Gerald Samper is a ghost writer to the stars: rock singers, racing drivers and ski champions. And to Millie Cleat, the monstrous one-armed sailor, whose round the world voyage has made her the toast of Britain, and who has become the poster-girl for the Deep Blues, a mystical and nutty environmental group.

Gerald pines for greater things, however, and would prefer to write the memoirs of Max Christ, the celebrated conductor. While he schemes to land this unattainable catch, he muses hilariously and viciously on the world of which he is such an unwilling part, looking out from his Tuscan hilltop and pining for his neighbour Marta, offspring of a crime family from Voynovia, who disappeared one day into thin air. Has she been the subject of a 'rendition'?

Meanwhile, some oceanographers are planning revenge on Millie Cleat for her destruction of their greatest coup. Gerald convinces her that she has seen the face of Neptune in the depths ...