Инна Кирюшина
How to get married and not to get divorced in a couple of months. Manual for newlyweds
I’m grateful to my husband Sergei for his emotional experience, his love and care with which he surrounds me.
For my son Kirill, who grew up a decent and hardworking man, having a perfect example of a real man before his eyes.
For my talented and beautiful daughter Svetlana, who grows a self-confident girl and makes everybody happy with her tenderness and kindness.
Introduction
I am a loving and beloved woman, a wife, a mother of two children – an adult son and a teenage daughter. I thought about finding a book for them that will help to choose a spouse, and, the most important thing is to make the future marriage truly happy. So first of all, I surfed the Internet, and then I went to the store to look for something suitable. And do you know what I found? Nothing!
What can I do? Just sit down and start writing… I think my thoughts will be interesting not only to my children, but they will help to see the underwater stones of a happy marriage for many people. You will find not only my thoughts about life, relationships and family life, but also a lot of gender secrets, intriguing and cognitive.
As I believe that the main thing in family relations is the ability to laugh, so the book is filled with cheerful and sad sayings, stories and anecdotes. Do not blame me if anything goes wrong: first of all, I am a mother, and you can forgive a mother for many things, including a style – sometimes edifying, sometimes – interrogative, but always – a loving one…
The book for him
Chapter 1
How to choose a wife or Like father, like son
And the Lord promised a man that good and obedient wives could be found in every corner of the Earth. And then he smiled and made the Earth round…
Exactly! It’s the old story but don’t minimize the importance of this information. When you meet a girl and fall madly in love with her, you shouldn’t forget: she is not alone, she has a whole «bunch» of relatives, even if the girl is an orphan. And all of them will secretly or explicitly appear in your life – in behavior, in appearance and talents of your children – so be sure to find an opportunity and try to learn everything about her father and mother, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts.
«What for? – you will ask me – I love her so much! And she has no flaws!». I want to believe in it! But why is a divorce rate so high? Did all these princesses immediately become real witches as soon as they were put a wedding ring on their finger? Everything is very simple: we all are from the past. We were born and brought up by mothers and fathers, who had their own ideas about family values and rules of behavior in the family. You just need to know what they are built on, what is the value in her family, and what is not important. Do you understand and accept the rules of behavior and relationships in her family?
Life example
«Relatives are like New year – if you want it or not – they will come anyway»
Sergei was madly in love with Helena – she was perfect: smart, beautiful and from a good family. He had already decided to make a marriage proposal to his beloved but accidentally he overheard a neighbor's conversation, who was loudly complaining about Helena’s mother’s swearing and loud cries from their apartment.
It was an unpleasant surprise for Sergei because he grew up in a family where no one ever shouted at anyone, where it was customary to negotiate everything. He decided to postpone the wedding and look at the role of a man in the family of the woman he loved. And, as it turned out, for a good reason.
It turned out that Elena's father did not have the right to tell anything in the family, although he was a fairly successful businessman. More than once he was trying to leave, and only his decency and thoughts about two children kept him from taking this step. Helena's mother turned out to be an ungrateful and spoiled hysterical woman who was accustomed to achieve everything with shouts and scandals. Of course, Sergei admitted that Helen might be different in their family, but the only thought that her mother would come to his house and try to teach her daughter by virtue of her character – and she, of course, would come! – terrified him. And, of course, the grandmother will have an influence on his children in future.
Sergei had a very serious conversation with his beloved girl about the role of her mother in their family. Helen said her mother had a difficult character but she would not ignore her in their family life. Sergei made a complicated decision to break up. Only time will tell if he is right or not but caution and attentiveness will not hurt anyone in this situation.
The most important thing of this story is that the young man began to discuss the future family with his girlfriend. Few people do this but one of the most important factors of successful family life is the ability to speak frankly about everything, because without it you’ll find out nothing about a person you want to connect your life.
Think about your future family. Imagine it. It’s necessary to analyze your parents’ mistakes especially if they got divorced. Prepare to family relations and look closely not only at your girlfriend but at everybody who can have an influence on your family prosperity – her family – because endowments, features of character, commitment to family values, etc. are formed there, in her inner circle.
If she has grown up in a friendly and open atmosphere where people get used to stick together at any difficult situation, where your values and interests and her relatives’ ones interlace and the family for her is not the empty phrase – you are lucky!
But perhaps there can be the opposite situation, at the slightest problem she will rush to that place where she is appreciated and loved and where she will be always offered a helping hand to overcome the family misfortune. Then you’ll see neither her nor your child – such things have happened…
That’s why talk and check! Look and observe how she behaves at difficult situations, how she emerges from a conflict – on her own or following the advice of important people: relatives, friends, etc. From this we can conclude who is in front of you and how high you are valued.
Life example
Maria was 35, Egor was 37. She worked in a bank and he, Candidate of Physical and Mathematical Sciences, worked for one of the top-tier consulting firms. Both were Moscow residents. They met and fell in love. They applied to registry office in a half a year. The baby was born, and a young mother absolutely changed. Egor was met by always complaining wife, who didn’t have time for cooking, washing, ironing. He couldn’t understand: where was that gentle and understanding woman? Where was she? Mutual irritation had been accumulating until it turned into open hostility, and a divorce followed. The son was left without a father… Maria did everything they would never meet again, and she returned to her loving and understanding parents in her nest where no one ever required anything from her.
So, it happens: they seem like adult people, but they didn’t talk about it and looked in different directions, so their goals were completely different!
Ask! Feel free to ask questions! Listen to her reasoning! I understand this is boring, I understand you can fall asleep listening this twitter, but let it be better, as at that joke, when two friends meet and one of them asks:
