If you've had the distinct privilege of spending any amount of time with me, you know by now that I'm an opinionated guy. What's more, you've realized that I often present my opinions as fact. What better way to cement these opinions as such than to remove them from the malleable medium of a blog and print them indelibly in this digital volume? If you read it in an ebook, you know it's true. It is my intent that this book reads as a collection of short stories. Creative (non)fiction, as the Library Of Congress might call it. As a result, you'll find references to events in the past interspersed with rants and tangents (rantgents) about things that I currently hate, or at least somewhat convincingly pretend to hate. You might even find a few chapters about things I don't hate. I have adapted a couple of the chapters in this book from my blog, Rhetorock, which you can and will follow at jondavidsonmusic.blogspot.com. However, I've removed any sense of chronological order. My mind rarely sits still. Metaphorically. Physically, it's typically firmly lodged inside my skull. Right now, I'm simultaneously thinking about bath salts, kidney beans, Levi's 510s, Jeremiah, Obamacare, Keane, and why I put my underwear on inside out again. Rather than attempt to tame the meandering beast that is my stream of consciousness, I've written in a way that reflects my usual thought processes. You're welcome. Opinions represented in this book are solely mine, although I suppose that probably goes without saying. Some opinions have changed since I've written certain chapters. I've completely fabricated some opinions for the sake of discussion and entertainment, and to try to make others look stupid. However, some of the opinions I've expressed are completely serious. Feel free to disagree with me on anything and everything. Use your judgment, and take everything I've penned with a grain of salt. Better yet, with a massive salt lick. Make sure it's iodized salt, though. Goiters are really not all that cool. If you're offended by anything that I've written, I sincerely apologize. You have taken me way too seriously. Write me an angry letter, and then take that letter and light it on fire. It is my hope that this book makes you laugh, cry, and ponder. Simultaneously, you big thoughtful blubbering mess. Life is short, and we're not given a lot of time on this earth. I hope you enjoy the time you spend with this book.