Most of the time it’s simply common sense that you don’t go straight to intense sexual stimulation before warming up for a bit or easing your way from flirty to intense. What comes naturally for some may take longer for others, but one way or the other, foreplay before sex of any kind is an essential part of having a good time. Sure, foreplay can sometimes feel awkward and cheesy, and maybe you and your partner are just so excited and hot for each other that the more intense stuff feels like it can’t wait.

No matter the excuse for skipping the warm-up (aka foreplay), trust me when I say that the best advice is to stop making excuses and do it every time. Just like warming up to exercise, warming up for sex is the best way to ensure that everyone has the best experience. Once you get a handle on mastering foreplay with your partner you might find that your sex life is better than it has ever been. If you think foreplay is boring, awkward, or hard to do, this is where your saving grace is. This guide to foreplay is your new best friend when it comes to learning the best foreplay positions, hot things to do for foreplay, and how to spice up foreplay in order to make the most out of your bedroom activities.

A lot of the misconceptions around foreplay come from a false understanding of what foreplay actually is and can be. Foreplay doesn’t look the same for everyone, and different people may take different amounts of time and intensity when it comes to getting things hot and ready to go. The one thing that foreplay is always essential for is getting all people involved sufficiently aroused and ready for whatever kind of sexual act you’re about to undertake. For some, that could mean gentle caresses, heavy petting, and making out, while others might like an intense roleplay or BDSM scene to play out before getting to the most sexually stimulating acts. For many people, foreplay is the most important part, if not the most satisfying. It is important to note that one person’s foreplay might be another person’s main event. Take a handjob for example: some people might use a handjob as a way to get their partner warmed up for penetrative sex while others might be interested in having the handjob be the main part of their sexual encounter.

What some people don’t understand about foreplay is that it isn’t necessarily a warm-up for vaginal or anal penetration. If you are going to be participating in vaginal or anal penetration, adequate foreplay is a must. It is important to understand that regardless of how far you’re going to go, different people desire and require different things to get in the mood for any kind of sexual encounter. If you’re interested in giving your partner manual stimulation, don’t just go straight for the gold out of nowhere.

This is foreplay 101. Direct touching or attention straight to the genitals or highly erogenous zones can be jarring for people without adequate warm-up, which means one of the most important tips for foreplay is reading your partner’s physical cues, and only move forward after getting their consent to touch and be touched.

If I sound like a broken record as I continue to tell you that foreplay is important, that’s because it is really important for having great sex. Why is it so important? Research shows that while men take about five minutes to reach orgasm on average, women take about 16, which is one explanation for the phenomenon known as orgasm gap.

The orgasm gap can be explained as the lesser amount of orgasms that are had by people with vulvas compared to people with penises. Another important thing to consider is the rewards that come with both parties being aroused and warmed up to the fullest extent.

When you are aroused your body is more sensitive when touched, and the chemicals in your brain change to make you feel things in a heightened way and experience less “disgust”. This is why people can be more interested in getting a bit more freaky in the bedroom than they do in normal life. When we talk about foreplay, although it isn’t only for P in V intercourse, it is the thing that can either make or break this sexual act.

When the vagina is aroused it self-lubricates, making things go more smoothly for the vagina owner. This increased lubrication also feels really good for a partner with a penis because it allows for a pleasurable gliding sensation and the sexual gratification that comes with seeing your partner in ecstasy. Another thing to note is that not all people are interested in having P in V sex. If you and your partner aren’t into that you still need to ease your way into intense stimulation. This is another reason that different ways of foreplay work best for different people.

Types of Foreplay

There are many different ways to foreplay and one of the best foreplay tips is to ask your partner what turns them on. Sexting and dirty talk are scrumptious first steps to foreplay. Telling your partner what you want them to do to you or vice versa over text is the perfect way to get the foreplay started even if you’re many miles away. Talking about this is not only going to put you in the mood but also let you know what your partner desires and fantasizes about. Sending your boo a text from work saying something like “I can’t wait to see you tonight, what should we spend our evening doing?” could give you the perfect insight into what your partner wants most. Simply talking about sex can get you primed and ready for some action. Tell your partner the intense details either through text, on the phone, or on a video chat for some excellent visuals. Sending nudes back and forth may also get your blood flowing to all of the right places. Some people really enjoy this kind of foreplay, but others might find it distant or challenging. The fact of the matter is that trial and error may be integral to getting the right flow going before stuff goes down. A really good way to think about sex is that it is an exploration. You can explore your own body and you can explore your partner’s (s) body. You can also explore how the two intertwine. Don’t limit yourself to the things you’ve done before or the things you know a lot about. Try new things as long as you feel comfortable and in good enough hands to do so.

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