“She’s just so… sophisticated,” I told Violet. “And fancy. But even so, it’s just… What if she asks me about my past?”

“Why would she?”

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “You know what I mean. Like, ‘where did you go to school?’ Or, ‘where did you work before the bar?’ Or anything else I won’t be able to answer. I don’t want to constantly have to lie to people, Auntie.”

“Well, you don’t have to lie,” she said slowly. “You could just explain—”

“No,” I barked, ducking my head when a young demiurgus guy in a pale linen suit raised a brow at me as he sauntered past. “I don’t want people knowing, Violet.”

“But… Greid knows.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Of course Greid knows. That’s different. He’s different.”

“I’m just saying, he might feel different now that you’re chummy, but he still found out when he didn’t know you at all, and he didn’t judge you. Maybe other people won’t either.”

I winced, realising I hadn’t actually filled my aunt in on any of the romantic developments in mine and Greid’s relationship. Good job I hadn’t started the call by blurting out that I was in love with him. I wasn’t sure how she’d handle hearing that without any backstory. She might have thought I had been brainwashed by the cult.

“I really, really don’t want anyone finding out,” I told Violet. “It was terrifying when I thought Mani might find out when I applied for my job. I nearly ran out of the bar while she was in the office on the phone to you.”

Violet didn’t answer at first, but I got distracted as I passed the clothing store I always peered into on my way to work. There in the display was the dark green dress I’d been eyeing up for a while now—the one with a high collar decorated with a little black ribbon.

“Maybe I’ll buy the dress,” I said absently, stopping outside the shop. “Maybe it’ll make me feel more confident.”

“The green one?” Violet said quickly. “Yes, you should buy it. You deserve it. And you earned it. You’ve been working so hard.”

“I don’t know…” I said uncertainly, shifting from foot to foot. “It’s kind of expensive.”

“So? Treat yourself, Beryl. Or I could send you the money. You’d just have to tell me how to get it to you—”

“No, it’s okay.” I hesitated for a second longer, then stepped closer to the door. “I’m going to get it.”

“Good for you, Beryl! I wish I could see you in it. I bet you’ll look so pretty.” Violet hesitated, then tentatively said, “Maybe you could come and visit me and wear it then.”

I froze with my hand outstretched for the door handle. “Oh. Um…”

“You don’t have to, of course.” Now she sounded flustered. “I know your feelings about this place aren’t too fond, but… Sorry, forget I said it. Maybe I can get special permission to go into the city alone and meet you in a coffee shop or something.”

I stepped back from the door, my hand clenching into a fist as a shockingly strong wave of anger made my shoulders hunch up. In an instant, I felt disgusted with myself. And ashamed. I couldn’t understand how I’d stayed so long at that place. Hearing Violet say she’d “ask for permission” to go out alone seemed so awful and foreign now, when just weeks ago it had been my norm.

And it shouldn’t be the norm.

“You shouldn’t do that,” I heard myself vacantly say. “Those steps are brutal. Maybe I could…”

I trailed off, because I didn’t want to promise anything. I didn’t want to tell her that I’d go back to the cult to see her, even though that had been my plan when I left. I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to do it now.

“Don’t worry about it now, Beryl,” Violet said in an overly cheerful tone. “Go and buy your dress. And have fun tonight with your friend. Don’t overthink it. The cult… That’s all behind you now. You have a new life. Enjoy it.”

I pursed my lips. It wasn’t as simple as just putting it all behind me, but I knew she was just trying to reassure me. “I will. Thanks, Auntie. Speak to you soon.”

“I love you, Beryl.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

I bought the dress. And after, I went to Deep Brew and got our coffees, picking up a blood tart and several other pastries for Greid as well. But Violet’s mention of visiting her had made me feel weird and unsettled, so when I got home, I called out to Greid that his coffee was in the living room before beelining straight for his blanket fort in the corner.

After setting my takeout cup on the windowsill, I lay down with my face buried in one of the many pillows.

“Berry?” I heard a few seconds later.

“In here.”

I rolled onto my back when I heard the curtain being moved. Greid stood there, clutching his coffee cup—and the bag of pastries, obviously—with a frown marring his brow.

“Oh no. You’re in the nest. What’s wrong?” He clambered in, his long limbs folding awkwardly to fit into the small space. “Wait, do you want to be left alone?”

“No.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, tugging him down. He hastily set his cup beside mine before lying down on his side, an arm curling over my stomach. I told him, “I called Violet.”

“Okay…”

I sighed, running my palm up and down his arm as I stared at the ceiling. “She asked me to go visit her.”

I felt Greid tense almost imperceptibly against my side, before he asked, “Did the thought of going back there make you feel weird?”

That brought a smile to my face. Greid just got me, without me having to say much. Shifting onto my side to face him, I shuffled closer and fisted the front of his onesie. “Yeah. I know I said I’d visit her, but now…”

“I get it.” He leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Is there a way to see her, like, literally anywhere else?”

“Not really,” I said woodenly. “They’re not allowed out of the compound on their own, and I can’t think of anything worse than having another cult member there while I speak to her.”

Greid pursed his lips. “What about if I escorted her? Would they allow that?”

I snorted, tilting my head to kiss his chin. “You mean would they entrust her care to the stunning and ethereal sex wizard Greid the Greater for an afternoon?”

He huffed, ears twitching. “Shut up.”

“Sorry.” I kissed him again to take the sting out of my teasing, knowing he was just trying to help. “I have no idea. But they’d probably think you were scoping her out as another potential lifemate.”

He shuddered, fingers curling into my hip. “Ew. No offence to your aunt,” he added quickly. “I’m sure she’s—But, you know, that’s… really gross.”

“It could work though,” I said thoughtfully. “If you made it clear you were escorting her to see me. Not for anything else. But then they’d wonder why I don’t just visit her at the cult. It’s not like I’m supposed to hate the thought of going back. As far as they know, the cult gave me everything I wanted.”

Then I realised, in a weird, twisted way, it kind of had. I’d always had vague, unformed dreams of finding someone, settling down, living a quiet life where I was free to do whatever I wanted. I had all of that now.

But no. I refused to let myself start thinking that way, to start being grateful for the cult. It wasn’t the cult that had given me what I wanted. The cult had stifled those dreams for years, because I’d let it. Because I’d willingly stayed.

Greid had given me those things. And I’d gotten them for myself. It had been a team effort. He’d given me the tools and the freedom to make a new life for myself, and I’d gone out and forged that life.

A lump formed in my throat as I stared into Greid’s big yellow eyes. He was the best teammate ever.

“Whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you,” he told me, slipping his big hand under my shirt to stroke my bare side. “If you decide to go back there to see her, I’ll go with you. Or if you want me to go and speak to the sex people and politely demand that I take Violet to meet you in the city, I’ll do that too. I’ll put on my big boy pants and try to sound all domineering or whatever.”