Alexander obediently listens to everything, instantly losing his charm, becoming an "ordinary gray man".

ALEXANDER (to the Director, obediently): Well, I'll review some episodes, try to fix all the flaws tomorrow.

Alexander leaves the stage in a drooping mood.

ZTM.

4 scene. FRIEND

Plays music in the style of chanson.

In a bandit cap, in an Olympic jacket, in a sporty style, with a swaggering gait with a bottle of beer in his hand, Alexander comes on stage a little haggard. The complete opposite of the image of the previous scene, it is desirable that people in the audience hardly recognize the same actor in it.

The music stops.

ALEXANDER (the viewer premedicine manner of communication): Yeah, we had a nice walk with rootie that night. I woke up recently.

He yawns, puts the bottle aside, puts his hands in his trousers, and sits down in a chair, leaning back to the maximum and stretching out his legs.

ALEXANDER (to the audience, in a pribandichennoy manner of communication): All the same, don't say anything, but a friend is a friend! This is the most important thing in a kid's life! There is no reliable real friend, consider you a nobody! Empty space. Because you are judged by your friends. An old saying, but true: "Tell me who your friend is, and I'll tell you who you are."

I approached this issue carefully. My father has been telling me since I was a child: "Look, Sanek! Choose your friends so that they can always cover your ass at the right time." And I'll tell you, it's not an easy job to rally a loyal and reliable team around you. So much slag among people, it's easy… Here you look…, like nothing parnyaga. Says everything correctly, thinks in the right direction, and even does something in life. And as the smell of fried, look – swam comrade… Not… As stated in the song Vysotsky: "There aren't many real wild ones, so there aren't any leaders." Just like in life. There are a lot of people, but people… almost not.

He gets up from the chair and walks across the stage, blowing one nostril on the floor and wiping his nose with his hand.

ALEXANDER (the viewer premedicine manner of communication): I was looking for a friend. Tried. I looked at situations. Again I searched, again I compared, made conclusions, and again I searched. And I even at a certain point began to doubt at all that real male friendship exists. So, I thought, only in movies show, but in books write different hacks. They don't care… sit and think. Writers, by the way, are usually reserved and unsociable people themselves. And they have such friends that they are real… However, I do not know, I do not know personally, but I suspect that they are all science fiction writers and dreamers.

Once I got stuck with the friendship, two got stuck. The third time already thought. What do I need it for? How is it here? You are always ready to answer for yourself, but for someone else… That's a question. With whom to crush the bubble – this has never been a problem. With whom to go out – also zavsegda company will pick up. And it is better to solve serious issues yourself. Here, even if you've made a mistake, you can sort it out yourself. You know where everything is and for what. You don't have to find anyone to blame. So there are advantages. You don't need to spend money on birthdays, you don't have to listen to whining for life. Free time car. You don't owe anyone anything. I got a call from a… friend at the time. Help me, he says, dig a hole in the garage so that the car can be repaired conveniently. I just got out of the shower after my shift. I'm lying on the couch, sipping a beer, and here's your application. Of course, all I really wanted to do at that moment was dig a hole for someone in a stuffy, dusty garage on the outskirts of town, where I still had to manage to get through traffic. The limit of dreams, of course. So after all, it is inconvenient to refuse, a friend after all. How can I not help my friend? What kind of friend would I be?

Dressed, Packed, and headed out. I spent two days on this good cause. Then in the end everything collapsed, he drove a concrete mixer and brought everything to zero. And the car, he says, I'll fix it in the service, if you need anything. That's what friendship is.

Or here, too, was a friend. Moved three times a year. We don't hire movers if you have friends. Sure, I got a call, hi, can you help me?

I hesitated to take these baths of his to the ninth or fourteenth floor. He really gave me a present. On the sixth floor of the oven. It was easier there. Every time a new building, the elevators are not connected yet. Furniture, clothes… In General, I spat on it all when I first came down with my back. This friendship costs me dearly.

Curiously, if I need something, then somehow miraculously everyone is busy. Who went to the country, who dries up after drinking, who works hard at their parents ' dacha. Or they just don't pick up the phone, as they know that I'm calling for a reason.

Don't… guys, this is something… not friendship this, and stupidly use and obtaining benefits in those or other circumstances. Remember your friends, how they met, how they communicated. Everyone first of all tries to find out in what circles you communicate, what you breathe, what garters you have and, accordingly, in what way you can be useful to a potential friend. If you can't be useful in any way, then why do you need such a friend? What's wrong?

Well, that's what it's about. I don't know about women's friendship, but men's friendship is complete… (sighs) Yes.

Moves to the center of the stage, as if backing away, not quickly.

ALEXANDER (the viewer premedicine manner of communication): Well, recently here with a spine have zakonchilis. So he explained to me that it was just a bad thing I had. The stripe is black. It turns out that with friends it, this strip, also happens, not only with life circumstances. This is a normal type. We sat and talked. Then we went to the club… Then I don't remember. But I remember that we agreed to go with him today to solve some issue. Someone owes him money. There's a story like this… In General, they threw the kid. Well, we need to help the little man.

Groan.

ALEXANDER (to the audience, sympathetically): my friend still…

Leaves the stage to the music of the chanson style, taking with him the bottle with which he came.

ZTM.

5 SCENE. BALL

18th century. Times of the Empress Catherine the Second.

The music heard at the appropriate points in time.

If you can at least partially recreate the atmosphere of that time on stage – it will be great, if not, you can beat the concentration of light on the actor and music.

In a magnificent dress, women's clothing, a wig and other attributes that were in place by the end of the 1760s, Alexander appears on the stage, spinning in a dance.

The simplest makeup, pink cheeks, inspired face and most importantly – posture.

The music stops.

Alexander slowly stops dancing.

Stands up in half a turn to the viewer, covers himself with a fan, which respectfully covers himself.

ALEXANDER (in a woman's voice):

Oh, really, I'm surprised,

Where did the courage go?

Like a bird in the sky I fly,

But only in dreams, in life – opal.

As if the sky is angry,

Left the young ladies without a pair.

The Canon of husbands was courteous to us,

Now we have lost the spell

Left on their own,

For a rare case of fun.

Tired to complain about the fate,

The head was replaced by the power.

Alexander coughs, tired of speaking in a thin female voice, furiously folds the fan and throws it backstage on his nerves.

She casually pulls off these feminine garments and wipes her face.

He is, to put it mildly, dissatisfied.