Sara sobs through her tale of her final weeks with DOX, describing how the group was crumbling with infighting and Xantheus’s waning control. I barely pay attention as she talks about Xantheus blinding her and setting her loose to the forest before the rest of the group packed up and left. The ever-present rage that simmers deep within me boils closer to the surface as she weeps, my armor hardening to contain it. Sara finishes her story when she stumbles upon the roadway and I stare at the laptop readings, folding my fists tight beneath the table, pressing my nails into my palms.
My mother was defined in my childhood by her absence, her aloof presence when she was there, and her inaction in my abuse. And now she cries for the suffering she endured?
“What kind of mother am I?” she whispers, interrupting my fury. “I thought it would be a safe place for us. If I hadn’t gone there, maybe Ava and I both would have been different. And now I have no idea where she is or what happened to her. What if she’s dead? What if she’s still alive and her life is even worse? What if the man who took her was a madman? I’m here with protection just for telling my story and where is she? I should have fought harder, like Ava did. I should have told her I loved her even though we weren’t allowed. I did, I did love my daughter, I just didn’t know how to do it right. It’s torture, not knowing where she is. And I deserve it, for everything I didn’t do for my daughter.”
I slowly sit back in my chair, watching Sara for a long moment as guilt and regret pour into the space between us. There’s only one question I can ask now, the one that solders the past to the present.
“Do you believe Ava would have the skills and ability to pursue other cults similar to DOX?”
Sara thinks on this for a moment, her expression hardening into something that almost looks like fear streaked with pride. “My daughter never spent a day in the real world,” she says. “But I will tell you this. If anyone could learn and overcome that world, it’s Ava. And she would destroy it.”
OceanofPDF.com
31
OceanofPDF.com
ELI
I feel like my soul has been pushed sideways, hanging halfway out my body. Bria wraps up the interview and starts packing the equipment as I discuss next steps with Agent Langille, even though I’m not fully engaged with anything that comes out of my mouth. I just want to get Bria into the car and get the fuck out of here and figure out what this all means. I just want answers, even though it feels like I’m drowning in them.
Agent Langille guides Sara by the arm as we leave the meeting room and take the elevator. I stand between Sara and Bria, trying to shield Bria from this woman. Bria glances up at me but I don’t take her hand.
We keep it brief at the vehicles. I watch Bria’s expression but she gives nothing away as she says goodbye to Sara. There’s neither pain nor malice nor sorrow, just a glossy, clean surface, void of any marks. I set the equipment in the trunk as Bria gets into the car. My heart pounds, thrumming in my ears, and I grip the edge of the vehicle for a steadying breath before closing it and sliding into the driver’s seat.
The silence grows heavier by the second as we coast through the parking lot and turn onto the road to head back to the rental cabins.
“Are you okay?” I finally ask, my voice low and quiet.
“Are you?”
Fair point. “I don’t know. Just like I don’t know what you’re feeling. You hardly ever let me in. Were you ever going to tell me who you were, Ava?”
“Don’t ever call me that,” she snaps back, though her expression remains placid. “I am not Ava.”
I sigh, running my hand down my face. This isn’t how I wanted to start this off. “I’m sorry, Bria. I’m just… I’m confused as fuck. It’s a lot, and a strange way to find out.”
“I know,” she says as she watches through her passenger window as the shops pass by. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” And I am, for so many reasons. I’m sorry I put her into that position. I’m sorry she couldn’t trust me to tell me this sooner. I’m sorry I’m angry and that I’m already not going about this the way I wanted to, even though I know I have a right to feel this way. There’s a lot that she’s still keeping from me. “Did it really happen the way she said?”
“You mean the killing, I presume,” Bria replies. She looks straight ahead once more, and even with a glance I can see the impenetrable forcefield growing around her as she sinks back into her ferocity. “Not really.”
“How do you mean?”
Bria snorts a dark, derisive laugh. “The barn didn’t just spontaneously combust, for one.” She rolls her eyes as though she’s replaying the recent conversation with Sara. “As for me killing Xanus and the beating I received in recompense, she hit most of the high points.”
I take a deep breath that does nothing to calm the alarm rolling through my heart. “What about the man who found you? Was that Samuel?”
“Yes,” Bria says, the edge in her voice softening. “He took me to a safe place and helped me heal.”
My gaze darts between Bria and the road. “What about Zara? Did you kill her too?”
Bria turns to me then, her expression darkening, the mask gone. I see both rage and sorrow swimming in her eyes. My heart cracks at the sight of raw pain in her eyes like I’ve never seen in her before. “Why are you asking questions you don’t want the answer to?”
Bria’s hand feels cold and fragile beneath mine when I lay my palm upon it. I feel like our words are unraveling everything around us, like each one spoken is a hook pulling apart a tapestry. I need to get control of this conversation before all we’re left with are threads on the floor. “I’m trying to understand. What you’ve been through is far beyond the worst I’d imagined when I first saw your scars. I’m asking because I do want to know.”
“Then yes,” she says, not taking her eyes from mine as she speaks. “I killed her too.”
A call comes through on Bluetooth, Agent Espinoza’s name flashing on the dashboard screen. I reject the call and try to keep my attention on both Bria and the road, desperate to get out of this car where we can focus on figuring this out. We fall into a long, tense silence as we pass the city limits and speed toward the cabin.
“Are you the one who’s responsible for the missing individuals related to Legio Agni?”
Bria could call me out on the fact that I’ve never mentioned missing individuals to her, or that it didn’t come up in the preparation or the interviews. But she doesn’t. She just slides her hand out from beneath mine as my organs seem to curl in on themselves. “What would you do with that information if I said yes, Eli? Would you drive me to Washington and dump me on the FBI’s doorstep?”
Would I? No. Should I? Yes. If it’s true. “No.”
Another call comes through as we’re nearing the turn for Rock Creek Chalets. It’s Agent Espinoza again. “Just take it,” Bria says, facing away to look toward the forest.
I press the button to accept the call as we turn up the gravel drive.
“Dr. Kaplan, I have some urgent updates,” she says. I notice the nearly imperceptible stiffening of Bria’s hand against her leg, her nails pressing into her jeans.
“Okay…”
“First off, Cynthia Nordstrom has been reported missing.”
My blood seems to rush away from my limbs. Bile churns in my stomach.
“She was last seen at Mosaic Nail Salon. She had several meetings and appointments the following day, but missed all of them. We received the news anonymously yesterday and have found nothing of her since. She’s just gone.”
Bria’s fingers fold into a fist, her fresh black manicure hidden against her leg.
