I did as he bade, grateful for all the leg workouts that gave me the control to manage this. It was just like a tempo squat, where –

Oh, Jesus. That’s cold!

The rounded tip of the knife handle pressed against my folds just shy of my entrance, and I shifted forward enough that I was properly lined up. Here went nothing. Taking a deep breath, I lowered myself onto it. It was different than the vibrators I was used to. For a start, it was colder. So cold that my inner muscles clenched around it in protest, and I had to pause for a second before my body heated it enough that I relaxed and could keep going, only to repeat the process. It was also stiffer, unforgiving inside of me as I sank all the way to the mattress. As promised, Josh’s warm hand was there waiting for me, the handle sticking up between his fingers, his palm pressed to my clit when I settled.

I let out a shaky breath, adjusting to the feel of an honest-to-God knife handle buried hilt-deep in my pussy.

Josh released an equally loaded exhale, and I knew he must have felt some kind of way because he forgot to modulate his tone. “You’re a fucking goddess, Aly.”

I recognized his normal voice instantly. I fucking knew it was him.

Sitting there, I felt like the goddess he likened me to. Not only because he was so undone by the sight of me perched on his knife handle that he forgot himself but because I’d never done anything so brave and reckless before. It made me feel powerful and untouchable, like after this, nothing could ever get to me again. Next time a patient tried to give me a hard time, I’d remind myself what kind of woman I was. The kind who didn’t run screaming from her masked stalker but fucked his knife handle instead.

I rolled my hips forward, rubbing my clit into Josh’s palm and testing the feel of the handle as I moved. Part of me was worried that it would be uncomfortable, but it felt fine. This wasn’t much different than the first dildo I’d had – simple and metallic. The only exception was it didn’t vibrate.

“You good, baby?” Josh asked, voice gone low again as he swiveled his thumb around and pressed it just above the hood of my clit, applying pressure exactly where I needed it.

A soft moan slipped through my lips. “Better than good.”

I heard him shift forward and felt his arm slide around my waist before he grabbed the chain linking my handcuffs and tugged it down, pinning my wrists to the mattress behind me and forcing my spine straight.

“Then what the fuck are you sitting still for?” he purred into my ear. “I told you to ride it.”

Hot damn. Dom Josh could get it. I braced my feet on the floor and thrust into his hand again, the metal warming inside of me as it pressed deliciously against the place his fingers had so recently stroked.

“Again,” he said, and I obeyed the command.

I heard a thud like he’d dropped to both knees between my spread legs, and then his mouth was on me, sucking at the skin of my neck before he bit and nipped his way lower. One hand still kept the handcuffs pinned to the bed while the thumb of his other started moving in slow circles at the top of my clit as I thrust into him. His lips found my breast, tongue flicking over my nipple, and I cried out. The walls of my pussy squeezed against the knife handle, an orgasm already building inside me.

I was so wet that his hand was coated, and I felt his long middle finger glide through my slickness before sliding toward my ass. Was he going to do what I thought he was? Did I want him to? I mean, I didn’t not want him to, but it had been a while since I’d done any anal play, and I didn’t know how it would feel right now.

“You can do it, baby,” he said, rubbing my arousal over that tight rear entrance, prepping the area. “The sooner we start breaking you in, the sooner you can take me here.”

He waited a beat for me to tell him no, and when I didn’t, he pressed the tip of his finger just inside. I stilled, trying to force myself to relax when my body tightened on instinct. It felt invasive, but not necessarily in a bad way, just different, a slight burn as I stretched around him.

Intense. That was the only word to describe it. So overwhelming that I went motionless for a moment and just felt what he was doing to me. His thumb still worked my clit, and when he laved his tongue over my nipple, the combined stimulation was enough to make me melt into him, his middle finger sliding deeper.

Carefully, I shifted my hips in the subtlest of thrusts, and oh, wow. Okay, that wasn’t terrible. It was kind of hot, actually, still intense and slightly disconcerting, but if anything, the taboo of what we were doing just made me want it more, and I ground myself onto him and the knife a little harder.

“Good girl,” he said, and yup, I had a praise kink all right because hearing those two little words had me immediately tipping closer to the brink. “Look how well you’re already doing.”

A thready moan slipped through my lips as I started to ride him again. I was experiencing so many sensations at once – anal penetration, clit stimulation, and nipple play, not to mention the knife handle filling me up – that soon they started blending into one overwhelming feeling of fullness and pleasure. I was going to come. Soon, and hard.

He curled his finger forward inside me, and I could feel him pressing my inner wall against the knife. “Fuck, I want to be inside you,” he ground out before pinching my nipple between his teeth, just shy of painful.

“Yes,” I panted. I wanted that, too, so bad it made me want to cry.

This was amazing, and I’d never had a more eye-opening, freeing experience in my life, but the thought of him buried balls deep in me made me mindless with desire. I was ravenous for him, wanted to stroke and kiss and lick every inch of his flawless body, wanted him to claim every inch of mine in return. I craved the closeness that came from wrapping myself up in someone and feeling their chest move against mine and their arms squeeze me close while they rocked into me.

“I want that so bad,” I said, thrusting down harder, faster, the pressure building inside me.

“Soon, baby,” he promised. “But first, I want to watch you come on my knife. Can you be a good girl and give me that?”

“I can,” I told him, thighs bunching, ass tightening around him as I rose and fell.

He put his mouth on me again, worshipping one nipple and then the next, keeping his finger crooked and his thumb right where I needed it. It was all so much. Better than anything I’d felt before.

If this man broke my heart, I was screwed, because I had a feeling he was forever altering my sexual cravings.

“I would never hurt you, Aly,” he said.

Oh, fuck, I must have spoken that last thought aloud, and now it was too late to take it back and too late to slow things down because I was coming, my hips bucking at a frenetic pace, moans falling from my lips, stars dancing across my closed eyes as the pleasure rocked through me so hard that my ears began to ring.

To my horror, tears started leaking from my eyes. I couldn’t help it, though. It was so good, such a perfect release after the awful shit I’d been through tonight, hell, the past several years, that all the emotions I’d held in check came pouring out as the dam gave way.

“Aly, fuck. Are you okay?” Josh said as I curled forward into him. “Hang on, baby.”

He slipped his finger carefully out of me and grabbed my thighs, lifting me off the knife. I burrowed into him like a lost child.

“I have you,” he said, standing, one arm banded around my back, the other beneath my ass.

It took him a minute to get the handcuff keys from his bag because he refused to let me go, holding me to him while he crouched down and riffled around until he pulled them out. As soon as I was free, I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him, sobbing. Jesus Christ, what was wrong with me?