into his face.

“Have you told her how you feel?” My mother prompts. She reaches out and touches my ear fin, the fussing of a parent. “I have noticed you struggle to talk to her. You have always had such difficulty with words, my son. Just like your father.”

Have I told her? I have tried, but words seem to only make it worse. “I do not think Vali will listen.”

“Then you must make her listen.”

My mother makes it sound so simple. As if nothing more is required than putting a hand on Vali’s shoulder and demanding that she listen to my words.

My words have been the problem all along. I have to show her how I care without them, or else I am doomed. “Thank you, Mother.”

She pats my arm. “I’ll let you get back to strangling your nets.”

Chapter

Twenty-Seven

VALI

Inever knew that slingshot fishing could be so much fun. It’s not something that ever occurred to me—I thought fishing always happened with a net or a fishing pole. I know Ranan uses a trident, but he swims underwater so I figure the rules are different for him. But slingshot fishing makes me feel powerful and strong, like a water goddess of fishing.

“You’re getting pretty good at this,” Balo tells me as we tread water at the side of one of the older turtles. Its head is covered with fuzzy seaweed that drifts in the sea around it and I’m told her name is Sjaata and she likes chin scratches. I rub the enormous chin while I hoist my spear into the air, a wriggling blue fish on the forked end.

“I love this,” I gush to him, and I mean it. I kill the fish and toss it into the large hole-strewn basket on Sjaata’s side. There, other fish float in the water while waiting for someone to come and prepare them. I’ve seen the elders and some of the children go and grab the fish to clean and gut. No one declares ownership of a catch. It’s assumed that if it goes in the basket, it’s for anyone to use. It all gets used, too.

And I’m happy to contribute. After a week of being on the flotilla with the others, I’m starting to get the hang of things. I can swim now, and while I can’t tear through the water like Dorran or Ranan, I do all right. Balo has a pair of long reinforced leather flaps that he straps to his feet to help him paddle, but I don’t have those yet. It’s not the speed of my swimming anyhow. No one cares if I’m fast or slow, they just want to make sure they don’t have to rescue me. Now that I know how to swim, Balo’s been teaching me how to do some of the chores. I’m not great with fish leather; it requires extremely careful handling and very fine cutting, and after I mangled a skin, we decided I’d be better at other things. For the last few days, I’ve been practicing with Balo’s sling spear. It’s a thin spear with a two-pronged tine at the end, and the other end has a rubbery strap that I’m told is made from the guts of a particularly nasty deep-sea squid. The band is wrapped around the lower arm and elbow and made taut, and when I see something I want to spear, I release it and the spear goes flying through the crystalline waters. There’s a second, longer leash on the spear that keeps me from losing it in the depths, or else it’d have disappeared several flubbed “throws” ago.

But today, I speared a fish. Today is awesome. It’s just a little one, but as I get more comfortable in the water, I can go deeper and get the bigger fish.

Maybe if I work hard enough, the people here will accept me. They’re already giving me easier looks, but I want more than that. I want to be loved and accepted. If they love me, maybe Ranan will, too.

Ranan. I wrap the sling around my arm again and contemplate my failing relationship with my not-quite husband. We sleep together every night, but things are off between us. I want to beg him to love me, to forgive me for getting upset at his words…but at the same time, I’m trying to be stronger than that. Braver than that. Because Ranan is always saying I should want things for myself.

Well, I want a husband that loves me, and if Ranan decided that we’re going to be married out of pity, I don’t want it.

My new plan is to learn all that I can here while I’m stranded, and be a strong, valuable part of the flotilla. Then when this flotilla joins up with another for a meet, I’ll move over to another, or find someone that will take me to shore. I don’t have to stay here with Ranan, not if it’s going to carve my heart out of my chest just by looking at him.

Because I wanted what I thought we had. We were becoming so good together. And now I’m crushed that it might have been all in my mind all this time. That he never cared for me the way I cared for him. That he was just humoring me.

That he wanted a bribe all this time. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball of misery.

“Well, well. Look who’s up and around,” Balo calls out cheerfully. He tosses his thick wet hair back and runs a hand over his face, wiping away water. “Long time no see, my friend.”

As if my thoughts have summoned him, Ranan hobbles over to the edge of Sjaata. He’s using a spear as a walking stick, and his injured leg is bent, so he doesn’t put weight on it. There’s a seaweed bandage wrapped around the wound, but I know from my own examinations of it that it’s so much better than it was before. He looks good, though. Healthy. There’s a light sheen of sweat from his exertions, but if anything, it just reminds me of how nice it feels to touch him. How his hard muscles feel under my fingertips.

Gods. I’m still lusting after him even knowing that he doesn’t want me. I’m a mess.

“Aye,” Ranan says with a heavy, contented sigh. He shifts his weight, then awkwardly leans on his good leg again, as if he’d forgotten his injury for a moment. “I’m allowed to get off my tail, finally. I can’t put much weight on the leg but I hope it will get stronger every day.”

“Don’t push yourself,” I say. I worry he’s going to tear something and I’ll be responsible for not tending to him correctly in the first place.

His gaze lands on me, lingering. “I won’t.”

Good. Well. I swallow, trying to think of something to say. Normally I’m not tongue-tied around Ranan, but this doesn’t seem like the time for casual chatter about the flotilla or how many fish I’ve gutted today. Not when he regards me with that almost caressing expression, as if it’s pleasing just to look at me. I wish he looked at me like that, always. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so dismayed when he misspeaks.